QA问答：作为一名治疗师，有什么让你每次听到都会翻白眼？
As a therapist, what makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?
译文简介
“我非常反社会”或“我的孩子非常反社会”。看着坐在我办公室里看起来很正常的人（或孩子），我问他们为什么要这么说。“我真的很喜欢独处。我可以花一整天时间沉浸在自己的行为中。我不喜欢参加派对等”。我在脑海里翻了个白眼：不喜欢社交，而不是反社会。
正文翻译
As a therapist, what makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it?
作为一名心理治疗师，有什么让你每次听到都会翻白眼？
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“They’re just doing it for ATTENTION!!!”
Every living, breathing human does things for attention. Getting another person’s attention is not a pathological act. We are pack animals, for bleep’s sake. Getting a person’s attention is how we communicate with each other.
When I hear people say that someone is doing something “for attention,” I kindly ask them to swap out the words “for attention” and replace them with “to communicate.” As you’re reading this, say it out loud with me — “They’re just doing it to COMMUNICATE!!!” Creates a very different effect, doesn’t it? Additionally, I might ask a person who is describing another’s actions as “attention-seeking behavior” to swap out “attention-seeking” with “interaction-seeking” as it’s a much more accurate descxtion of the function of whatever the other person is doing. The bonus effect is that viewing behavior as a means of communication or expression tends to make us a bit kinder and gentler with each other. I can’t think of anything that makes me roll my eyes at that.
“他们这么做只是为了获得注意力！！！”
每一个活着的、会呼吸的人，都会为了引起别人的注意力而去做某些事。想引起别人的注意不是一种病态行为。看在老天爷的份上，我们是群居动物。吸引一个人的注意力是我们彼此交流的方式。
当我听到有人说，有人做某事是“为了引起注意”的时候，我善意地要求他们把“为了引起关注”这个词换成“为了交流”。当你读到这篇文章时，大声跟我说出来——“他们这样做只是为了交流！！！”
这会产生一种非常不同的效果，不是吗？此外，我要求他人把“为了引起关注”，改成“为了交流”，是因为这是对他人所做任何事情的功能的更准确描述。另一个好处是，将别人的行为视为一种交流或表达的方式，往往会让我们对彼此更友善、更温和。
除此之外，我想不出还有什么能让我翻白眼的。
I'm not the therapist, but rather the patient. I went to a therapist because I was depressed. The first couple of appointments I was cracking jokes and talking fast. After that I let my guard down and just kind of walked her through my average days. She diagnosed me bipolar. But I didn't cycle. At all. This was when she gave the hard sigh. She said it didn't matter because I was textbook manic in the beginning. She said the first day of school her professor had told the class that if someone comes in tapping their leg, talking fast, and sounding like a stand up comedian, they're either manic or on cocaine. I still didn't buy it because I didn't have dangerous behaviors and I didn't cycle. I would go back and forth multiple times a day. She diagnosed me bipolar NOS and had the psychiatrist prescribe me mood stabilizers. I asked the doctor about the cycling and he said, “Well you're not manic all the time and you're not depressed all the time. You're not unipolar so you're bipolar.”
我不是治疗师，而是病人。我去看了心理医生，因为我很沮丧。前几次治疗，我开玩笑，语速很快。在那之后，我放松了警惕，她陪着我度过了一些平常的日子。她诊断我患有躁郁症。但是我说我不总是如此。就在这时，她重重地叹了一口气。她说这没关系，因为我一开始就是教科书式的狂躁症。她说，开学第一天，她的教授就告诉全班同学，如果有人进来敲腿，说话很快，听起来像一个单口相声演员，他们要么是狂躁，要么是吸食了可卡因。我仍然不相信，因为我没有危险行为，也不是总是如此。我会一天内往返多次。她诊断我为双相情感障碍 ，并让精神科医生给我开了情绪稳定剂。我问医生关于情绪周期循环的事，他说：“你不是一直狂躁，也不是一直抑郁。你不是单极，所以你是双相的。”
I wish my first therapist had taken more than 5 minutes to set her mind on a diagnosis. Or that when I questioned it, she had listened rather than sigh and roll her eyes at me.
我一直以为情绪就是这么工作的。但他们是专家。情绪稳定剂没有改变任何事情，但谈话疗法有了帮助。几年后，我回到了同一个地方，但找到了不同的治疗师。她对双相情感障碍的诊断表示怀疑，但自从我告诉她我的确是这样的，她就同意了。有一次，我提到我看到精神科医生时有多讨厌，因为我一直在开玩笑和大笑，而她实际上没有看到我的抑郁症，而且当我走出她的办公室时，会觉得自己很沮丧，我的确是这样做了，但我不知道为什么，我停不下来。那一天，我的档案从“轻躁症”变成了“用幽默作为防御机制”。
之后，我们开始意识到我有严重的焦虑，这会导致抑郁。当我焦虑时，我会开玩笑，我忍不住。我几乎总是对某些事情感到焦虑或紧张。我讨厌自己一直如此虚伪，不能平静下来，保持正常，所以我很沮丧。她将我的诊断改为广泛性焦虑症，我根据需要改用Paxil和Xanax（抗抑郁药名）。这药有帮助。三年前，我的医生给我换成了Wellbutrin，现在我感觉比以往任何时候都好，体重减轻了40磅。我不再开玩笑，不再表现得像在吸食可卡因。或者至少如此表现了，不再那么频繁。
我希望我的第一位治疗师花了5分钟以上的时间来确定诊断。或者，当我提出质疑时，她只是听着，而不是叹息，并对我翻白眼。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
As someone else said here it would not be a good or positive thing for a therapist to roll their eyeballs “every time they hear” whatever … This could communicate to a client that what they say is not valuable, that the therapist is making a judgment, that the therapist is tired of listening to the client, and so on. As I write this I am aware that there is one thing that makes me Internally “roll my eyeballs” which happens when a client makes a preliminary statement such as “you’re going to think I’m crazy,” and then they proceed to tell me something. We do not label clients as Crazy and I am always understanding that whatever a client brings to me is important to them and that I am not judging. We usually talk of clients problems in terms of them making poor decisions that lead to consequences - some mild, some life-changing. “Crazy” has no place in our work.
正如其他人在这里所说的那样，治疗师“每次听到”任何事情时都会翻白眼，这不是一件好事或积极的事情……这可能会告诉客户，他们所说的没有价值，治疗师在做出判断，治疗师厌倦了倾听客户的意见，等等。当我写这篇文章的时候，我意识到有一件事让我在内心“翻白眼”，当一个客户做出一个初步陈述，比如“你会认为我疯了”，然后他们告诉我一些事情时，就会发生这种情况。我们不会给客户贴上“疯狂”的标签，我始终明白，无论客户给我带来什么，对他们来说都很重要，我也不会做出评判。我们通常谈论客户的问题，因为他们做了糟糕的决定，导致了一些后果——有些轻微，有些改变了生活。“疯狂”在我们的工作中没有位置。
“I’m very antisocial” or “my child is very antisocial.” Looking at the seemingly well-adjusted person (or child) seated in my office, I ask what makes them say that. “I really like to be by myself. I can spend a whole day lost in my own activities. I don’t like going to parties etc etc.” In my head I roll my eyes: asocial, not antisocial.
“我非常反社会”或“我的孩子非常反社会”。看着坐在我办公室里看起来很正常的人（或孩子），我问他们为什么要这么说。“我真的很喜欢独处。我可以花一整天时间沉浸在自己的行为中。我不喜欢参加派对等”。我在脑海里翻了个白眼：不喜欢社交，而不是反社会。
If the therapist rolls his/her eyes at something a patient says - a skilled therapist would be asking herself questions about it: What are my countertransference feelings toward the patient? What does this have to do with my stuff that I’m feeling annoyed with the patient or what’s being said? Rolling your eyes is passive aggressive. What is being enacted between therapist and patient that prevents the therapist from being more direct about what is coming up? We’re human - so to say that it never happens doesn’t feel authentic. If it does happen, treating it with curiosity can deepen the moment and the relationship. Skilled therapists use their countertransference feelings to better understand themselves, the patient, and the relationship.
Very early in my career I once had a patient who put me to sleep. When I woke up, I was horrified but she didn’t even notice and was still talking at which point I interrupted her and asked her, “Did you notice that I actually fell asleep and woke up just now?” She glossed it over and kept talking so I had to slow her down. I knew something was off between us but at the time I didn’t have the skills , courage or experience to articulate this to her. But it was important to ask myself, “Why did that happen?” Not because she was “boring” but rather because she had an elaborate defense mechanism. She talked at me but did not know how to connect. It was a great moment for us because we could really analyze how she created distance rather than connection through talking.
A good therapist will be curious about rolling her eyes by checking in with her countertransference feelings and then use these countertransference feelings for his/her interventions with the patient.
如果治疗师对患者说的话翻白眼，熟练的治疗师会问自己一些问题：我对患者的反移情是什么？这与我对患者感到恼火的东西或所说的话有什么关系？翻白眼是被动攻击。治疗师和患者之间发生了什么，阻止治疗师对即将发生的事情直接指明原因？我们是人，所以说这从来没有发生过，感觉不真实。如果真的发生了，用好奇心来对待它可以加深这一刻和彼此间的关系。熟练的治疗师利用他们的反移情情绪来更好地理解自己、患者和彼此间的关系。
在我职业生涯的早期，曾经有一个病人让我直接睡着了。当我醒来时，我吓坏了，但她甚至没有注意到，还在说话，这时我打断了她，问她：“你注意到我刚才睡着了，又醒了吗？”。我知道我们之间有点矛盾，但当时我没有能力、勇气或经验向她表达这一点。但重要的是要问自己，“为什么会这样？”不是因为她“无聊”，而是因为她有一套精心设计的防御机制。她对着我说话，但不知道如何沟通。这对我们来说是一个伟大的时刻，因为我们可以真正分析她是如何通过交谈而不是沟通来创造距离的。
一个好的治疗师，会好奇地通过检查自己的反移情来感受自己为什么想翻白眼，然后将这些反移情感受用于他/她对患者的干预。
The misuse of psychological terms.
This mainly includes the misuse of the terms ‘OCD’, ‘narcissist’, and ‘schizophrenia/schizophrenic/schizo/schizoid’.
Just yesterday, I had a female client. Brunette, mid 30s, very perfectionistic. I had asked her to take personality questionnaire to help me get to know a little more about her. In the middle of our session, the building janitor had knocked on my door and I had got up to answer it. As usual, he was just there to empty my trash bin into his [bigger] trash can. Meanwhile, my client was constantly sharpening her pencil to the point that it was dagger sharp and rearranging her papers. When I say back down, I asked what she was doing, making all of that unnecessary noise, in which she replied, “Sorry, Dr. Calendar. I’m quite OCD.”.
Bruh.
In my head, I wanted to educate her about OCD and why she doesn’t have it, but I just smiled and let her continue with the test.
心理学术语的误用。
这主要包括滥用“强迫症”、“自恋者”和“精神分裂症”等术语。
就在昨天，我有一个女客户。Brunette，30多岁，非常完美主义。我让她做了一份性格问卷，以帮助我对她有更多的了解。会议进行到一半时，大楼的看门人敲了我的门，我起身去接。像往常一样，他只是在那里把我的垃圾桶倒进他的（更大的）垃圾桶。与此同时，我的客户不断地把铅笔磨得锋利，并重新整理她的文件。当我回去时，我问她在做什么，制造了所有不必要的噪音，她回答说：“对不起，Calendar医生。我有强迫症。”
老兄！
在我的脑海中，我想告诉她什么是强迫症，以及为什么她没有强迫症，但我只是微笑着让她继续做测试。
I’m not a therapist but I have a long history of mental illness in my family, my dad has OCD, my uncle has Schizophrenia and I’m bipolar. And like it astounds me how many people have no idea what those terms mean and they love to throw them around. Like they think ocd means being clean they have no idea that checking the locks 100x and switching on and off the lights and only being able to go home the exact way you got there are symptoms… or they think schizophrenia is about people who have different personalities like no that’s multiple personality disorder…. this one is more about seeing and hearing things… and omg the way bipolar gets thrown around like “omg I am so bipolar! I ordered Chinese food like 5 minutes ago but I actually think I want Mexican food lol” like no…. bipolar is extreme periods of depression and sleeping 90% of the time that alternates with being forced to have a good time by your brain and having panic attacks and getting zero sleep and thinking everyone you meet is your soulmate… people just throw words around and it drives me crazy
我不是一名治疗师，但我的家庭有很长的精神疾病史，我的父亲患有强迫症，我的叔叔患有精神分裂症，我患有躁郁症。让我吃惊的是，有很多人不知道这些术语的含义，但他们却喜欢到处使用这些词语。他们以为强迫症就是想一直保持清洁，他们不知道强迫症会去检查门锁100次，打开又关闭灯，只有按照你想要的方式才能回家……或者他们认为精神分裂症是指会有性格不同的人格，不，那是多重人格障碍……精神分裂更多的是关于看到或者听到的东西……还有，躁郁症也常被人引用，比如：“哦，我太躁郁症了！我5分钟前点了中国菜，但实际上我想我想吃墨西哥菜，哈哈”，不……躁郁症是一种极度抑郁和90%的时间都在睡觉的时期，你的大脑会强迫你玩得很开心、恐慌发作、零睡眠以及认为你遇到的每一个人都是你的灵魂伴侣，这些情况交替出现……人们只是随便说几句话，就会让我发疯。
I'm not a therapist but my father has PTSD from the military, and he has hallucinations and can be reduced to a teary mess from flashbacks. My stepmother told me that people who make fun of PTSD have never seen a full grown man sobbing with their head in someone's lap trying to will away flashback of something he can't bring himself to speak about. It's not a fucking joke, and it's not funny, and I'm so sick and tired of peoples bullshit
我不是一名治疗师，但我父亲患有来自军队的创伤后应激障碍，他有幻觉，突然就会变成泪流满面。我的继母告诉我，那些取笑创伤后应激障碍的人，从来没有见过一个成年男子把头放在别人的腿上哭泣，试图消除他无法倾诉的事情的回忆。这不是一个他妈的玩笑，也不好笑，我对人们的胡说八道感到恶心和厌倦。
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I am a person who actually suffers with a couple of legitimately diagnosed psychiatric sydromes/illnesses and whose family members also suffer from an array of psychiatric sydromes/illnesses. But I have something to say to this question that I cannot refrain from expressing, regardless of my lack of a degree/occupation in the specified area.
It makes me “nuts" when people refer to being this or that psychiatric disorder in a light-hearted, careless manner -as a punchline to a joke. “Oh, God Becky… I was all over the place today! Totally Bipolar!” “You should hear my ipod music list, Scott! My taste in music is so scizophrenic!” “O…M…G, Felicity! You should have seen how unfocused Zach was today in Chem! Total ADD boy the whole period!” “I am so OCD about my M & M's, Rachel! I totally have to separate them by color and eat each color separately!” “Sinister completely gave me PTSD for, like, weeks, Gavin! I just can't go see the sequel!”
免责声明：我不是治疗师。我是一个实际上患有两种合法诊断的精神病症状/疾病的人，我的家庭成员也患有一系列精神病症状或疾病。但是，对于这个问题，我有一些话要说，尽管我在特定领域缺乏学位/职业，我还是无法克制地想要表达。
当人们以一种轻松、疏忽的方式提到自己患有这种或那种精神病时，这让我“发疯”——这是一个笑话的笑点。
“哦，贝基，我今天稀里糊涂！完全是双相情感障碍！”
“你应该听听我的ipod音乐列表，斯科特！我的音乐品味是如此的精神分裂症！”
“哦……天……啊，费利西蒂！你应该看到扎克今天在化学课上是多么的不专注！整个时间断都是一个完全的注意缺陷多动障碍综合症男孩！”
“我对我的M&M（巧克力豆）太着迷了，瑞秋！我完全必须按颜色来区分它们，每种颜色都要分开吃！”
“Sinister让我患上了PTSD，好几个星期了，加文！我完全无法去看续集！”
The Veronica's of the world make me so angry. Mental illness is not your punchline,nor is it your petty and normal weirdness and I despise that you take my time slot.
确切地说，什么时候开始流行将令人心碎、改变生活、破坏性、衰弱性和可怕的问题淡化？人们不再理解这些词的真正含义。
卡丽进入了精神病院，人们把我们其他人的系统搞得一团糟，占用了宝贵的时间来解决合理的问题。我等待维罗妮卡完成她想象中的障碍的预约，这样我就可以解决我处理视觉幻觉的能力，应对如此强烈的焦虑，以至于我大多数天都不得不跳下公交车，因为我真的无法呼吸，我要找到一种停止数麦片的方法。我试着用词来描述为什么我一直害怕，为什么我数着麦片粥，当我离开时，我带着一只经过训练的支持犬离开，它能应对我极端而危险的情绪波动和虚弱的恐慌。
世界上的维罗妮卡让我很生气。精神疾病不是你的笑料，也不是你的小而正常的古怪脾气，我鄙视你占用我的时间。
I’m not a therapist, but if I were it would be every time someone called someone else a “narcissist” or a “sociopath”.
“My daughter-in-law is a narcissist…“
“My ex is a narcissist…”
“My sister is a narcissist”
etc, etc, etc…
Nobody ever says, “I’m a narcissist”, but I guarantee your estranged daughter-in-law, your, ex, or some co-worker is saying that about you.
Just because you don’t get along with somebody, even if you have a lot of history of personality clashes and disagreements with them, does not make them a narcissist. Diagnosing a narcissist is a very difficult thing—and there really aren’t that many out there. There’s a lot of things that mimic narcissism but aren’t.
Addiction for example. Clean up the addict, and often you get a lovely person. That person was never a narcissist.
Mental illness. Emotional illness (for example, very insecure people with low self esteem). Immaturity, cultural differences, selfishness, people with really bad parenting skills, there’s a lot of things that look like they could be NPD, but aren’t.
But everyone is sure they are qualified to diagnose narcissism in people they don’t like.
我不是一个治疗师，但如果我是的话，我翻白眼的时候，大概就是每次听到有人称别人为“自恋者”或“反社会者”到时候。
“我媳妇是个自恋狂…”
“我的前任是个自恋狂…”
“我妹妹是个自恋狂”
等等等等…
没有人会说“我是个自恋狂”，但我保证你疏远的儿媳、你的前任或某个同事会这样说你。
仅仅因为你和某人相处不好，即使你和他们有很多性格冲突和分歧，这不会让他们成为自恋狂。诊断一个自恋者是一件非常困难的事情，而且这个世界真的没有那么多的自恋者。有很多行为和自恋者很像，但不是。
例如成瘾。把瘾君子清理干净，通常你会得到一个可爱的人。那个人从不自恋。
精神疾病。情绪疾病（例如，非常缺乏安全感、自尊心低下的人）。不成熟，文化差异，自私，父母教养能力很差的人，有很多事情让他们看起来像自恋的病态人格，但事实并非如此。
但这个世界上，好像每个人都非常确信自己有资格，诊断不喜欢的人患有自恋症。
Okay, internally I roll my eyes everytime a client says;
“ You're the expert, so you tell me..” instead of reflecting on things I ask. As if I know from every person what's really happening or as if people are so predictable that everytime I ask someone a question I should already have figured it out.
“ I know that the therapy/exercise you advice me will not work for me. “ Without even trying it. What's the point in therapy if you didn’t want to change anything and know that nothing will work?
“ I didn't do anything, because I've been too busy" with other words; it wasn't that important what we had agreed I would do. Without doing anything different, things will change magically.
“ I don't know? “ after almost every question I ask. Like ‘What do you want to adress today?’ ‘What do you think when X happens?’ or ‘What is it that you want to change?’
“ It is never my fault. He/she is to blame and I am the victim “. Most of the time those clients are not open to alternative ideas or their own responsibility. They want others to pity them and to find a associate.
好吧，每次客户说下面这些，我都会在内心里翻白眼：
“你是专家，所以你告诉我……”。而不是反思我问的问题。好像我从每个人那里都知道真正发生了什么，或者好像人们是可预测的，以至于每次我问别人一个问题时，我都应该已经弄清楚了所有问题。
“我知道你建议的治疗、锻炼对我来说不起作用”。甚至没有尝试。如果你不想改变任何事情，知道什么都不会起作用，那么治疗有什么意义？
换句话说，“我什么都没做，因为我太忙了”；我们说好的我会做什么并不重要。好像不做任何不同的事情，事情就会神奇地改变一样。
“我不知道？”我问的几乎每一个问题。比如“你今天想解决什么？”“当X发生时你怎么想？”或“你想改变什么？”
“这从来不是我的错。他/她应该受到责备，而我是受害者”。大多数时候，这些客户不愿意接受其他想法或自己的责任。他们希望别人同情他们，并找到一个一起谴责的人。
I think that a good therapist would NEVER roll their eyes, no matter what kind of idiocy their client is saying. Therapy should be a safe place for clients where they should be able to express themselves without the therapist judging, no matter how weird or annoying they are as a person, and therapist instead of judging, should help them to embrace their weirdness and help them grow as a person. There are therapist that work with criminal out there, but still, while they are doing their job, they should just make a diagnosis end/or analyse the case in a scientific detached way. Therapist like some of the therapist I have seen here, getting pissed off only because their clients are saying some kind of bullshit should definitely change their job. Your job is to UNDERSTAND people NOT JUDGE them!!! Learn it!! This is why is so difficult to find a good therapist nowadays. I know therapist are humans too, but when they work, they should learn to be detached and not judging clients. There are too many haters, frustrated people and judging bitches out there, we don’t need therapists to act like that as well. Please, consider what I am saying when working with your clients because they give you their money for your service and you should do a good job for them and respect them.
我认为一个好的治疗师永远不会翻白眼，不管他们的客户说了什么样愚蠢的话。治疗对患者来说应该是一个安全的地方，他们应该能够在没有治疗师评判的情况下表达自己，无论他们作为一个人有多么怪异或令人讨厌，治疗而不是评判，应该帮助他们拥抱自己的怪异，帮助他们成长为一个真正的人。有治疗师与罪犯一起工作，但在他们工作的同时，他们应该做出诊断，或者以科学的独立方式分析案件。像我在这里看到的一些治疗师一样，仅仅因为他们的客户说了某种废话，就会改变他们的工作方式而去生气。你的工作是理解人们，而不是去评判他们！！！学习这点！！这就是为什么现在很难找到一个好的治疗师。我知道治疗师也是人，但当他们工作时，他们应该学会超然，而不是去评判客户。外面有太多的仇恨者、沮丧的人和吹毛求疵的人，我们不需要治疗师也这么做。在和你的客户合作的时候，请考虑一下我所说的话，因为他们为你的服务付出了金钱，你应该为他们做好工作并尊重他们。
A responsible therapist would never roll their eyes in response to a client’s self-report, but my heart falls when I hear the following:
He was really sorry and promised me he’d never do it again.
He’s having a really stressful time right now so he gets angry.
I need to take the blame, I should have done X, Y or Z better.
He’s a good Dad, he’d never hurt the kids.
He’s never really hurt me, I fell when he accidentally pushed me. He didn’t mean to do it.
I’m sure it will get better when….
I just need to….
I’m sure other couples all have these problem too.
He doesn't need to come to therapy, he says its my problem.
一个负责任的治疗师永远不会对客户的自我报告翻白眼，但当我听到以下内容时，我的心会崩溃：
1、他真的很抱歉，他答应了我，他再也不会这样做了。
2、他现在压力很大，所以他很生气。
3、我需要承担责任，我应该做得更好。
4、他是个好爸爸，他从不伤害孩子。
5、他从来没有真正伤害过我，是我在他不小心推我的时候自己摔倒的。他不是故意这样做的。
6、我相信当……
7、我只需要……
8、我相信其他夫妻也有这样的问题。
9、他不需要来治疗，他说这是我的问题。