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[原创-美国] 你的家族成员是如何震惊到你的?

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发表于 2019-3-10 17:39:51 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
How did a family member shock you?


你的家庭成员是如何让你震惊的?


Anonymous
My grandfather molested me.I am a girl, and come from a well to do family residing in an urban area. I live with my parents and a sibling, but our house is somewhat in the outskirts of the city. My maternal grandparents live in the city.In grades 9 and 10, I needed to take tuitions in the city, so my parents dropped me at my grandparents' house, and I lived with them for the better part of two years. I'd only get to visit my family on weekends. I was 14 or 15.I don't remember exactly how it started out. Initially, I was so much in disbelief, that I kept thinking that he was doing it by mistake. However, it became so frequent that after a point I began to be wary of him.Most of the times, it happened when I was sleeping. He was an early riser, and often got the excuse to wake me up early in the morning, before which he'd take advantage of me. I couldn't set an alarm for myself, as my phone had been confiscated too. It was a nightmarish prison. Anyway, I am a light sleeper, and even the slightest disturbances wake me.He often poked my chest, my b*tt, and my pu**y. Sometimes he would even do it while I was awake. And then stare at me mockingly as if I were a child and he was just teasing me. One time, I was sleeping on my stomach, and my arms were distorted in a peculiar manner such that they covered my breasts. I didn't do it intentionally, I just sleep weird. Anyway, I had a certain level of consciousness, and I fully understood what was happening as he wiggled his hand behind my arms and squeezed my breast. I woke up immediately and asked him what he was doing. Not firmly enough though. He acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. This is just one incident out of many.After way too many incidents that I brushed off as accidents, I finally considered the idea that perhaps they weren't accidents. It was pretty obvious, but I was in shock. This was my grandfather. A respected man in society. A scientist.I confided in my cousin sister. She lived in the same house, with her parents and sibling. To my utmost horror, she told me that she had gone through the same ordeal, and was still going through it. Mind you, my cousin is 3 years younger than me.That was it. Knowing that the little girl had gone through it gave me more strength than my same ordeal would ever have.I actively started avoiding him, and asked my sister to do the same. I'd be rude to him, aggressively chiding him off whenever he so much as laid a finger on my sister's b*tt. I held his finger tightly once when he did it to me while I was sleeping, and hurt him with my nails. It went like this for a while.Apart from my sister and I, no one knew or even suspected this side of my grandfather.One day, our entire family went on a little weekend getaway to a nearby town. The same thing happened there. With his stupid friendly smiling face, my grandfather put his arm around my shoulders, and squeezed the side of my breast with his fingers. I was livid. I yelled at him. I didn't say anything directly, but just spoke very rudely. Which is what I'd been doing for the past couple of months.But this time there were people around. My entire family was there. No one saw what he did, but everyone saw me yelling and disrespecting an elder for apparently no reason. I was chided. Badly. My mother was visibly disappointed. For a while I kept behaving defensively, as if their scoldings didn't affect me. But after a while, my mother's looks and silent words of disappointment became too much.I told her.I told my mother that she was unaware of the monster that my grandfather was. Everyone was clueless. Much like me in the beginning, she was in disbelief. She didn't believe me, and I didn't blame her, because I myself had had a hard time accepting it. But I told her everything. I told her what he had done that day. I even demonstrated it to her. She went through the same mental struggles that I did. She told me I must be mistaken. That he might've done it unknowingly and unintentionally. That I was probably overreacting. Overthinking. I told her that my sister was going through it too. My sister and I were inseparable, and she was the only one who had understood what had happened that day even before I told her. She was with me when I was telling my mother. She vouched for me too. Told my mother things she'd been through.My mother behaved distantly for a while. I cannot imagine what she must have been going through. This was her father whom I, her daughter, was accusing.She finally believed me. She told me to not behave in that manner anymore, and told me she'd take care of it, as it was an extremely “sensitive matter”. I was okay with it.At that age, my sister and I didn't even understand the intensity of what we were going through. It was pretty late in life that I realised that I was scarred forever.Anyway, the next day, as a na?ve teenager, back in my grandparents' house, I told my grandfather to not wake me up anymore. This happened in front of everyone. Everyone questioned me. I just made up stupid excuses like, “I don't like it when someone comes close to me while I am sleeping”, and “I get scared when I wake up and the first thing I see is someone so close to me”. Nonsense like that.After that, the man didn't come close to me. He'd wake me up from a distance. Visibly hurt though.I was overjoyed.I thought my plan had worked. The next time my mother called, I proudly told her how I had evaded him on my own. She told me that it was actually because she had spoken to my grandmother about it.I don't know what had happened, but he never harassed me anymore, and that was all I cared about.A couple of months later, when I had almost forgotten about these incidents, something happened. My grandparents were fighting, and I took my grandfather's side, and told my grandmother off. Probably in the heat of the moment, Grandma exclaimed to my grandfather, “you are a fool for listening to her, she, who has accused you of such ugly actions.”That shut me up. Her tone made it evident that she didn't believe it one bit. I was just some fibbing liar.Anyway, life moved on. I hate that man, and keep as much distance from him as possible. My father, however, has no clue about all this till date. From my mother's family, my father gets along only with grandfather. My brother and father both know I hate him, but they don't know why. Many a time, when my father invites grandfather for something, or asks him for a favour for me, I get super annoyed. He has often asked me what it is all about, but I won't tell him.My sister, on the other hand, is much more forgiving. She has forgiven him, without having even received an apology. I suspect she kept going through it for a long while even after I came back home. We are still inseparable.Anyhow, this is my story.My grandfather shocked me by molesting me at a young impressionable age, and lost any respect that I'd had for him.Disgusting despicable git.


回答一:


我的外公猥亵我。
我是一个来偏僻地方的女孩.
我、父母再加一个妹妹住在一起,但是我们的房子在城市的郊区。
我的外公外婆住在城里.


读九年级和十年级时,我需要到城里去读书,
所以我的父母把我送到外公家,我和他们一起住了两年。
只能在周末的时候我才能回家一次,那时我14、15岁.


我不记得外公是怎么开始猥亵我的.
起初,我非常不敢相信那竟然是猥亵,我一直以为外公是无意的.
然而,猥亵越来越频繁之后,我就开始对他产生戒心了.


大多数时候,猥亵是发生在我睡觉的时候。
他是一个早起的人,经常找借口来叫我起床,就这样开始猥亵我.
我没有闹钟,因为我的手机被没收了. 我感觉自己一切都处在被他控制之中.
那时,我睡得很浅,稍有点异动我就会被惊醒过来.


他经常戳我的胸,越来越肆无忌惮,甚至在我醒着的时候也捏我的胸.
然后笑着看着我,好像我是个孩子,他只是在戏弄我.
有一次,我趴着睡觉,我的手臂以一种奇怪的方式扭曲着,遮住了我的胸部。
我不是故意的,我只是睡姿比较怪而已.


不管怎么说,当时我是有一定的防范意识的.
然而,当他在我背后动手动脚,挤压我的胸部时,我完全明白发生了什么。
我立刻醒了,质问他在做什么。但是,我的语气不够坚定。
他则表现得好像没有发生什么大不了的事情一样.
像这样子的情况经常发生.


经历多了我认为是意外的触摸之后,我终于想到,也许他是故意的.
很显然,我非常震惊。
他可是我的亲外公啊,一个社会上受人尊敬的科学家.


我把这件事告诉了我的表妹。
她和父母、兄弟姐妹住在同一间房子里。
令我极度恐惧的是,她告诉我,她也受到了同样的猥亵,而且还是现在进行时.
请注意,我表妹比我小三岁。


这就是猥亵! 我知道表妹也遭受这样子的猥亵之后,反而更激起了我反抗猥亵的勇气.


我主动开始回避他,并要求表妹也尽量回避他。
我对他很粗鲁,每当他碰我表妹的屁股时,我就狠狠地责骂他。
有一次他在我睡觉的时候摸我的屁股,我就紧紧地抓着他的手指,用指甲掐他.
就这样斗争了很长一段时间.
除了表妹和我,没有人知道外公的龌龊一面,周围的人甚至都没有怀疑过他.


有一天,我们全家去附近的一个小镇度周末。
然后他又趁着机会猥亵了.
那天,他带着假装友好的奸笑,用胳膊搂着我的肩膀,用手指捏着我的乳房。
我很生气,对他大喊大叫。
我没有直接说什么,只是说话很粗鲁。
这就是过去几个月我一直和他斗争的方式.


只是这一次周围有很多人,我全家人都在现场,
但是,没有人看到他做了什么,他们只看到我毫无理由地对他大喊大叫,不尊重长辈。


我被(父母)责备得很厉害,显然,我妈对我(的不尊重长辈)很失望.
那一段时间,我的防范心一直高度警戒,父母的责骂并没有让我放低对外公的防范心.


但是,我妈的失望表情,在加上她责骂我越来越厉害,
于是,我决定把事情的原委告诉她.
我跟妈妈说,她不知道外公是一个怪物,就像一开始我也不知道外公是怪物一样.
但是,我妈不相信,我也不怪她,因为我自己也很难接受这样的事实.
但我把一切都告诉了她。
我告诉她那天外公做了什么。我甚至给她演示外公的动作.
我妈也是内心纠结得很厉害,
然后她说,一定是我自己误会外公了.他可能只是无意的,我则可能反应过度了,是我自己想得太多了.
我告诉她,表妹也受到猥亵了.
那些事情,只有表妹和我两个人知道. 我们可是天天在一起的.
我跟妈妈说这些事的时候,表妹也在旁边,她也顶身作证,也告诉我妈她所遭受的猥亵.


我妈没再说什么.
我无法想象她内心里是怎么斗争的.
一边是她的亲父亲,另一边是她的亲女儿.
后来,她终于相信我说的.
然后她跟我说,不要再那样对外公大喊大叫了,因为这种事情非常“敏感”.
她会帮我处理好这件事情的,我没有意见.
在那个年龄,我和表姐甚至不明白我们所受到的伤害会有多严重.
知道很久之后,我才意识到这种伤害时永远伴随着我.


不过,当时,我作为一个天真的少女,第二天还是回到外公的家里.
我只是叫外公不要再叫我起床了.
但是,大家都不理解我,他们很奇怪为什么不能让外公叫我起床.
我胡编乱造了一些借口,比如:
“我不喜欢有人在我睡觉时靠近我”,
“当我醒来时,我看到的第一件事就是一个离我很近的人,我很害怕”。
从那以后,外公就再也没有靠近过我。
他会从远处把我叫醒。


我喜出望外,认为我的斗争取得了成功.
妈妈打电话来的时候,我还自豪地跟妈妈说我是如何躲避他的.
妈妈告诉我,这实际上是因为她和外婆谈过这件事。
我并不关心那些,我只知道外公再也没有骚扰过我了.


后来,几个月之后,当我几乎忘记这些事情时,发生了一件事。
外婆和外公在打架,而我还站在外公这一边,斥责了外婆.
外婆也许是一时冲动,脱口而出地怼外公说:“你真是个傻瓜,竟然听她的话,她竟然指责你干了这种丑事。”
外婆还让我闭嘴。
外婆的语气表明她一点也不相信外公会骚扰我.
她认为我只是个说谎的骗子.




不管怎样,生活还是继续着。我还是讨厌外公,尽量和他保持距离。
然而,直到现在,我父亲对这一切都一无所知。
在我外公这边的人中,我爸爸只与外公相处。
我哥哥和爸爸都知道我恨外公,但他们不知道我为什么恨外公。


很多时候,我爸请外公帮忙做什么事的话,或者请他帮我的忙的话,我就非常生气.
我爸还经常问我这是怎么回事.
我始终没有告诉我爸爸.


我表妹比较宽容,她都没有收到外公的道歉就原谅他了.
我非常怀疑,在我离开外公家之后,我表妹还在受到外公的骚扰.
我们表妹还是经常联系.


以上就是我的故事.
我的外公在我的非常敏感时期就对我进行性骚扰.
这让我非常的震惊,也让我失去了对他的尊重.
恶心、卑鄙!


S Raghav
I am from south India. I have a cousin; she was the first girl child in our extended family. Everyone adored her. She always had the top priority in the family. I was never jealous of her, in fact I adored her more than anyone in the family since she was like an elder sister to me.She was good at studies, she was fair, tall and she had a very good dressing sense. She was approached for a job of an air hostess during her studies but she rejected it.Our family is one of the prestigious families in our area, since most of our family members were government school teachers. Her father, mother, grandfather & grandmother have all worked as head masters. They are given a very huge respect every where. Even today their students remember them.One day, we got to know that she has a boyfriend. When confronted her, she agreed to this and she said that she wanted to marry him.Unlike other families, her parents or grandparents or us, didn't take the matter to caste, religion or boycotting love marriage. We were quite supportive to her, until we found out who her boyfriend was.Let me tell you about her so called boyfriend.Since she lived in a village area, she was going to college by auto and he was the auto driver. His profession was not a concern for us. His character was.He was 10+ years elder than her. He had previous relationships but cheated in almost all of them. He is not educated, completed 4th grade I guess. He is a drunkard. He used to sleep in the bar where he drinks, even though he has his mother alone in the house. He has loans from everywhere.When we rejected him, she said like she can't live without him, bla bla bla..We tried explaining her why we opposed him, but she didn't listen to a word we all said. We tried everything to get her out that relationship. One day she ran away with him and got married in a temple.That day her parents said that she is no longer their daughter. That day for First time in my life, I saw someone elder to me cry like a small kid crying when their parents leave them in school for the first time; that day I saw the tears of Parents. That day I decided to never make my parents cry. Its been many years since this incident, but remember it like it was yesterday.None of us expected her to do this. None of us expected that she will marry such a guy. I was not expecting to see her parents cry.All the villagers who respected her parents said to her face that she will suffer for choosing a guy like that.We all thought the same, that by marrying him, she is entering hell.Today I'm proud of her, we all are.Even though we don't talk to her and have cut all ties with her, we are proud of her.After marriage she took it as a challenge to make her life good again.She completed her degree, by working part time jobs. She controlled his drinking problem, she managed his money and started paying off his debt.Today they are happily married with a kid. He owns 2 local buses and gave few autos for rent and works hard in his own bus as a driver. She is a teacher in some school nearby now.


回答二:


我来自南印度。我有一个堂姐,她是我们大家庭中的第一个女孩。
每个人都喜欢她。
她一直是家里的明珠.
我从来没有嫉妒过她,事实上,我比家里任何人都更爱她,因为她对我来说就像姐姐一样。
她学习成绩很好,她长得又高又白,穿衣品味又好。
在她上学期间,有人向介绍空姐的工作,但她拒绝了。


我们的家族是当地最有声望的家族之一,
因为我们的家族成员大多是政府学校的教师。
她的父亲、母亲、祖父和祖母都当过校长。
他们在当地任何地方都受到极大的尊重。
即使在今天,他们的学生仍然记得他们。


有一天,我们知道堂姐有男朋友了。
我们问她是,她承认了,并说她想嫁给他。
不像其他家庭,她的父母、祖父母或我们,没有把这个问题诉诸种姓、宗教或抵制爱情婚姻。
我们一直都很支持她,直到我们发现她的男朋友是什么样的人!


让我告诉你她所谓的男朋友是什么样的人:


因为她住在一个乡村地区,所以她要坐汽车去上大学,而他则是一名汽车司机。
我们并不介意他的职业,而是介意他的性格.
他比她大十多岁,他之前有过前任女友,但几乎都出轨了。
他没受过教育,我猜是最多四年级毕业吧。
他还酗酒。他过去常睡在他喝酒的酒吧里,尽管家里只有他母亲一个人。
他到处借债.


当我们不接受她的男友的时候,她说没有他她就活不下去,等等等等.
我们试着向她解释我们为什么反对他,但她一句都没有听进去。
我们想尽一切办法让她摆脱这段关系。
然而,她和男友私奔了,在一座寺庙里结了婚.


那天她的父母说她不再是他们的女儿了。
那是我生命中第一次看到长辈对我哭得像个小孩子,


当他们的父母第一次把他们留在学校的时候,那天我看到了为人父母的眼泪。
那天我决定永远不让我的父母哭。
这件事已经过去许多年了,但是,它仿佛就像发生在昨天.


我们谁也没有想到她会这么做。
我们谁也没有想到她会嫁给这样一个人。
我没有料到她的父母会哭。
所有尊重她父母的村民都当着她的面说,她会为选择这样一个男人而吃尽苦头的.
我们都认为,嫁给他,她会下地狱的.


然而,今天我却为她感到骄傲,我们所有人都在为她骄傲.
虽然她结婚后,我们就和她断绝了一切关系,再没有说过话,但是我们还是为她骄傲.


结婚后,她把重新过上好日子当作一种挑战。
她通过兼职工作完成了她的学位。
她控制了他的酗酒问题,管理了他的钱,并开始偿还他的债务。
今天他们幸福地过着婚后的日子,并有了一个孩子。
他拥有两辆当地的公共汽车,只需上交一点点的租金.
他努力地干好自己的司机工作.
而她现在则是附近一所学校的老师.


Anonymous
I’m going anonymous for this one. If you have ever been molested/sexually abused…trigger alert.I was molested from age 7 all the way through age 11 (when I decided to come out about it). No, a member of my family did not molest me, but a family friend did. My mother and father were really good friends with a married couple - my mother worked with the wife of the man that molested me every chance he got.My mom let this family friend babysit me. Each time, I thought their “we’re just going to get gas” run would never end. They were gone for two hours at a time - now that I’m older, I’m assuming they went to get dinner and drinks. He did things to me that I’m afraid to let any man do to me now, and I still get flashbacks when I lay down at night…even after 10 years of therapy and a trial that put the man in jail for 8 years.My happiness, childhood, dignity, and self-confidence were shattered.When I came out to my mom about the abuse, she cried for days. The wife of my abuser tried to give me presents to buy my silence and to not go to trial. She knew what her husband did. Even worse, if he molested me, what did he do to their son?What shocked me was that my father left me during all of this. He could not handle the stress that came with a child with PTSD, major depression, and anxiety… so he left me.He packed his bags and hauled his ass out of town. At that young age, I needed him. I needed him to teach me that all men are not the same as my abuser.I went through all that trauma without a father. To this day, I haven’t recovered from that. I have forgiven him, but I have not recovered.Writing this down feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for reading.


回答三:


这次我要匿名了。如果你曾经被猥亵/性虐待过…
从7岁开始,一直到11岁(到我把这些事说出来的时候),我都被性骚扰过.
我的家庭成员并没有骚扰我,而是我父母的一个朋友骚扰我!


我父母和那家人是朋友——我妈和他的老婆是同事.
那个男人一有机会就猥亵我。


我妈妈让他们照顾我.


每次,我都以为我爸妈是“我们只是去加油”,爸妈每次离开两个小时——现在我长大了,我猜他们是去吃饭和喝酒了。


那个男人对我做了一些我现在都不敢让男人人对我做的事情,
即使是在经过了10年的治疗,他也被判了坐牢8年,
当我晚上躺下的时候,我仍然会回想起他对我做的事情.
我的幸福、童年、尊严和自信都被击碎了.


当我告诉妈妈我受到的虐待时,她哭了好几天。
那个男人的老婆试图给我礼物,让我保持沉默,不去起诉他.
她知道自己的丈夫在做什么。


更糟的是,如果他骚扰我,那么,他对他们的儿子又做了些什么?


令我震惊的是,我父亲在这期间离开了我。
他无法承受一个患有创伤后应激障碍(PTSD)、严重抑郁症和焦虑症的孩子所带来的压力,所以他离开了我。
他收拾好行李,扭扭屁股就走了.
在我需要他的时候,在我需要他开导我的,需要他告诉我“并不是所有的人都像那个男人”的时候,在那种年纪,爸爸竟然离开了我.


没有了父亲,我经历了所有的创伤。
直到今天,我还没有从那件事中恢复过来。
我已经原谅了他,但我还没有恢复过来。
把这些写下来就像卸下了肩上的重担。感谢大家的阅读.


Tony Martin
I am very very sorry this happened to you. My cousin Patrick was likewise molested for years by a family friend, but he never told anyone and instead took his own life at age 11. I miss him still. I was much older than him and he was my favorite little cousin. As this was in Michigan in the 90s, even with the man admitting he molested by cousin, with my cousin dead they could not prosecute him based on the laws at that time. Not sure if it got any better. Destroyed the family, they were never the same. Now my Aunt died in her 50s, never seeing justice for her son.


评论:


我很抱歉这些事情发生在你身上。
我的表弟帕特里克(Patrick)多年来也曾被一位家族的朋友猥亵,
但他从未告诉过任何人,而是在11岁时结束了自己的生命。


我仍然想念他。
我比他大得多,他是我最喜欢的小表弟。
因为那时是在90年代的密歇根,即使现在那个人承认他猥亵我的表弟,我表弟死了也不能根据当时的法律起诉他。
没有指望能起诉那个恶人了.
他毁掉了别人的整个家庭,那个家庭再也不一样了。
现在,我的阿姨在50多岁时去世了,再也没有可能看到她儿子得到应有的公正对待了.

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发表于 2019-3-13 13:55:48 | 显示全部楼层
第二个印度姑娘的故事蛮温暖的, 她父母并不是因为种姓而阻止, 而是因为对男方的生活习惯和过去历史的不信任, 怕女儿嫁过去吃亏, 最后即便断绝关系, 女儿能管好丈夫而不是被欺负, 父母和妹妹暗暗的骄傲, 很温暖~~~
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发表于 2019-3-13 13:58:34 | 显示全部楼层
世界真大   
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