QA问答：你克服自卑的故事是什么？
What is your story of overcoming low self esteem?
译文简介
答案可能会让你大吃一惊。我认为我30多岁时自尊心最低。我在做我不想做的工作，没有稳定的关系，住在一个单人房里，感觉生活永远不会对我好。当我决定我已经受够了的时候，变化就开始了。我为一份我想做的工作进行了再培训，找到了一个伴侣，她同时也是一个心理治疗师。和她一起买了一栋漂亮的房子，开始了新的生活。但是……但是……我的自尊心仍然很低，所以我学会了一个简单的技巧……
正文翻译
What is your story of overcoming low self esteem?
你克服自卑的故事是什么？
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This answer may surprise you.
I think my self-esteem was lowest when I was in my 30s. I was doing work I didn’t want to do, had no steady relationship, lived in a single room, and felt that life was never going to be kind to me.
The change started when I decided I’d had enough. I retrained for a job I wanted to do, found a partner who was also a therapist, bought a lovely house with her, and made a new life. BUT…
BUT… My self-esteem was still poor, and so I learned a simple trick…
I dumped the whole idea of self-esteem - it’s too changeable, too ego-based, and it tends to forsake you when you need it most. I didn’t want to value myself because I could do a particular thing, or I owned something, or I looked a certain way - or whatever. I wanted to value myself for no reason other than I was human.
答案可能会让你大吃一惊。
我认为我30多岁时自尊心最低。我在做我不想做的工作，没有稳定的关系，住在一个单人房里，感觉生活永远不会对我好。
当我决定我已经受够了的时候，变化就开始了。我为一份我想做的工作进行了再培训，找到了一个伴侣，她同时也是一个心理治疗师。和她一起买了一栋漂亮的房子，开始了新的生活。但是……
但是……我的自尊心仍然很低，所以我学会了一个简单的技巧……
我抛弃了自尊的整个概念——它太易变，太自我，当你最需要的时候，它往往会抛弃你。我不再想用别的来衡量我的自我价值，比如我可以做一些独特的事情，我拥有什么，我看起来怎么样，等等等等。我只用一件事来衡量我的价值：我是个人。
So whenever you have a few moments (including when you’re going off to sleep) just spend time treating yourself as you would someone you love. Talk to yourself in a kind, loving way and act towards yourself as you would a friend that you love. And when you get it wrong - and you’ll do that plenty of times! - then apologise as you would to a friend.
In time you will get to love yourself in the very best sense of the word.
Good luck!
所以，我努力成为自己最好的朋友。我认为，只要我一直表现得我很爱自己，对自己很友善，给自己支持和理解，那么即使刚开始我感觉自己不配拥有如此美妙的友谊，也许随着时间的推移，我会改变这种心态，我会觉得自己值得拥有它。
所以，每当你有几分钟空闲的时间（包括你睡觉前），花点时间好好对待自己，就像对待你爱的人一样。用一种友善、充满爱的方式和自己交谈，像对待你所爱的朋友一样对待自己。当你做不到的时候——很多时候你都会失败——像对朋友道歉一样对自己道歉。
总有一天，你会用最恰当的方式爱自己。
祝你好运！
After a lot of deep work on myself
I grew up with a lot of self-esteem issues.
My father, bless his soul, was a manic-depressive who would constantly berate my lack of enthusiasm for anything work-related or anything he viewed as worthwhile and fun.
On the flipside, my mother, who is the rock of the family, would do her best to build up my confidence, only for my dad to smash it to pieces whenever I failed to live up to his expectations.
在对自己进行了大量深入研究之后，
我发现我从小时候起就有很多自尊问题。
我的父亲，保佑他的灵魂，是一个躁狂抑郁症患者，他会不断因为那些他认为有价值和乐趣，而我觉得缺乏乐趣的工作而责怪我。
另一方面，我的母亲是家里的中坚力量，她会尽全力树立我的信心，但每当我辜负父亲的期望时，父亲就会把我的信心打得粉碎。
I never fit in with any group or clique in school and spent school holidays and weekends on my own most of the time because I felt different and took any type of criticism personally.
Although I managed to make some lasting friendships, I was never able to feel comfortable around other people and this lack of confidence stayed with me well into my adulthood.
后果就是社交焦虑和面对他人时的难为情。
我从不与学校里的任何团体或派系打交道，大部分时间都是自己度过学校假期和周末，因为我感觉不自在，觉得任何批评都是对的。
虽然我成功地建立了一些持久的友谊，但在别人身边我从来都感觉不舒服，这种缺乏自信一直伴随着我，直到我成年。
I`ve missed out on so many opportunities socially, financially, physically, and spiritually simply because I didn`t have the confidence to take the leap and get outside of my comfort zone.
One day, I`d had enough of this and decided to overcome my low self-esteem and become the type of person who can thrive in any situation.
Here`s how I did it:
很多年来，我都是和童年和青春期一样害怕、紧张和没有自信的人。
我错过了很多社交、财务、身体和精神上的机会，仅仅是因为我没有信心迈出这一步，走出我的舒适区。
有一天，我受够了这一切，决定克服自卑，成为那种在任何情况下都能茁壮成长的人。
我是这样做的：
One Christmas Eve I had had enough.
I was sitting at the counter of my local watering hole having another beer.
I was overweight, broke, unhappy, and lonely.
I am not sure what it was, but I had a Damascene moment there and then.
I immediately left the bar and decided to completely uproot my life and work on improving myself from top to bottom.
For the next six months, I quit drinking, partying, going out, eating junk food and had no social life whatsoever.
Every day I worked on my personal development and learning all I could about health, wealth, relationships, and success.
我花了6个月的时间锻炼自己。
一个圣诞节前夕，我感觉自己受够了。
我坐在当地酒吧的柜台旁，又喝了一杯啤酒。
我超重、破产、不快乐、孤独。
我不知道为什么，但就在那一刻，我决定转变。
我立刻离开了酒吧，决定彻底摆脱过去的生活，努力从头到尾的提高自己。
在接下来的六个月里，我戒了酒，戒了聚会，戒了旅游，戒了吃垃圾食品，没有任何社交生活。
每天我都致力于个人发展，尽我所能学习健康、财富、人际关系和成功。
I worked on improving my business daily and managed to reach my business goals, get more clients and significantly improve my income.
I completed two three-month workout programs, working out 5–6 days a week every morning from 6 am. I made tremendous progress in my strength and muscle gains and dropped around 15 pounds of body fat
I read some positive, uplifting personal development material every day along with the newspaperand some fiction at night to help me sleep.
That six-month period was probably the most productive, successful, healthy, and positive time of my life.
在那段时间里，我养成了一套很强大的晨练习惯，为每一天都提供了一个自信、有力的开始。
我每天都在努力改善我的业务，并设法实现了我的业务目标，获得了更多的客户，显著提高了我的收入。
我完成了两个为期三个月的锻炼计划，每周锻炼5-6天，从早上6点开始锻炼。我在力量和肌肉方面取得了巨大进步，减少了大约15磅的体脂。
我每天都会阅读一些积极的、令人振奋的个人发展材料，以及报纸和一些小说来帮助我入睡。
那六个月可能是我一生中最富有成效、最成功、最健康、最积极的时期。
I stopped blaming other people for my problems. I realized that, as cliché as this may sound, if I was going to have the kind of life I wanted, I had to make it happen myself.
It wasn’t easy and, to be honest, it’s something I still struggle with. Blaming others is so very tempting because I’m usually right. I’m surrounded by imperfect people who rarely do things as well as they should.
我不再为我的问题责备别人。尽管这听起来很老套，但我意识到，如果我要过我想要的生活，我必须自己去实现。
这并不容易，老实说，这是我仍在努力解决的问题。责备别人很诱人，因为这样做，我便一直是对的。我周围都是不完美的人，他们很少能把事情做完美。
Yes, try to surround yourself with high caliber people, but they will let you down, say something stupid, do a half-baked job, etc. Everyone makes mistakes.
You can influence people but you only have control over you. Make better decisions. Don’t procrastinate. Work towards a goal that you want to achieve.
Do that for a year and you’ll find that you struggle very, very little with self-esteem.
但一直如此，人生永远不会改变。
是的，尽量和高素质的人群在一起，但是，他们也会让你失望，会说一些蠢话，做一些计划不完善的工作，等等。每个人都会犯错。
你可以影响别人，但你只能控制自己。做出更好的决定。不要拖延。朝着你想要实现的目标努力。
如果你坚持一年，你会发现你不会再被自尊问题困扰。
Your self-esteem is driven by your self-image.
Change your self-image, and everything else falls into alignment.
Self-esteem
Self-confidence
Self-actualization
You may not even be aware of your self-image.
Take out a piece of paper and answer these questions.
Am I afraid to try something new?
Am I afraid of failure
Am I afraid to ask a question?
Am I afraid to express an opinion?
你的自尊是由你的自我印象驱动的。
改变你的自我印象，其他一切都会协调一致。
1、自尊
2、自信
3、自我实现
你甚至可能没有意识到自己的自我印象。
拿出一张纸，回答以下问题。
1、我害怕尝试新事物吗？
2、我害怕失败吗？
3、我害怕问问题吗？
4、我害怕表达意见吗？
If you like the answers - fine.
If you don’t like the answers, it’s time to re-tool your self-image.
The best resource I know is the methods in the classic book: Psych-Cybernetics.
It was written by a plastic surgeon that discovered changing someone’s physical appearance wasn't always effective.
They had a self-image that was rooted in the original appearance.
He shifted his practice to counseling and therapy in order to discover a way to perform surgery on their self-image.
The basis of his methodology was focused visualizations and he successfully taught thousands of patients his methods.
诚实回答。
如果你喜欢你的答案——这很好。
如果你不喜欢你的答案，是时候重新塑造你的自我印象了。
我所知道的最好的资源是经典著作《心理控制术》中的方法。
这是一位整形外科医生写的，他发现改变某人的外表并不总是有效的。
他们的自我印象植根于最初的外表。
为了找到一种对他们的自我印象进行手术的方法，他将自己的实践转向心理咨询和治疗。
他的方法论的基础是注意力集中可视化，他成功地教会了数千名患者他的方法。
They made this as real as possible by including all 5 sense in their visualization.
Over time, the visualizations started to become real.
The power of the mind is underrated - we just need to feed it the right information - not the negative self-talk that runs in a loop in our heads all day.
If you think this is similar to the experiments where basketball players practiced free-throws in their mind and showed real improvement - you are correct.
每天，患者会多次安静地坐着，以符合其期望的自我印象的方式对自己的行为进行可视化。
在可视化幻想中，通过五种感官，尽可能真实的实现这一点。
随着时间的推移，可视化开始成为现实。
头脑的力量被低估了——我们只需要给它提供正确的信息——而不是整天在我们脑海中循环的消极自我对话。
如果你认为这类似于篮球运动员在脑海中练习罚球并表现出真正进步的实验，那么你是对的。
I guess there is just one solution to get you out from it: Learning
Learn by exploring, travelling, reading, taking responsibilities and or pursuing a hobby or anything that would make you acceptable to yourself.
Once you accept yourself proudly, no one including yourself can ever make you feel insecure or low self esteemed again!
我想只有一个办法可以让你摆脱困境：学习
通过探索、旅行、阅读、承担责任和/或追求爱好，或任何能让你自己接受的事情来学习。
一旦你自豪的接纳了自己，包括你自己在内的任何人都不会再让你感到不安全或自卑！
Why should we have low self-esteem?
It is the default nature of the mind. We fail many times as we start out as a baby and grow into adulthood. Simple walking, we fail many times. All these failures result in physical and emotional pain. The brain registers those pain moment to remind of those failures to protect us from future failures/pain. Characteristic of self-talk having low self-esteem:
为什么我们会自卑？
这是心灵的默认本性。当我们从婴儿开始到成年时，我们会失败很多次。简单的走路，我们会失败很多次。所有这些失败都会导致身体和精神上的痛苦。大脑记录这些痛苦时刻，提醒那些失败，以保护我们免受未来的失败/痛苦。自卑的人会这样对自己说话：
· It is too hard for me.
· I don’t deserve it.
· I am a failure.
· I am not intelligent or smart enough.
· People don’t like me.
· I am not good at interaction or conversation.
· I have nothing to offer or talk in a conversation.
· I don’t fit in the group.
· I don’t belong here.
·我做不到。
·这对我来说太难了。
·我不配。
·我是个失败者。
·我不够聪明。
·人们不喜欢我。
·我不擅长互动或对话。
·和人聊天时，我没有什么可以提供或谈论的。
·我不适合这个群体。
·我不属于这里。
How do we overcome low self-esteem?
清单还在继续。任何对自己的负面言论都是因为自卑。自卑的优点之一是我们不必冒险去做新的或具有挑战性的任务。我们可以稳操胜券。
我们如何克服自卑？
Identify an area where you are passionate. Doing that work interests you. You love to do the work expecting no rewards because you enjoy doing it. You don’t need any self-talk to motivate you to do the task. Eg. Painting, dancing or photography or building a robot or math or science or literature or even nature walks or going to movies.
第1步：
确定一个你充满激情的领域。做那项让你感兴趣的工作。就算没有回报，你也喜欢做的工作，就因为你喜欢做。你不需要任何自我暗示来激励你完成任务。绘画、跳舞、摄影、造机器人、数学、科学、文学，甚至包括去大自然中散步或去看电影。
Be an expert in your area of interest. Gain knowledge every day.
Step 3: Join a club or meetup or group in your passionate field.
Step 4: Contribute or share knowledge or mentor someone in your area of interest.
第2步：
成为你感兴趣领域的专家。每天获取知识。
第3步：加入你激情领域的俱乐部、组织或团体。
第4步：贡献或分享知识，或指导你感兴趣领域内的其他人。
Step 6: Know your emotional baseline. Self-esteem and confidence are part of your emotional state. Take an EQ2.0 assessment. Spread Emotional Intelligence awareness.
第5步：这些人的好话、鼓励或喜欢会逐渐提高你的自尊心。一旦你了解了这项技术，你就可以将同样的原理应用到手头的任何任务中。
第6步：了解你的情绪底线。自尊和自信是你情绪状态的一部分。进行EQ2.0评估。传播情商意识。
Only those who love themselves, trust themselves, appreciate themselves will develop self value and self esteem. And that will make them able to love another person and being loved.
只有那些爱自己、信任自己、欣赏自己的人才能发展自我价值和自尊。这将使他们能够爱另一个人并被爱。
This may come across as really cliché: going to the gym. It’s like a catalyst for building discipline, in other area’s in life as well. It toughens you up. It helped me give some insight into what I’m worth.
But don’t go around thinking you’re suddenly everything. I made that mistake and got quite arrogant in the end. Have some humility along the road.
这可能会让人觉得很老套：去健身房。它就像是建立纪律的催化剂，在生活的其他领域也是如此。它使你坚强起来。它帮助我了解了自己的价值。
但不要以为你猛然间清楚了一切。我犯了那个错误，最后变得很傲慢。走在路上要谦逊一点。
I didn’t realize I had low self esteem. I was a golden child and recreated the golden child relationship over and over again in my life. I finally had a boss, who is still my boss, that called me out on it. I became the golden child at work, because that’s what I always do, but he would say things to me like “You aren’t realizing your full potential. Why can’t you see how valuable you are?” or “You have so much potential, but you need to believe in yourself.” and it confused the crap out of me. I knew I was valuable. I was performing at high levels.
我从来都没有意识到我是自卑的。我是一个天之骄子，我在我的生活中一次又一次的证明这一点。终于，我有了一个老板，他现在还是我的老板，他唤醒了我。
那时，我在工作中依然是出类拔萃的那个，但是，我的老板会对我说：“你没有充分发挥自己的潜力。为什么你看不出自己多么有价值？” ，或者说：“你有很大的潜力，但是你要相信你自己”。这把我搞糊涂了，我知道自己很有价值，我的表现很好。
The realization alone is the most important thing. I work on my self esteem by just realizing that accomplishing things is great, but I am already a worthy human being just because I am me. It takes a while to internalize it, but realization is the most important thing.
他到底是什么个意思？后来，我的私生活中发生了一些其他事情，我终于意思到他是对的。我试图通过表现出色来赢得自尊。我没有自我价值的核心信念。我认为我必须不断的赢得胜利，我不相信我有价值，除非我做到了一些了不起的事情，并得到其他人积极的反馈。如果我失败，我就会觉得自己一文不值。我是在用外在的成就来支持我自己内在的自我价值。
意识到自己的独一无二才是最重要的。我从前认为获得成就是伟大的，并以此来培养自尊，但是我不知道我已经是个有价值的人了，就因为我就是我。内化它需要一段时间，但是意识到这一点才是最重要的。
I set goals and worked to achieve them. I tried to be more disciplined. Compare myself to my recent past. Everyday I tried to be at least 0.01% better than I was yesterday. Realized that I can control my thoughts, and that my thoughts are the rudder that guide my life. Good Luck!
我设定目标并努力实现。我试着更守纪律。将我自己与我最近的过去进行比较。每天我都试图比昨天至少进步0.01%。意识到我可以控制我的思想，我的思想是指引我生活的舵。祝你好运！
When you have a low self esteem you need to focus on your strength, what do you like about yourself and what makes you who you are every one has something you need to find your own instead of focusing on what makes you less of who you're focus on the qualities you have in you,be gentle to yourself, most of the times we are more critical to ourselves than others do to us,it's all in you you can choose what you say to yourself and what you focus on, it starts and ends in your mind none else has more power on how you feel about yourself more than you do, develope that attitude.
当你自卑时，你需要专注于你的力量，你喜欢自己的什么，是什么让你成为你自己。每个人都需要找到自己，而不是去专注那些让你变得不像你自己的东西。专注于你身上的品质，对自己要温柔，大多数时候，我们对自己总是比对别人挑剔。这一切都在你身上，你可以选择对自己说什么，选择把注意力放在什么上面，它在你的脑海中开始和结束，没有人比你更能影响你对自己的感觉，培养这种倾向。
Are you worth being happy? Do you believe that you deserve great things in life?
How you feel about yourself is directly related to how you treat yourself. People do not realize that their self-worth is necessary to improve their life or not, it is a major factor. Many people want to be healthy, wealthy and happy, but do they believe they are really worth it!
If I do not give myself love, treasure, and importance, then it is not possible that I will devote time and energy to living a healthy and more positive lifestyle.
你有资格得到快乐吗？你相信你应该得到生活中的美好吗？
你对自己的感觉与你对待自己的方式直接相关。人们没有意识到自己的自我价值感是否是改善生活所必需的，这是一个主要因素。许多人想要健康、富有和幸福，但他们相信自己真的值得吗！
如果我不给自己爱、珍惜和重视，那么我就不可能把时间和精力花在健康和更积极的生活方式上。
1. Do not compare yourself with others
No more to measure self-esteem for others. Everyone is different and we are at different places in our development and development. This can be detrimental to our self-concept when we seek others who have everything that we do not, or when we compare ourselves with people with various creative gifts and talents. First and foremost, stop comparing yourself to others.
"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without it. "- Buddha
因此，照顾好你自己，真正尊重自己的潜力对我们的能力至关重要。这里有八种方法可以让你与自己建立一种充满爱和关怀的关系。如果你建立自尊，那么你很容易获得成功。自尊是你生活中非常重要的一部分。
1、不要与他人比较
不要再用他人来衡量自尊。每个人都是不同的，我们在不同的地方发展自己。当我们寻找那些拥有我们所没有的一切的人时，或者当我们将自己与具有各种创造性天赋和才能的人进行比较时，这可能会损害我们的自我认知。首先也是最重要的是，不要拿自己和别人比较。
“宁静来自内心，不要到外界寻求。”——佛陀
This step can be difficult. We are born in a world where we are taught to get approval and it is done which other people expect us to do. Learning to be true to yourself and not afraid to express your needs and desires, it is a powerful step toward self-love. If something is important to you, do not be afraid to ask for it, do not be afraid to tell others how you feel. you deserve to be happy.
2、不要担心不被别人认可
这一步可能很困难。我们出生在一个世界里，在这个世界上，我们被教导要获得认可，要去做那些别人希望我们做的事情。学会忠于自我，不要害怕表达自己的需求和欲望，这是迈向自爱的有力的一步。如果某事对你很重要，不要害怕去要求得到，不要害怕告诉别人你的感受。你值得得到快乐。
You are a valuable person because you are present. It does not matter what mistakes you made, where you are from, or what you do, you are still a worthy person. Use mistakes and past experiences in the form of teachers, not as a measure of their self-worth. Everyone should be treated with respect and respect……
3、确定你作为一个人的内在自我价值
你是一个有价值的人，仅仅因为你的存在。不管你犯了什么错误，你来自哪里，或者你做了什么，你仍然是一个有价值的人。用教师的身份使用错误和过去的经验，不要用他们来衡量你的自我价值。每个人都应该受到尊重……
When I made up my mind to overcome it and took action, the journey started there. I practiced on my skills to maintain my self confidence. I maintained positivity and became part of clubs and took part in extra curriculars. Slowly, without even my realizing it, my low self esteem is disappearing.
当我下定决心克服它并采取行动时，旅程就从那里开始了。我练习我的技能以保持自信。我保持了积极性，加入了俱乐部，参加了课外活动。慢慢地，甚至我都没有意识到，我的低自尊正在消失。