你曾获得的最棒的情感建议是什么？（一）

What was the best relationship advice you ever got?（1）

2022-07-06 Vnn 6159 10 2 收藏纠错&举报

译文简介

感情不易，且行且珍惜。

正文翻译

Paul Langness
My father gave me this advice shortly after I got married to the love of my life. He knew a thing or three about lifelong love: when my mother passed away, they had just celebrated their 63rd anniversary.

我和我一生的挚爱结婚后不久，父亲给了我这个建议。他对爱情终身保鲜略知一二：我母亲去世时，他们刚刚庆祝了63周年纪念日。

I was working long hours and feeling put-upon when I would come home to my wife needing help with the housework and the baby. She didn't come right out and accuse me of slacking, but I felt the suspicions. I just wanted a 50-50 split, thinking, in my naivete that would be an egalitarian solution.

当我回到家，妻子需要我帮忙做家务和照顾孩子时，我感到很压抑，因为我已经工作了很长时间。她没有直截了当地指责我偷懒，但我感到了怀疑。我只是想每人干一半的活儿，自己还天真地认为这将是一个平等的解决方案。

He nodded and in his own no-nonsense way, gave me the sagest piece of life's wisdom. There is no such thing as a 50-50 split. Things will always be unequal between partners. Some days you will be called on to give more because your wife needs more help, but the scales always tip back and next week you may need her support. At times, you may be called on to give 100%, or you may need her complete support because you have nothing left to give.

我爸爸点了点头，用他那一本正经的方式，给了我生命中最智慧的部分。就不存在50对50的分配方式。伴侣之间的付出总是不平等的。有些日子你会被要求付出更多，因为你的妻子需要更多的帮助；但天平总会倾斜，下周你可能就需要她的支持了。有时，你可能会被要求100% 的付出，或者也可能需要她的全力支持，因为你已经没有什么可以付出了。

Here's the important part: if you are not willing to accept this temporarily unequal state of affairs, then you shouldn't be married. If you don't love your wife enough to put her happiness and wellbeing above your own, then you don't deserve it when she does that for you.

重要的是：如果你不愿意接受这种暂时的不平等状态，那么你就不应该结婚。如果你不爱你的妻子，不把她的快乐和幸福放在你自己之上，那么当她为你付出的时候，你就不配得到。

My Dad's been gone for seven years now, but by following his advice, my wife and I have been married for 44 years. We have 3 sons and 3 grandchildren. As we've aged, my Dad's advice has been even more pertinent. In the past year we each had to undergo heart surgery. I had a quadruple bypass, necessitating a lengthy stay in bed. My wife was a trooper! She did everything for me until I could get up and move around on my own. Then, 7 months later, she had a pacemaker implanted and I got to return the favor.

我父亲已经去世七年了，但按照他的建议，我和妻子已经结婚44年了。我们有三个儿子和三个孙子。随着年龄的增长，我父亲的建议显得更为中肯。在过去的一年里，我和我妻子都不得不接受心脏手术。我做了四重心脏搭桥手术，不得不在床上躺很长时间。我妻子是一名士兵！她为我付出了全部身心，直到我能自己站起来走动。然后，7个月后，她植入了一个起搏器，而我又为她做了很多。

And that's what a marriage should be. Thanks, Pop.

而这才是婚姻该有的样子。谢谢你，爸爸。

评论翻译

Brian Smith
My father told me this while I was bawling over my fiancée, who I just found out was cheating on me.

我的父亲告诉我，当他走到我躲在他家后面的时候，我正在为我的未婚妻大喊大叫，我刚刚发现她欺骗了我。

“I know right now you’re feeling desperate, angry, hurt and alone. And the first thing you want to do is get revenge, sleep with other people and hurt someone too. That’s normal. But you shouldn’t do that. Don’t be like her. Don’t go down that path. You should always fall back on your best character. Be the bigger person now, and you’ve already won. Feel the pain for now. In a month you’ll see what I mean. And so will she. So take your time. Be a good man. You’ll find someone who actually cares about you. Maybe you’ll be alone, and that’s okay too. But you still have your life and your character and you can’t throw that away because of someone else who doesn’t have any.”

“我知道你现在感到绝望、愤怒、受伤和孤独。你想做的第一件事就是报仇，和别人睡觉，也伤害别人。这很正常。但你不应该这样做。不要像她那样。不要走那条路。你应该始终保持你最好的性格。现在做一个格局更大的人，你就已经赢了。感受一下现在的痛苦。一个月后你会明白我的意思的。她也会。所以慢慢来。做一个好人。你会找到真正关心你的人。也许你会一个人，但这也没关系。因为你仍然有你的生活和你的性格，你不能因为其他人没有这些东西而抛弃自身的品质。”

I’ve thought about that every single day for a year now, and it has propelled me to such strength, confidence, love and happiness.

一年来，我每天都在想这件事，它让我变得如此坚强、自信、爱和幸福。

Zeeshan Mushtaq
A big, big thank you to my ex for showering me with these beautiful pieces of advice.

非常非常感谢我的前任给我这些美丽的建议。

1. Never date someone you’re not attracted to. If you’re confused, it’s a NO.

1.永远不要和你不喜欢的人约会。如果不确定喜不喜欢，那答案就是NO。

2. Never date someone who has recently come out of a break-up. He/She might be on a rebound. In fact, in most of the cases, they are.

2.永远不要和刚分手的人约会。他/她可能准备复合。事实上，在大多数情况下，他们是这样的。

3. Never date someone who’s not emotionally strong as you. You’ll be the one to suffer.

3. 永远不要和情绪不如你的人约会。你将成为受苦的人。

4. Don’t rush things. Rushing things will only lead to more complications. Start slow. Discover each other.

4. 不要急于求成。匆忙只会导致更多的并发症。开始要慢。互相发现彼此（的特质）。

5. If your partner has lied to you on small things, he/she is capable of lying to you on more big things as well. Immediately leave them.

5. 如果你的伴侣在小事上对你撒谎，他/她也有能力在更大的事情上对你撒谎。立即离开他们。

6. Lack of communication destroys a relationship. Always communicate about your problems with your partner. Try to sort them out.

6. 缺乏沟通会破坏一段关系。始终与你的伴侣交流你们的问题。试着理清头绪。

7. And lastly, don’t confuse lust with love. Masturbate twice before making any commitment.

7. 最后，不要把欲望和爱混为一谈。在做出任何承诺之前先好好“安慰自己”两次。

Michael Carling
The best advice I ever got was from my grandfather. I was 27 and bought a home on my own and was pretty serious with this girl I was dating. She then ended up moving in with me after some discussions. I would say at about 6 months in and she started flip flopping and leaving me on and off (breaking up). I wish I could explain to you the readers of what feelings I was going through during this, how I felt, I never ever experienced anything like it. It was not only heartbreaking, but worse then that, a constant fear of losing someone, and instability, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

我得到的最好的建议来自我的祖父。我 27 岁，自己买了一套房子，对我约会的这个女孩非常认真。经过一番讨论，她最终和我一起搬进来了。我想应该在大约 6 个月的时候，她开始摇摆不定是否要离开我（分手）。我真希望我能向你们解释我在此期间经历的感受，怎么说呢，我从未经历过这样的事情。这不仅令人心碎，而且更糟糕的是，对失去某人感到持续的恐惧和不稳定，我不希望任何人会发生这种情况。

One day distraught, I went to visit my grandparents and was venting to my grandfather. Instead of sympathy for my situation I instead got some cold hard truths . This is what he told me:

一天我感到心烦意乱，就去拜访我的祖父母，并向我的祖父诉苦。他并没有同情我的处境，而是给出了一些冷酷的事实。这是他告诉我的：

“If they are leaving you now, they’re only getting practice to leave you later on.”

“如果他们现在要离开你，（即使没有当下离开），他们也在为以后离开你而练习。”

This is truest shit I’ve ever lived. This rings true not only with romantic relationships but friendships also. When my grandfather told me this , it was like laser beam hit me directly in the brain. I quickly changed all of my locks, and went no contact, and never looked back. To this day I still hear from her from time to time, but those days are far long behind me. This advice isn’t just limited to my sex, but would adhere to all sexes and relationships. I’m sharing these words of wisdom.

这是我活这么大听过的的最真实的残酷真相了。这不仅适用于爱情，也适用于友谊。当我的祖父告诉我这件事时，就像激光束直接击中了我的大脑。我迅速换掉了所有的锁，不再联系，再也没有回头。时至今日，我仍不时地收到她的来信，但那些爱的日子已经早已过去了。这个建议不仅限于单一性别，这会适用于所有的性别和一切关系。而我正在分享这些智慧之言。

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