你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的（二）
How do you handle relatives who are at each others throats and you dearly love them?
译文简介
网友：是什么让人们不再相爱？这是生活和爱情的残酷事实：陌生人会激活我们体内的化学反应,它们是强大的带来快乐的化学物质。只有陌生人才会给我们这些强大的化学反应......
正文翻译
How do you handle relatives who are at each others throats and you dearly love them?
你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的?
你是如何处理那些你深爱着却又吵吵闹闹的亲戚关系的?
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What makes people stop loving each other?
This is the hard truth of life and love:
New people activate chemical reactions in our bodies. They are powerful pleasure chemicals.
Only strangers give us these powerful chemical reactions (i.e., they don't get activated with family members etc.)
People get married to total strangers and make life decisions under the influence of these chemical reactions - called “being in love.”
Physical love is a mirage. You know . . . .“that special feeling”. Freud said that being in love is “THE OVERESTIMATION OF THE obxt”. The truest thing he ever said:)
After 3–4 years these chemical reactions totally wear off. Sometimes it turns to hate. Every time you argue a bunch of these chemicals evaporate….permanently!
That's why most relationships end in a few years.
If you are not a character predisposed to be a friendly person and make friends with those close to you, that person you married will suddenly be repulsive to you.
You can slow down the process by healthy separations.
Your only chance is to have children to transition from physical passion to family passion. Thats the honorable way out …but it makes a long haul. And after 50 …there is no going back.
Make a choice not to live like animals chasing chemicals.
We all learn the hard way - dont we?
是什么让人们不再相爱？
这是生活和爱情的残酷事实：
陌生人会激活我们体内的化学反应,它们是强大的带来快乐的化学物质。
只有陌生人才会给我们这些强大的化学反应（即，他们不会被家人激活等）
人们与完全陌生的人结婚，并在这些化学反应的影响下做出人生决定——就被称为“恋爱”。
肉体上的爱是海市蜃楼。你知道的“那种特别的感觉”。弗洛伊德说恋爱是“对对象的高估”，这是他说过的最真实的话。
3-4年后，这些化学反应完全消失，有时会变成仇恨。每次你争论的时候，这些化学物质都会蒸发……而且是永久地蒸发！
这就是为什么大多数关系会在几年内结束。
如果你不是一个倾向于做一个友好的人并与亲近的人交朋友的人，和你结婚的那个人会突然让你反感。
你可以通过健康的分开来减缓这个过程。
你唯一的机会就是让孩子们从身体的激情过渡到家庭的激情。这是可敬的出路，但这是一段漫长的旅程。50岁以后就再也回不去了。
选择不要像追逐令你快乐的化学物质的动物一样生活。
我们都经历过惨痛的教训，不是吗？
How do I deal with a family member trying to tell me what to do?
Well… I had this happen. .
My brother called me up ( he lives in New Zealand ) , and told me that I should move in with my mom and take care of her., who lived 2 and 1/2 hours away , and I have a special needs kid , and had worked with the school system here for years .
We had caregivers to take care of my mom , but there had been problems. If he would have listened to what I had to say, I would have been fine . But then he started to argue with me . So I hung up on him .Then I got a call from another brother , who ‘s telling me to not be so angry.
Ahh , family problems. :)
No one has the right to tell you what to do ,unless they have the full picture . People like to give unsolicited advice , which can be really annoying . And older siblings think they can do this . It’s part of family dynamics that went on from when you were kids .
You just learn to say no , and tell them unequivally , just that , and that you are interested in something constructive , but they don’t have the right to boss you around anymore.
当家人试图告诉我该怎么做时，我该如何处理?
好吧…这是我的经历。
我哥哥打电话给我（他住在新西兰），告诉我应该搬去和我妈妈一起住，照顾她，她住在两个半小时车程以外的地方，我有一个有特殊需求的孩子，而且我在这里的学校工作了多年。
我们有看护人来照顾我妈妈，但一直存在问题。如果他能听我说的话，我就没事了。但后来他开始和我争论。于是我挂断了他的电话。然后我接到另一个哥哥的电话，他告诉我不要那么生气。
啊，家庭问题.....
没有人有权告诉你该怎么做，除非他们了解全部情况。人们喜欢主动提出建议，这真的很烦人。年长的兄弟姐妹认为他们可以这样做。这是家庭动态的一部分，在你小时候就这样了。
你只需要学会说不，直截了当地告诉他们，你对一些建设性的事情感兴趣，但他们没有权利再对你颐指气使了。
How do I deal with relatives who don't like what I like?
Just be cordial with them. Just about everyone has relatives and in-laws that we really don’t care to see. Dealing with these people are a part of life, work and school. Be cordial, and friendly but keep the level of distance that brings you peace. If you can’t stand do be near them, don’t don’t be near them. You are entitled to your feelings. Do what you need to for your personal peace and happiness. Say hello, and tolerate them but don’t force yourself to do more than you want to. Remember, the only person who you can control is you, you have no control over how they proceed.
我该如何对待那些不喜欢我喜欢的东西的亲戚?
对他们要真诚。几乎每个人都有我们不想见到的亲戚和姻亲。与这些人打交道是生活、工作和学校的一部分。要真诚友好，但要保持一定程度的距离，这会给你带来平静。如果你保持不住要靠近他们，一定不要靠近他们。你有权表达自己的感受，为了你个人的平静和幸福，和他们打个招呼，容忍他们，但不要强迫自己做超出自己意愿的事情。记住，你唯一能控制的人是你自己，你是无法控制他们如何行事的。
Just because someone's a relative, even a close one, do you have to love/like them?
My feelings about someone are not the result of a rational decision. They are a gut feeling based upon the sum total of my experiences with them. Therefore, it makes no sense to say that I must love, or even like anyone. I do not consider everyone with whom I share common ancestors to be part of my family. On the other hand, there are people who I do consider family, who I’m not related to. Family is less a biological fact for me, than it is a title which is earned.
仅仅因为某人是你的亲戚，甚至是亲密的人，你就必须爱/喜欢他们吗?
我对某人的感觉不是理性决定的结果。它们是基于我与它们相处的经验总和的直觉。因此，说我必须爱，甚至喜欢任何人都没有意义。我不认为每个和我有共同祖先的人都是我的家人。另一方面，有些人和我没有血缘关系，但把他们视作我的家人。于我而言，家庭与其说是生物学上的事实，不如说是一个挣来的头衔。
How do you deal with a close relative that you don't like?
It depends on a number of things. Is it their personality you dislike or just their behaviour? If it is particular behaviours you can set a boundaries with them and ask them to stop those behaviours in your presence. If they persist then leave their presence. If it is their personality that you dislike then there’s not much you can do about that other than avoid them.
Remember you have control of what you listen to or witness. For example I set a strict boundary with my mother by telling her that I was not prepared to,listen to her bitching and bad mouthing people, including me. Whenever she breached this I would remind her of the boundary and if she didn’t stop I would put the phone down or leave her. On one occasion she thought she was safe because I was giving her a lift in the car, so I did a U turn and started to take her back home. Strict enforcement is necessary if boundaries are to work.
Do you live with them? If you do, do you have to? Can you move out or get them to move out? Is it possible to use avoidance tactics to minimise your contact with them? If the dislike is mutual, don’t deal with them at all wherever possible.
You say this is a close relative so there may be times when you have to come across them unless you go completely no contact which is always an option. If there are family gatherings then try to stay as far away as possible and minimise the amount of interaction you have. Avoid eye contact. For the sake of everyone else present be coolly polite but do not engage in protracted conversation. Arrange a get out strategy with a trusted family member should they try to engage with you.
There is a popular myth that all families are happy and supportive and that all family members like each other. Nothing could be further from the truth and you don’t have to perpetuate this myth by pretending.
你如何对待你不喜欢的近亲?
这取决于许多因素。你不喜欢他们的个性还是他们的行为？如果是特定的行为，你可以与他们设定界限，并要求他们在你面前停止这些行为。如果他们坚持这些行为，离开他们就好。如果你不喜欢他们的个性，那么除了避开他们，你也无能为力。
记住，你可以控制你所听到或目睹的内容。例如，我和母亲设定了一个严格的界限，告诉她我不准备听她对包括我在内的人发牢骚和说脏话。每当她违反这一界限时，我都会提醒她这一界限，如果她不停下来，我就会放下电话或离开她。有一次，她曾以为她是安全的，因为我让她搭便车，所以我掉头，送她回家。如果要让边界感发挥作用，严格执行是必要的。
你和他们住在一起吗？如果你这样做，你必须这样做吗？你能搬出去还是能让他们搬出去呢？是否可以使用回避策略来尽量减少与他们的接触？如果这种厌恶是相互的，那么尽可能不要和他们打交道。
你说这是一个近亲，所以有时你可能不得不遇到他们，除非你完全不联系，这总是一种选择。如果有家庭聚会，那么尽量远离，尽量减少互动、避免眼神交流。为了在场的其他人，要冷静礼貌，但不要进行旷日持久的交谈。如果他们试图与你接触，与一个值得信赖的家庭成员一起制定一个脱身策略，以防他们试图与你接触。
有一个流行的神话，所有的家庭都是幸福和相互支持的，所有的家庭成员都喜欢彼此。事实远非如此，你不必伪装自己来延续这个神话。
Why is it so hard for some people to accept love?
I am a cold person. At this point of time, my emotional spectrum is zero. I just can’t feel anything except physical pain.
I have been like this for 3 years. I have made peace with my loneliness.
At this point, I am the nucleus of my life. I am the sun of my solar system. I don’t want anyone to take this postition. I feel sad for girls who confessed their love for me. I feel sad because I cannot give them what they deserve. Ironically, I cannot feel it.
I analysed this situation and found that my previous relationship had a huge effect on my current status of mind.
I tend to hurt people who come close to me. Infact, I don’t let anyone come closer.
So most people who don’t accept love were once completely immersed in it and drowned in it as well. Now, they are just protecting themselves. They are protecting themselves from being shattered again.
为什么有些人很难接受爱呢？
我是一个冷漠的人。此时此刻，我的情感光谱为零。除了身体上的疼痛，我什么都感觉不到。
我已经这样三年了，我已与孤独和解。
在这一点上，我是我生命的核心。我是太阳系的太阳。我不想让任何人担任这个角色。我为那些向我表白的女孩感到难过。我感到难过，因为我不能给她们应得的。具有讽刺意味的是，但我感觉不到爱。
我分析了这种情况，发现是我以前的恋爱关系对我现在的心理状态有很大的影响。
我倾向于伤害靠近我的人。事实上，我不让任何人靠近我。
所以，大多数不接受爱情的人，也曾经完全沉浸在爱情中，被爱情淹没。现在，他们只是在保护自己。他们保护自己是以免再次受到打击。
What is the ultimate expression of showing love?
Sex.
Few days ago, my girlfriend purchased some gold for her and for her mother with her first salary. She always used to told me that her family conditions were not good and her father couldn't get any ornaments for them. Now she's happy. All day she talked about her mother and how she'd be surprised with her gifts.
Next day, I got call from my village, father told me that mom was sick in a low voice and I was almost frozen after hearing that we need 3 lakhs immediately. I still needed 70k even after swiping my entire bank balance.
I started calling everyone in my phonebook and ended up losing my hopes with every phone call I made.
It was 1am and my girlfriend called me and told me to meet her infront of her hostel. I thought something happened wrong with her and I was being fucked from all the sides. I went to her with the same fear.
She was standing outside of her hostel holding a rectangular shaped newspaper wrapped thing in her left hand and smiling at me.
I went near with a relaxed face after seeing her smiling and she slapped me and asked why I didn't tell her that I'm in need of money.
She handed over me that rectangular thing and told me that it was 1lakh rupees. I was surprised and asked how she could get that huge money.
表达爱的最终方式是什么?
性爱
几天前，我女朋友用她的第一笔工资为她和她的母亲买了一些黄金。她总是告诉我，她的家庭条件不好，她的父亲也不买任何饰品。那一刻她很开心，她整天都在谈论她的母亲，以及说她会对她的礼物感到惊讶。
第二天，我接到村里的电话，父亲低声告诉我，妈妈生病了，听说我们要立刻准备30万卢比，我几乎惊呆了。即使刷光了我所有的银行存款，仍然需要7万卢比。
我开始给电话簿上的每个人打电话，结果每通电话都是失望。
那是凌晨1点，我的女朋友打电话给我，让我在她的宿舍前见她。我以为她出了什么事——被人围住欺负。我带着同样的恐惧去找她。
她站在宿舍外，左手拿着一个长方形的包裹着报纸的东西，对着我微笑。
看到她微笑后，我轻松地走近，她扇了我一巴掌，问我为什么不告诉她我需要钱。
她把那个长方形的东西递给我，告诉我是10万卢比。我很惊讶，问她怎么能得到这么多钱。
I was broken into tears after listening those words. She bought those ornaments for her mother and sold them for me. I was crying like a child hugging her.
All of sudden I started kissing her every where on face without even noticing that people was watching us on road. If that wasn't road you know where does it leads.
If you're referring about the love between couples, then sex is the highest form of love beyond which a man/woman could not express his/her love.
Now-a-days people are using sex for temporary pleasure without any love. That's not correct.
Sex must happen with love not with lust.
PS: Sorry in advance, if you found any grammar errors.
她只是简单地告诉我，她以低于实际价值的价格卖掉了才买回来几天的黄金。
听了这些话，我哭了。她给她妈妈买了这些饰品，然后卖了把钱给我。我抱着她哭得像个孩子。
突然间，我开始亲吻她的脸，甚至没有注意到路上有人在看着我们。如果这不是一条路，你知道会发生什么的。
如果你指的是夫妻之间的爱，那么性是最高形式的爱，越过它，男人/女人就无法表达他/她的爱。
现在，人们利用性来获得暂时的快乐，却没有任何爱，这是不对的。
性必须伴随着爱而不是欲望。
附言：如果你发现了语法错误，那提前道歉哈。
How does love die when they did love each other?
Well I have gone through one breakup and it has taught me so many lessons at least enough for this life.
I was in a relationship for 4.5 years and he lost interest. He stopped loving . Or in his Lang his love faded.
What I have learnt in my life seeing all the breakups around and mine is always always understand the fact that nothing in your life should be your life but just a part of your life.
Usually what happens is when a relationship starts the two are so much in love . Let's call this a honeymoon period. They can do anything for each other.
After a year they start discovering each other and understand that whAt they like in each other and what they don't. They fight but then things become normal.
Gradually one of the two starts putting more efforts.
The other one realises that no matter what that person is going to stick to me whatsoever wrong I do with him/her.
You loose your position.
You keep putting efforts more n more efforts without realising that what you are doing is actually worsening the situation.
They other one drifts to some other interests. May be friends. New girl/boy. Career.
And the relationship ends.
当他们彼此相爱时，爱是如何死去的?
我经历了一次分手，它给了我很多教训，至少足够我这辈子受用了。
我恋爱了4.5年，他对我失去了兴趣。他不再爱我了。或者在他的语言里，他的爱褪色了。
在我的生活中，看到身边的人和我经历的分手一事，总是明白一个事实，你的生活中没有什么应该是你的生活，那些只是你生活的一部分。
通常情况下，当一段关系开始时，两人会坠入爱河，我们称之为蜜月期，他们可以为彼此做任何事。
一年后，他们开始了解彼此，并了解他们喜欢对方的原因和不喜欢对方的地方。他们打架，但后来一切都正常了。
渐渐地，两人中的一方开始付出更多的努力。
另一方意识到，无论我对他/她做错了什么，我都会和他/她在一起。
你失去了你的定位。
你不断地付出努力，却没有意识到你所做的事情实际上正在让局势恶化。
另一个人转向了其它的兴趣：可能是朋友，可能是新认识的女孩/男孩，可能是职业生涯。
这段关系结束了。
What do you do when your family doesn't love you and you need love?
Hi
It might sound preachy to you but it is the harsh truth.
Family is everything to all of us. If that hot guy or girl doesn’t love you or you had a break-up, then family helps you get over it due to their selfless love and care. But sometimes we, as grown-up children, commit certain mistakes that remove all trust, love and care of our family from us. This is the root cause of lack of love.
Now coming to what you should do when they don’t love you.
First of all, learn to love yourself first. Learn to respect yourself. Find inspiration from youth icons to boost your morale. I believe you must have at least one person whom you look upto and idolize. Find out all about their journey of life such as how they survived the adversities, how they overcame the obstacles on the way to success. This will motivate you when all else fails. That person will give you strength proverbially. When you feel like giving up, you will remind yourself will this icon have achieved all this success if he gave up just like you?
当你的家人不爱你，而你需要爱时，你会怎么做？
你好
对你来说，这听起来可能很说教，但这是残酷的事实。
家庭是我们所有人的一切。如果那个性感的男人或女孩不爱你，或者你分手了，那么家人会帮助你度过难关——因为他们无私的爱和关心。但有时候，作为成年的孩子，我们会犯一些错误，让我们失去了家人对我们的信任、爱和照顾。这是缺乏爱的根本原因。
现在来谈谈当他们不爱你时你应该做什么。
首先，先学会爱自己、学会尊重自己。从年轻偶像身上汲取灵感，鼓舞士气。我相信你一定至少有一个你崇拜的人。了解他们的人生历程，比如他们是如何在逆境中幸存下来的，他们是如何克服成功道路上的障碍的。当其他一切都失败时，这会激励你。众所周知，那个人会给你力量。当你想放弃的时候，你会提醒自己，如果这个偶像像你一样放弃了，他会取得所有的成功吗？
Always remember, if they don’t love you that means God knows you are strong enough to deal with it and love yourself. Always remember that God loves you, forgives you, challenges you, protects you and guides you in unknown ways you don’t realize in.
Good luck! Hope it helps you.
想办法练习自爱并给予他人爱。做让你快乐的事、跟随你的心、追随你的激情、带出你内在的孩子（指一个人内心深处的童年记忆、情感和经历，通常与成长过程中的创伤和需求有关），有时要开玩笑。如果音乐、烹饪、体育、写作、阅读、精神或其他任何东西给你带来快乐，让你忘记了缺乏爱，那就去做吧。永远记住，在磨难和考验中，你是唯一可以依靠的人。如果可以的话，花点时间和孩子或贫困的孩子在一起，你会感觉很棒，你会感觉充满爱和满足感。孩子会让你感到快乐、积极，帮助有需要的人，而向他们倾注爱会让你自我感觉良好，情绪满足。不要忘记父母的牺牲、爱的姿态和辛勤的工作，这些都造就了你今天的样子。你永远不会知道，也许他们没有表现出来，但在内心深处，他们仍然关心你或爱你。你可以从小小的手势中看到。但是，还是要想办法爱自己，尊重自己。当你散发出自爱和高度自尊的氛围时，你会自然而然地把相似的人吸引到你身边。
永远记住，如果他们不爱你，那就意味着上帝知道你足够坚强，能够应对并爱自己。永远记住，上帝爱你，原谅你，挑战你，保护你，并以你没有意识到的未知方式引导你。
祝你好运希望它能帮助你。
Can one love and hate someone at the same time?
Remember, when your mom scolded your younger sibling? You may have enjoyed it for a second.
But ended up defending, going to them and cheering up them says it all.
You can’t even stand each other on smallest thing- fighting over the TV remote or their plate has extra spoon of maggie
But you can beat the shit out of third person who troubles them.
Keep back my charger. You can’t even share your charger it’s that much you hate them.
The amount of blackmailing you do to each other if caught for something wrong, you are mean af to each other.
You can’t even trust them for your piece of cake that you plan to eat later so you have to hide it somewhere.
But you don’t mind being weirdest self in front of them, that comfortable you are.
Have siblings?
You will know how you can hate somebody to your core that you end up saying to yourself I am not going to talk this person ever but it is love that makes you forget and talk like nothing ever happened.
一个人能同时又爱又恨一个人吗?
还记得你妈妈骂你弟弟妹妹的时候吗？你可能已经享受了一秒钟。
但最后却去为他们辩护，去鼓励他们，这说明了一切。
你们甚至在最小的事情上都无法忍受对方——争夺电视遥控器或者因为他们的盘子里多了一勺麦琪酱
但你可以把给他们带来麻烦的第三者打得屁滚尿流。
把我的充电器拿回来，你甚至不能分享你的充电器——你太讨厌他们了。
如果被发现做错了什么，你们对彼此的勒索次数越多，你们对彼此就越刻薄。
你甚至不能相信他们会把你打算稍后吃的那块蛋糕交给你，所以你必须把它藏在某个地方。
但你不介意在他们面前做最奇怪的自己，因为这让你很舒服。
有兄弟姐妹吗？
有的话你就会知道，你怎么会对一个人恨之入骨，你最终会对自己说，我永远不会和这个人说话，但正是爱又让你忘记这些，就像什么都没发生过一样和他们去说话。