如何控制自己的愤怒的情绪？
How can I control my anger?
译文简介
网友：我是怎么做到的? 是的，这一切都是自然而然发生的。我生气是出于冲动。但它是如何自动恢复正常的呢?阿德勒心理学中的"目的论"说我们把愤怒当作工具。实现目标的工具。潜意识的目标是让对方服从你，听你说的任何话。你没有意识到，但是你想压制别人，这样你就可以坚持自己的观点.......
正文翻译
How can I control my anger?
如何控制自己的愤怒的情绪？
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There once lived a boy who had a bad temper. He would get angry at every little thing. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him, "Every time you get angry, hammer a nail into that front wall."
And so the activity started. On the first day, the boy hammered 50 nails. The next day, he hammered 40. Each time he used to go there, he repented being angry - it was quite a challenge to hammer a nail into that damn brick wall! Slowly, he discovered that controlling anger was easier than hammering, and the number of nails hammered started going down.
Eventually, a day came when he didn't get angry, and he felt the joy of it. Now his father gave him another task, "If you do not get angry the entire day, remove one nail from the wall." After several days, all the nails were removed.
Now his father took him near the wall and asked him what did he see. The boy replied that he can see holes in the wall. The father then explained to his son: "These holes are like the scars that you leave on people when you get angry. No matter how many times you say sorry, the scar does not go."
从前有一个男孩脾气很坏。他会为每一件小事生气。有一天，他的父亲给了他一袋钉子，告诉他：“每次你生气的时候，就在前面的墙上钉一颗钉子。”
于是活动开始了。第一天，男孩钉了50颗钉子。第二天，他钉了40颗。每次他去那里，他都后悔生气了——要把钉子钉进那该死的砖墙，真是个挑战！慢慢地，他发现控制愤怒比敲击更容易，于是敲击的钉子数量开始减少。
最终，有一天他没有生气，他感到了快乐。现在他的父亲又给了他一个任务：“如果你一整天都不生气，就把墙上的一颗钉子拔下来。”几天后，所有的钉子都拔了。
他父亲把他带到墙边，问他看见了什么。男孩回答说他能看到墙上的洞。父亲向儿子解释道：“这些洞就像你生气时留给别人的伤疤。无论你说多少次对不起，伤疤都不会消失。”
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Realize that words once spoken cannot come back. Your anger hurts others and leaves a sour impression that lasts forever.
Each time you get angry, "hammer a nail". Simplest thing you can do is to carry a pocket diary and put a line each time you get angry. Then at night, count the number of lines for that day. If you make this a habit, each time you would get angry, you would be reminded to note it down. Indirectly, you would also realize that you getting angry. And because you are conscious and aware at that time, you would find it easier to control your actions and subdue anger.
I hope the day comes soon when you don't have any line in your diary.
所以我建议你做两件事：
要知道，话说出口就回不来了。你的愤怒会伤害别人，并给人留下永久的坏印象。
每次你生气，“钉一颗钉子”。你们能做的最简单的事情就是随身携带一本袖珍日记，每次你们生气的时候写一行。然后在晚上，数一数当天的行数。如果你养成了这个习惯，每次你生气的时候，都会被提醒记下来。间接地，你也会意识到你在生气。因为那时你有意识，你会发现更容易控制自己的行为和抑制愤怒。
我希望你的日记里没有任何一行字的这一天很快就会到来。
How can I get rid of anger?
My husband and I were arguing over something.
None of us was ready to listen to the other, and very soon I got very irritated.
‘Why is he not agreeing to me?’
‘Why can’t he look at my point of view?’
Something that was bothering me more was the undisturbed way he was responding with a counterargument.
It didn’t feel good ‘not to respond’. My ego kept pushing me to give it back, and in no time I started shouting.
It continued for a while when a courier person knocked on the door.
I went out, smiled at him, took the package, said ‘Thank you’ in a lovely tone, and came inside ready to shout again.
Husband said, ‘How could you just change in seconds from being a lovely person to someone exactly opposite? Are you making this up?’
It made me introspect.
我怎样才能消除愤怒？
我丈夫和我在为一件事争吵。
我们谁也不愿意听对方说话，很快我就非常恼火。
“他为什么不同意我？”
“为什么他不能接受我的观点？”
更让我困扰的是他不受干扰的反驳方式。
“不回应”感觉不太好。我的自尊心不停地催促我反击，很快我就开始大喊大叫。
过了一会儿，一个快递员来敲门。
我走了出去，对他笑了笑，接过包裹，用可爱的语气说了声“谢谢”，然后走进屋里准备再次大喊。
丈夫说:“你怎么能在几秒钟内从一个可爱的人变成一个完全相反的人呢?”你是装的吗?”
这让我开始反省。
‘Teleology’, a term used in Adlerian psychology says that we use anger as a tool. A tool to achieve the goal.
And the subconscious goal is that the other person submits to you, and listens to whatever you say. You don’t realize but you want to overpower the other person so that you can assert your opinion.
So, how can you get rid of this?
By using this tool as little as we can.
No, we will not be submissive, we will still respond but the way my husband did.
Calm and assertive.
Backed up with logic and reasoning.
Sure, it might take some time to get rid of that impulsive behavior but aren’t we all on the path of self-improvement?
我是怎么做到的? 是的，这一切都是自然而然发生的。我生气是出于冲动。但它是如何自动恢复正常的呢?
阿德勒心理学中的"目的论"说我们把愤怒当作工具。实现目标的工具。
潜意识的目标是让对方服从你，听你说的任何话。你没有意识到，但是你想压制别人，这样你就可以坚持自己的观点。
那么，如何才能摆脱这种情况呢?
我们尽量少用这个工具。
不，我们不会屈服，我们仍然会像我丈夫那样回应。
冷静和自信。
有逻辑和推理支持。
当然，摆脱这种冲动行为可能需要一些时间，但我们不是都在自我提升的道路上吗?
As long as someone has the ability to make you angry, they control you.
I’m going to tell you exactly how to move forward when you carry anger…so here we go…
First, I just want to say that I’m not against anger…it can be entirely justified, and humans are meant to experience a range of emotions, including anger. When you *never* experience anger, that’s a problem too - so I want you to feel it. Even feel it strongly. That’s good for you.
The problem isn’t that you *experience* anger, the problem comes when you *carry* anger.
This is an important distinction to make.
Experiencing anger is natural…carrying anger can literally destroy your life.
Anger is rarely as simple as it seems, and takes many forms - like resentment or rage.
At its worst, anger that is carried around starts to bleed into two main areas:
Your Thinking - You become more cynical, mistrusting, skeptical, and wary.
Your Disposition - You become more guarded, less “light hearted,” fun, warm, and it changes how you relate to others.
This changes the nature of not just the relationships you have with the person you may be angry at…but it changes YOU. This is the toxin of anger.
只要有人能让你生气，他们就控制了你。
我将告诉你当你带着愤怒时如何前进，所以我们开始吧
首先，我只是想说，我并不反对愤怒，这是完全有道理的，人类注定要经历一系列情绪，包括愤怒。当你“从未”体验过愤怒时，这也是一个问题——所以我希望你能感受到它。甚至强烈地感觉到它。这对你有好处。
问题不在于你“体验”愤怒，而在于你“带着”愤怒。
这是一个重要的区别。
经历愤怒是很自然的，带着愤怒可以摧毁你的生活。
愤怒并不像它看起来那么简单，它有很多形式——比如怨恨或愤怒。
最糟糕的情况是，人们的愤怒开始渗透到两个主要方面:
你的想法——你变得更加愤世嫉俗、不信任、怀疑和警惕。
你的性格——你变得更加谨慎，不那么“轻松”，不那么有趣，不那么热情，这改变了你与他人的关系。
这不仅改变了你和那个让你生气的人之间关系的本质，也改变了你自己。这就是愤怒的毒素。
What serves *me* best? Anger comes from a lot of places - hurt, violation, betrayal, etc..but does it serve *you* to carry anger, to allow it to infect you or change you…or does it hurt you further? Give this some honest and obxtive thought.
Allow People to Own their Toxicity. That means that if they have done something to create this anger…allow it to live with *them,* not you. They hold the toxic qualities, not you. You responded to it, but you do not need to continue to carry it around…that is for them to do.
See it as a Boundary Issue. Know the difference between what other people should own, and what you have to take on. Draw the lines. Make it like a bubble around that person visually…they contain all of these things, not you. Limit your contact with the thing that contains this type of energy or stirs it in you.
There is a great saying that “you always want to slay the beast when it’s little” - and though I don’t advocate for killing anything, I would advocate for slaying the beast of anger very early on.
It’s okay to feel anger. It’s healthy to feel it. But it becomes something that will destroy you and your life if you don’t address it.
Consider the questions above, do some real reflections, and make the changes you need to make.
The past is done, the future is yet to be…so vow to create something amazing for yourself and allow the person who creates toxicity to stew in it alone.
You deserve better.
那么，如何控制它呢?(你问的问题)......不管你生气的起因和原因是什么，这里有一些建议你可以开始考虑:
什么最适合我？愤怒来自很多地方——伤害、侵犯、背叛等等。但它是否有助于你携带愤怒，让它感染你或改变你, 还是会进一步伤害你？ 请诚实客观地考虑一下。
允许人们拥有自己的毒性。这意味着，如果他们做了什么事导致了这种愤怒，那么就让它与他们一起生活，而不是你。有毒的是他们，不是你。你回应了它，但你不需要继续随身携带它，这是他们要做的。
把它看作一个边界问题。知道别人应该拥有什么和你必须承担什么之间的区别。划清界限。让这个人看起来像一个泡泡，他们包含所有这些东西，而不是你。限制你与包含这种能量的事物的接触或在你体内搅动它。
有句名言说得好:“你总是想在野兽小的时候杀死它“。虽然我不提倡杀死任何东西，但我会提倡在一开始就杀死愤怒的野兽。
感到愤怒是正常的。有这种感觉很健康, 但如果你不解决它，它就会毁了你和你的生活。
考虑上面的问题，做一些真正的反思，做出你需要的改变。
过去已经过去了，未来还未到来，所以发誓要为自己创造一些神奇的东西，让那些产生毒性的人独自沉浸其中。
你值得更好的。
Do mediation and think positive. It's make you cool. Don't try to control others. First control your mind if you can. Don't think about problems think about solutions. Because solutions only find the way to move forward. Because happiness always starts with you. Learn thoughts process. Find yourself. thank you
进行冥想并积极思考。这让你很酷。不要试图控制别人。如果可以的话，首先控制你的思想。不要思考问题，思考解决方案。因为解决方案能找到前进的道路。因为幸福总是从你开始。学习思考的过程。发现自己。谢谢！
In order to understand why we have sudden burst or anger, let us try to understand the mechanism of the working of Pressure Cooker, which is used in our homes for cooking foods.
The mechanism of the pressure cooker is very simple.
You provide heat to the cooker by putting on a burner.
You don’t allow the steam inside to be released by closing all the outlets.
The steam gets accumulated inside and builds pressure inside cooker.
When the steam pressure exceeds a particular level, the whistle is lifted releasing the trapped steam with a shrill sound.
In the same way, when you allow anger, hatred and frustration to be built up inside you, it increases tension inside and bursts out one day in the form or sudden and uncontrollable anger, which we often call losing the temper.
When you lose your temper, your rational mind goes for a toss.
为了理解为什么我们突然爆发或愤怒，让我们试着了解压力锅的工作机理，它在我们家里用来烹饪食物。
压力锅的原理很简单。
你把炉子放在炉子上给炉子加热。
关闭所有的出口就不能让里面的蒸汽释放出来。
蒸汽在锅内积聚，在锅内形成压力。
当蒸汽压力超过某一特定水平时，汽笛就会升起，发出尖锐的声音，释放出困住的蒸汽。
同样，当你让愤怒、仇恨和挫折在你的内心建立起来时，它会增加你内心的紧张感，并在某一天以突然的、无法控制的愤怒的形式爆发出来，我们通常称之为发脾气。
当你发脾气的时候，你的理智就会受到影响。
Anger is like a bomb that destroys the years of relationship within no time.
As soon as you come to your senses, you realize your mistake and understand the harm done by you in the fit of anger.
You apologize and try to limit the damage by all possible means, but often it is too late.
It is rightly said, ‘Prevention is better than cure.’
Prevent anger building inside and getting accumulated in you.
结果就是你在愤怒的时候说了那么多话，除了你的声誉之外，也给你的朋友和所爱的人造成了巨大的伤害。有时，你会非常生气，以至于要么毁了自己，要么毁了别人。
愤怒就像一颗炸弹，会在瞬间摧毁多年的关系。
一旦你回过神来，你就会意识到自己的错误，并明白自己在愤怒中所造成的伤害。
你道歉，并试图用一切可能的方法来减少损失，但往往为时已晚。
俗话说得好: 预防胜于治疗。
防止愤怒在你内心积聚。
We work too hard and take too little rest.
We expect too much from the self and others.
We follow high goals and ideals which are impossible to achieve.
We make too many relationships for selfish purposes.
We pretend to be too gentle to allow our anger to be released from time to time.
If you wish to conquer anger, learn to remove the factors that create negative emotions like hatred, jealousy, envy, frustration in you as much as possible.
Some amount of anger is unavoidable when we are living in the real world dealing with real people and real problems.
However, a little anger, like little heat can be used constructively.
We can use this energy to do our job with passion.
The danger is when this energy is excessive and uncontrolled.
Aristotle has said so wisely, “Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.”
Learn to manage your anger and you can manage all relationships, whether personal or professional.
我们在体内积聚压力，当：
我们工作太辛苦，休息太少。
我们对自己和他人期望过高。
我们追求不可能实现的崇高目标和理想。
我们为了自私的目的建立了太多的关系。
我们假装很温柔，不让我们的愤怒时不时地释放出来。
如果你想战胜愤怒，就要学会尽可能多地消除产生负面情绪的因素，如仇恨、嫉妒、嫉妒和挫折。
当我们生活在现实世界中，面对真实的人和真实的问题时，一定程度的愤怒是不可避免的。
然而，一点愤怒，就像一点热量，可以建设性地使用。
我们可以用这些能量来充满激情地工作。
危险在于这种能量过多且无法控制。
亚里士多德非常明智地说：“任何人都会生气，这没什么难的，但要能适时适所，以适当方式对适当的对象恰如其分地生气，这不是每个人都能做到的，也不容易。”
学会控制自己的愤怒，你就可以处理好所有的关系，无论是私人关系还是工作关系。
Anger is something that is very dangerous, therefore you need to control your anger. people who can’t control their anger are the most people who get themselves into bigger problems,
And this is the reason why if you go to our prisons, most of the people there in the prisons has regretted of being beast at that small possible time.
Self control is the key to dismiss anger. Those who can’t control themselves are easily to get problem and later cry out loudly for their punishment.
Any body can offend you, but you need to control yourself, or you should have a nice way to deal with them.
Africans have this nice proverb that says; the one you eat with is the one who takes your meat that means you can’t eat alone and still complain that someone has taking your meat.
Please exercise patience in everything that comes your way, for what ever we do weather good or bad,we shall have reword for it.
愤怒是非常危险的，因此你需要控制你的愤怒。无法控制自己愤怒的人是最容易陷入更大问题的人，
这就是为什么如果你去我们的监狱，监狱里的大多数人都后悔在这么短的时间里成为野兽。
自我控制是消除愤怒的关键。那些不能控制自己的人很容易出问题，然后大声要求惩罚他们自己。
任何人都可能冒犯你，但你需要控制自己，否则你应该有一个很好的方法来对付他们。
非洲人有一句很好的谚语说：和你一起吃饭的人是那个拿走你肉的人，这意味着你不能一个人吃，还抱怨有人拿走了你的肉。
请对你遇到的每件事都保持耐心，因为无论我们做了什么好事或坏事，我们都会得到回报。
There is a lot of advice out there for controlling anger that really didn’t work for me.
Trying to rationalize it - I shouldn’t be angry about this. FAIL
Trying to focus on other things - Ok I feel angry but let’s look at this nice tree over here so I can feel better. FAIL
Try to be grateful - I am grateful that I don’t live in a 3rd world country with cholera. FAIL
Try to think of a way to use that angry energy in a positive way - I could use this anger to find a solution to this problem instead of dwell in it. FAIL
Try to express myself to the person making me angry in healthy way - It’s called Non-violent communication. Hey, when you do X you really make me angry because I have a need to be X. FAIL
All these things I learned through qualified therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. People with a bunch of credentials and letters after their name. And these strategies were totally useless. Actually for me, they were harmful. I just found myself really angry that they didn’t work. And I just added more people to my list of people to be angry at … namely these idiots who gave me useless strategies and chewed up my time and money.
有很多控制愤怒的建议，但对我对我都不起作用。
试着让它合理化——我不应该对此生气。失败了
试着把注意力集中在其他事情上，好吧，我很生气，但让我们看看这棵漂亮的树，这样我会感觉更好。失败了
试着心存感激——我很感激我没有生活在霍乱肆虐的第三世界国家。失败了
试着想一种方法，以积极的方式利用愤怒的能量——我可以利用这种愤怒找到解决这个问题的方法，而不是沉湎于其中。失败了
试着用健康的方式向让我生气的人表达自己——这叫做非暴力交流。嘿，当你做某事的时候，你真的让我生气，因为我需要成为X。失败了
所有这些我都是从合格的治疗师、心理学家、精神病医生等那里学到的。他们的名字后面有一堆证书和信件。这些策略完全没有用。实际上对我来说，它们是有害的。我只是发现自己真的很生气，因为它们不起作用。我的愤怒名单上又多了一些人，也就是这些给了我无用策略、浪费我时间和金钱的白痴。
a) Beating the shit out of my pillow while imaging the person who pissed me off’s face on there.
Even if it was irrational. Even if that person was my mom. Even though only a total psychopath would be angry in that context. I didn’t care. If someone made me angry, I would find some quiet time and beat the shit out of them virtually. If I was at work I would go and throw punches in the stairwell or handicapped bathroom.
And after the anger dissipated, I felt a lot better and the anger at that person would be gone. I would often laugh at how silly my anger was. But I had to go through that anger and let myself be angry and let it out before I could find sanity.
b) Express my anger verbally in a safe space
I quickly discovered that the people who said that I could tell them “anything” were not safe people to express my anger with. Therapists, counselors, parents, friends … they were not comfortable at all with me being angry. They tried to take away my anger, to rationalize it, to tell me it was inappropriate for me to be angry. And there are somethings that if you say even with a psychologist that requires them to pick up the phone and call the police. Even if you are just blowing off steam and don’t mean it seriously. I quickly discovered that most of these “safe places” were anything but safe.
But I also found some men’s groups. Like for example healthyrage.com, that are safe. Everyone gets a few minutes to share whatever they want and there is no censorship. No one is allowed to comment on your share, that would be considered cross-talk and that is a big no-no and will get you kicked out of the group. So everyone just keeps the focus on themselves. And when it is my turn I just let it rip. I saw the most awful shit I can think of and let that anger out. And it feels amazing to just have other people support me by listening.
My life is infinitely better since I found these two ways of expressing anger. I am much more fun to around and I am able to better hold onto jobs and relationships. Maybe this will help someone who is failing like I did with “traditional” methods of “controlling” anger
那么什么起作用了？两件事：
a) 一边把枕头打得屁滚尿流，一边想象着那个惹我生气的人的脸在枕头上。
即使这是不合理的。即使那个人是我妈妈。即使只有完全的精神病患者才会在这种情况下愤怒。我不在乎。如果有人让我生气，我会找些安静的时间，把他们打得屁滚尿流。如果我在工作的话，我会去楼梯间或残疾人厕所挥拳。
当愤怒消散后，我感觉好多了，对那个人的愤怒也会消失。我经常嘲笑我的愤怒是多么愚蠢。但我必须经历那种愤怒，让自己愤怒，在我找到理智之前发泄出来。
b) 在一个安全的地方用语言表达我的愤怒
我很快发现，那些说我可以告诉他们“任何事情”的人，并不是我表达愤怒的安全对象。治疗师、咨询师、父母、朋友……他们对我的愤怒感到很不舒服。他们试图消除我的愤怒，给它找借口，告诉我生气是不合适的。有些事情即使你和心理学家说，也会让他们拿起电话报警。即使你只是在发泄，并不是认真的。我很快发现，这些“安全的地方”大多都不安全。
但我也发现了一些男性群体。比如healthyrage.com，那是安全的。每个人都有几分钟的时间来分享他们想要的任何东西，并且没有审查制度。没有人可以评论你的分享，那将被认为是单口相声，这是一个大禁忌，会把你踢出小组。所以每个人都把注意力放在自己身上。 轮到我的时候，我就尽情发泄。我看到了我能想到的最糟糕的事情，然后把愤怒发泄了出来。有其他人通过倾听来支持我，这种感觉很棒。
自从我找到了这两种表达愤怒的方式，我的生活变得无限美好。我周围的人更有趣，我能更好地保住工作和人际关系。也许这将帮助那些像我一样用“传统”方法控制愤怒失败的人。