简言之，英国的历史是怎样的?（一）

George Etteridge
In the beginning, there was a peninsula. Humans crossed over onto this peninsula over a piece of land called Doggerland. Then Doggerland was flooded, and the peninsula became an Island. The native inhabitants of the island spent a few thousand years doing Celtic stuff, before Julius Caesar decided he liked the look of the Island, which the Romans called Britannia, and claimed it for Rome. He tried to invade twice, and failed both times. However, the Roman Emperor Claudius succeeded, and The southern part of Britannia became part of the Roman Empire (the northern part, inhabited by the Picts, were successful in keeping the Romans out).
During this time, the regional capital of Britannia was established on a river, called Londinium. Also an East Anglian tribal leader called Boadicea got oppressed particularly badly by the Romans, and so led an uprising to take back control. She lost, but not before torching several major cities.

一开始，这里有一个半岛。人类越过一片叫做多格兰的土地来到了这个半岛。然后多格兰被洪水淹没，半岛变成了一个岛。岛上的土著居民花了几千年的时间做凯尔特的事情，直到凯撒大帝确认他喜欢这个岛屿的外观，罗马人称之为不列颠尼亚，并宣称它为罗马。他两次试图入侵，两次都失败了。。然而，罗马皇帝克劳迪斯成功了，不列颠尼亚的南部成为罗马帝国的一部分（皮克特人居住的北部成功地将罗马人拒之门外）。
在此期间，不列颠尼亚的地区首府建在一条叫做伦敦的河上。此外，一位名叫博阿迪西亚的东安格利亚部落领袖受到罗马人的特别严重的压迫，因此领导了一场夺回控制权的起义。她失败了，但在此之前，她烧毁了几个主要城市。

Eventually however, the Romans had to go home because Rome was being threatened by barbarians, and they needed the troops there.
Newly independent Britain was promptly invaded by the Saxons, who got assimilated into the British population and became Anglo-Saxons. These Anglo Saxons faced problems from another group of invaders, Vikings. This was not helped by the fact England was not united yet. In this period the only two rulers in British history to get the name “the great” ruled: Alfred (an Anglo-Saxon) and Cnut ( a Viking). Eventually, England was unified, but the Vikings were still being a pain.
However, in 1066 a third group of invaders arrived: Normans. 1066 saw two invasions of England. The Anglo-Saxons beat the Vikings at Stamford Bridge, but lost to the Normans because they were tired and had taken losses while doing this (never let it be said we make excuses for our defeats.)

最后，罗马人不得不回家，因为罗马受到蛮族的威胁，他们需要军队驻扎在那里。
新独立的英国很快就被撒克逊人入侵，他们被英国人同化，成为盎格鲁-撒克逊人。这些盎格鲁-撒克逊人面临着来自另一群入侵者维京人的问题。英格兰尚未统一的事实对这种情况也没有帮助。在这一时期，英国历史上只有两位统治者被称为“伟人”:阿尔弗雷德(盎格鲁-撒克逊人)和克努特(维京人)。最终，英格兰统一了，但维京人仍然是一个麻烦。
然而，1066年，第三批入侵者抵达：诺曼人。1066年发生了两次对英格兰的入侵。盎格鲁-撒克逊人在斯坦福桥击败了维京人，但输给了诺曼人，因为他们太累了，在这样做的过程中遭受了损失（千万不要说我们为失败找借口。）

Over the next few years, the English fought the Scots, the Muslims (Crusades), the French, and each other. The Magna Carta was signed when King John annoyed his Nobles too much.
Then the Hundred Years War started, after the French tried to lord it over the King of England and the King of England obxted and tried to push a claim . The English won battles like Agincourt and Crecy, but lost the war. However, a civil war had broken out at home between two rival dynasties to the throne. It ended in 1486 with neither of them winning and the Tudors taking power. Henry VII had to consolidate his dynasty's power, and spent much of his time crushing rebellions. Henry VIII is most famous for his frankly obscene amount of wives. Oh, and he also broke away from the Catholic Church. Edward died young, Lady Jane Grey only had 9 days on the throne and was then executed, Mary I married the King of Spain, turned England Catholic again and then persecuted heretics, and Elizabeth I annoyed the Spanish, turned England protestant again, beat off a Spanish invasion fleet then died without an heir. The English turned to the Scots, and invited their King, James VI, to become King James I of England too. It was at this time the first English colonies in America were founded. Also some terrorists tried to blow up parliament and failed.

在接下来的几年里，英国人与苏格兰人、穆斯林（十字军东征）、法国人以及彼此作战。《大宪章》是在约翰国王惹恼贵族时签署的。
随后，百年战争开始了，法国人试图凌驾于英格兰国王之上统治英国，但英国国王反对并试图提出索赔。英国人赢得了像 阿金库尔战役和克里西战役，但输掉了战争。然而，国内两个争夺王位的王朝之间爆发了内战。战争于1486年结束，双方均未获胜，都铎王朝掌权。亨利七世不得不巩固其王朝的权力，并花费了大量时间镇压叛乱。亨利八世最出名的是他的妻子数量之多。对了，他还脱离了天主教会。爱德华英年早逝，简·格雷夫人在位仅9天就被处决，玛丽一世嫁给了西班牙国王，使英格兰再次皈依天主教，然后迫害异教徒，伊丽莎白一世惹恼了西班牙人，使英格兰再次皈依天主教，击退了西班牙入侵舰队，然后在没有继承人的情况下去世。英格兰人转向苏格兰人，邀请他们的国王詹姆斯六世也成为英格兰国王詹姆斯一世。正是在这个时候，英国在美洲建立了第一批殖民地。还有一些恐怖分子试图炸毁议会，但失败了。

James' son, Charles I, believed in the Divine right of Kings. This, coupled with unpopular taxes, unpopular religious reforms and his utter disregard for Parliament led to Civil War. The royalists lost. England became a Republic for the first and only time in its history. However, the Commonwealth, led by Oliver Cromwell, made itself unpopular through its puritanical rules, constant wars with the Dutch, and horrible acts committed against the Irish (See also: Drogheda.)
This led to the monarchy being restored on the death of Cromwell, and Charles' son, Charles II, became king. During his reign, an outbreak of the plague swept the nation, and also a massive fire hit London in 1666. King Charles was reputed to have personally led firefighting efforts, and so his popularity went up.
However, his son, James II, was not so popular, because he allied with France against the Dutch and was rumoured to be trying to turn England Catholic again. As a result, when the Dutch leader William of Orange (a Protestant) invaded and usurped the throne, Parliament allowed him to, with some checks and balances on his power. James fled, then tried to regain his power by invading Ireland. He failed.

詹姆斯的儿子查理一世相信国王的神圣权利。再加上不受欢迎的税收、不受支持的宗教改革以及他完全无视议会，导致了内战。保皇党输了。英格兰历史上第一次也是唯一一次成为共和国。然而，由奥利弗·克伦威尔领导的英联邦由于其清教徒式的规则、与荷兰的持续战争以及针对爱尔兰人的可怕行为而不受欢迎（另见：Drogheda）
这导致克伦威尔去世后君主制得以恢复，查尔斯的儿子查理二世成为国王。在他统治期间，瘟疫爆发席卷全国，1666年伦敦也发生了大火。据说查尔斯国王亲自领导了灭火工作，因此他的声望上升了。
然而，他的儿子詹姆斯二世却不那么受欢迎，因为他与法国结盟对抗荷兰人，有传言说他试图让英格兰再次皈依天主教。结果，当荷兰领导人奥兰治的威廉(新教徒)入侵并篡夺王位时，议会允许他这样做，并对他的权力进行了一些制衡。詹姆斯逃跑了，然后试图通过入侵爱尔兰重新掌权。他失败了。

William eventually died without an heir, and so his sister in law, Queen Anne, became monarch. Eventually she died heirless too, and (now British- England and Scotland unified in 1707) Monarchy did their wandering and settled on the Elector of Hanover, a German state, who duly came to Britain and was crowned King George I. However, he spoke almost no English and considered himself much more German. The Stuarts meanwhile tried a couple more times to get their throne back. They caused two rebellions in Scotland to do this, called the Jacobite Rebellions. Two generations of Stuarts tried, and two generations of Stuarts failed, culminating in the last battle on British soil at the Battle of Culloden in 1746. By this stage King George II was in power, and though he could at least speak English he still preferred Hanover. In 1756, the Seven Years War got started, where Britain and France fought for global domination in Europe, North America, India and everywhere else (and Prussia did something too). In 1759 Britain had it’s year of victories, where they won so much the Church bells were reputed to have been worn out from ringing to celebrate. In 1760 King George III ascended the throne, and he at last considered himself fully British, and was generally just better than his predecessors (even if he gets almost no credit today).

威廉最终死后没有继承人，于是他的嫂子安妮女王成为了君主。最终，她也去世了，没有继承人，因此（现在的英国-英格兰和苏格兰于1707年统一）皇室四处游荡，最终选定了汉诺威选帝侯，汉诺威是德国的一个州，皇室适时地来到英国，被加冕为国王乔治一世。然而，他几乎不会说英语，认为自己更像德国人。与此同时，斯图亚特王朝又多次试图夺回王位。他们在苏格兰引发了两次叛乱，叫做詹姆斯二世党人起义，称为雅各宾派叛乱。两代斯图亚特人进行了尝试，但两代斯图亚特人失败了，最终于1746年在英国领土上的最后一场战役——卡洛登战役达到高潮。在这个阶段，国王乔治二世掌权了，尽管他至少会说英语，但他还是更喜欢汉诺威。1756年，七年战争爆发，英法为争夺欧洲、北美、印度和其他地方的全球控制权而战(普鲁士也做了一些事情)。1759年，英国迎来了胜利之年，他们大获全胜，以至于教堂的钟声都被震坏了。1760年，乔治三世登基，他终于认为自己是完全的英国人，而且总体上比他的前任们好一点(即使他现在几乎没有功劳)。

However, the Seven Years War had consequences that were less positive for Britain. They tried to tax their American Colonies as they had benefitted the most from the war, but the Colonies threw a hissy fit and declared independence, and, assisted by the French and Spanish, won, though the British at least kept Gibraltar and Canada.
Even worse, the French then had a revolution of their own in 1789, and tried to spread the revolution around, including to Britain. They declared war on Britain in 1793, which would lead to 22 years of almost continuous warfare between the two nations, first with Revolutionary France and then Napoleonic France.
Also, in 1801 Ireland became fully incorporated into the unx.
In 1815 the Second Hundred Years War finally ended, with Britain the proud owner of a large empire and a large navy. However, there was plenty of domestic unrest and subsequent government clampdowns.

然而，七年战争对英国的影响却不那么具备建设性。他们试图向美洲殖民地征税，因为他们从战争中获益最多，但殖民地发出嘶嘶声，宣布独立，并在法国和西班牙的协助下获胜，尽管英国至少保留了直布罗陀和加拿大。
更糟糕的是，法国在1789年也发生了自己的革命，并试图将革命传播到世界各地，包括英国。他们在1793年向英国宣战，这导致了两国之间22年几乎不间断的战争，首先是与大革命的法国，然后是拿破仑的法国。
此外，在1801年，爱尔兰完全被纳入联邦。
1815年，第二次百年战争终于结束，英国自豪地拥有了一个庞大的帝国和一支庞大的海军。然而，国内出现了大量骚乱，随后政府采取了镇压措施。

Also, the Industrial revolution had been happening, which caused a migration into cities out of the towns, and also greatly expanded Britain’s population and what it could build.
Britain also had to deal with the Irish Potato Famine during this period. Though the government of Peel did at least try to deal with the crisis, the Whigs that came to power after Peel lost his government repealing the Corn Laws were racist, and so they pretty much let the Irish starve.
Meanwhile, the age of Gladstone and Disraeli was beginning, where the two politicians’ bids to outdo each other led to much more of the electorate getting the vote, and also set the ball rolling on Irish Home Rule.
In the early 1900s the British were dealing with Suffragettes and the calls for votes for women, Irish Home Rule and Trade unxs. These problems were all either solved or delayed by a convenient World War. After WW1, women got the vote, but the Irish had a war of independence, which was followed by a Civil War, in the 1920s. There was also a General Strike, but the Prime Minister dealt with it masterfully .

同时，工业革命正在发生，这导致了大量人口从城镇迁移到城市，也极大地扩大了英国的人口和建设能力。
在此期间，英国还不得不应对爱尔兰的马铃薯饥荒。尽管皮尔的政府至少尝试了应对危机，但在皮尔的政府因废除《谷物法》而失败后上台的辉格党是种族主义者，所以他们让爱尔兰人挨饿。
与此同时，格莱斯顿和迪斯雷利的时代开始了，这两位政治家试图超越对方，导致更多的选民获得了选票，也开启了爱尔兰的地方自治。
在20世纪初，英国人正在处理妇女参政论者和呼吁妇女投票、爱尔兰地方自治和工会的问题。这些问题都被一场适宜的世界大战解决了或推迟了。第一次世界大战后，妇女获得了选举权，但爱尔兰爆发了独立战争，随后在20世纪20年代爆发了内战。还有一次总罢工，但首相巧妙地处理了它。

During the 1930s, mass unemployment struck as a result of the Wall Street Crash, but the British did not take to radical politics in quite the same way others did to deal with the problem. Edward VIII, who was a Nazi sympathiser, abdicated the throne before he could be officially crowned so that he could marry an American called Wallis Simpson. He was replaced by his brother, George VI.
Also in this period the problem of how to deal with a resurgent Germany was quite pressing. Some favoured letting them unite the German people, others regarded them as an existential threat. Neville Chamberlain was initially on the side of those who wanted to let Germany unite the Germans, until he saw what the Germans did to Czechoslovakia, when he rearmed and loudly backed Poland. Germany invaded Poland, and WW2 was underway. Britain came out of that war having stood alone against an existential threat.

在20世纪30年代，华尔街崩盘导致了大规模失业，但英国人并没有像其他国家那样采取激进的政治手段来解决这个问题。爱德华八世是纳粹的同情者，他在正式加冕之前就放弃了王位，这样他就可以和一个叫沃利斯·辛普森的美国人结婚了。接替他的是他的弟弟乔治六世。
在这一时期，如何应对复兴的德国的问题也十分紧迫。一些人赞成让他们团结德国人民，另一些人则认为他们是一种生存威胁。内维尔·张伯伦最初站在那些希望让德国统一德国的人一边，直到他看到德国人对捷克斯洛伐克的所作所为，他重新武装起来，大声支持波兰。德国入侵波兰，战争结束后，英国独自面对生死存亡的威胁。

After the war, the empire began to leave. First India, then others left. Apart from one abortive intervention at the Suez Canal in 1956, the British mostly accepted the age of imperialism was over. Queen Elizabeth II ascended the throne in 1952. The Empire was replaced by the Commonwealth, which was a unx of states with common values in which Britain was the equal of all the other members and not the British Empire Vol.2.
In the 60s the British did invade the USA again…through the medium of song, with people like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.
However, the 1960s through the 1990s saw The Troubles, where the Provisional IRA and unxist Paramilitaries fought each other and the British Army in Northern Ireland. The IRA wanted a United Ireland, the unxists wanted to stay in the UK.
In the 1970s there were mass strikes and eceonomic issues. Britain did at least manage to stay out of Vietnam, having had its own Vietnam moment 60 years earlier in the Second Boer War.

战后，帝国开始离开殖民地，先是离开印度，然后离开其他国家。除了1956年对苏伊士运河的一次失败干预外，英国人基本上接受了帝国主义时代已经结束的事实。英国女王伊丽莎白二世于1952年登基。帝国被英联邦所取代，这是一个拥有共同价值观的国家联盟，其中英国与所有其他成员平等，而不是大英帝国。
在60年代，英国人再次入侵美国，通过歌曲的媒介，比如披头士和滚石乐队。
然而，20世纪60年代到90年代发生了“麻烦”，临时爱尔兰共和军和统一党准军事部队相互争斗，英军也在交战，并与英国军队作战。爱尔兰共和军想要一个统一的爱尔兰，统一派想留在英国。
20世纪70年代出现了大规模罢工和经济问题。英国至少设法远离了越南，60年前的第二次布尔战争中，英国也有过自己的越南时刻。

In 1973 Britain joined the EU, but it didn’t join the Euro or the Schengen zone. In 1979, Britain got its first Female Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, who had been termed the “Iron Lady” by the Soviets. when Argentina invaded the Falklands in 1982, Thatcher sent a task force to remove them again. They succeeded, and the Argentine Military Junta that had carried out the invasions fell the following year.
In 1984, the miners went on strike, but were defeated, effectively spelling the end of large scale coal mining.
In 1997 Hong Kong was handed back to China, which has been seen as the final death of the British Empire. The Troubles ended about the same time, when the IRA signed the Good Friday Agreement to disarm.
Britain went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan to support the Americans in their War on Terror, but Iraq certainly was never very popular with the British public.
In 2012, London hosted the Olympics.

1973年，英国加入了欧盟，但它没有加入欧元区或申根区。1979年，英国迎来了第一位女首相玛格丽特·撒切尔，她被苏联称为“铁娘子”。1982年阿根廷入侵福克兰群岛时，撒切尔派了一支特别部队再次将他们赶走。他们成功了，实施入侵的阿根廷军政府在第二年垮台了。
1984年，矿工们举行了罢工，但被击败，这实际上标志着大规模煤矿开采的结束。
1997年，香港回归中国，这被视为大英帝国的最后灭亡。麻烦大约在同一时间结束，爱尔兰共和军签署了《耶稣受难日协议》解除武装。
英国在伊拉克和阿富汗战争中支持美国的反恐战争，但伊拉克肯定从来没有受到英国公众的欢迎。
2012年，伦敦主办了奥运会。

In 2014, the Scottish held a referendum to determine whether they should be independent from the UK. The pro-independence movement lost, but since began lobbying for another one.
In 2015, a General Election was held. The conservatives under David Cameron won, but with the fateful promise that they would hold a referendum on EU membership.
That referendum took place in 2016, and the UK voted to leave.
As of 2017, Theresa May is in charge, and there are huge question marks hanging over the future of the UK.
(EDITED to bring the answer more up to date and add additional information about the 20th century.)

2014年，苏格兰人举行了一次公投，以确定他们是否应该从英国独立。支持独立的运动失败了，但此后开始游说另一场独立运动。
2015年，举行了大选。大卫·卡梅伦领导下的保守派赢得了胜利，但他们做出了决定性的承诺，他们会就是否留在欧盟举行公投。
公投于2016年举行，英国投票决定脱欧。
截至2017年，特雷莎·梅（Theresa May）执掌大权，英国的未来仍有巨大的问号。
（经过编辑，使答案更加与时俱进，并添加有关20世纪的更多信息。）

Barry Blatt
In 1657 Thomas Garway started selling tea in his coffee shop and though Charles II taxed it and required coffee house owners to buy licenses (a lot of loose political talk happened in coffee houses over both tea and coffee) it caught on and was firmly established by 1700 and a British favourite by 1750. High taxes led to lucrative tea smuggling and the desire for tea led to the design of fast clipper ships to rush it back to the UK from India. The demand for tea cups and pots helped the industrial revolution along, especially in the midlands, and tea spoons poured out of Sheffield.
More rain, but punctuated by the sound of spoon on porcelain.

1657年，托马斯·加韦开始在他的咖啡店卖茶，尽管查理二世对其征税，并要求咖啡馆老板购买许可证（咖啡馆里发生了很多关于茶和咖啡的松散政治言论），但它还是流行起来了，并在1700年站稳了脚跟，在1750年成为英国人的最爱。高税收导致了利润丰厚的茶叶走私，对茶叶的渴望导致了快速快船的设计，对茶杯和茶壶的需求推动了工业革命的发展，尤其是在中部地区，茶勺从谢菲尔德源源不断地流出。
又下起了雨，但不时传来勺子敲击瓷器的声音。