异地恋能有多美好?
How lovely can be a long distance relationship?
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网友：如果她告诉我，在远距离恋爱中，距离对她来说太难了，这是意味着她不再爱我了，还是真的是因为异地恋的原因？这意味着她要取消约会，不想直截了当，不想事后为此感到难过，也不想因为宣布分手而感到内疚。如果两个人在一段充满爱、信任、关心、分享的关系中，而且双方都想参与其中......
正文翻译
How lovely can be a long distance relationship?
异地恋能有多美好?
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If she told me the distance is too hard for her in a long distance relationship does it mean she doesnt love me anymore or is it really the distance?
It means she is calling it off, and doesn't want to be direct, feel bad about it later, or carry the guilt of announcing the break up.
If there are two people in a loving, trusting, caring, sharing relationship, and both care to be in it, if any one has a problem, I would love to think the words will express something along the lines of, "Baby, I hate being so far away from you. I am missing you awfully. Come see me, please!", and both would rush to be in each other's arms. That's love.
If it is a constipated, "This is really hard for me, you know?", it is really saying, "This is inconvenient, and I'd rather let this go and open the door to new possibilities. But you're in the way, and I don't have the courage to call it off, because I know karma is a bitch.
It appears not all of us recognize when a relationship has run its course, distance or no distance. Doesn't mean you can't retrieve, but it takes two who want to run into each other's arms no matter what else. Not two who want to be polite or ask others for advice based on mere symptoms and third party analysis.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If love is strong and true and top priority for both that is. But then that kind of love isn't for everyone either.
如果她告诉我，在远距离恋爱中，距离对她来说太难了，这是意味着她不再爱我了，还是真的是因为异地恋的原因？
这意味着她要取消约会，不想直截了当，不想事后为此感到难过，也不想因为宣布分手而感到内疚。
如果两个人在一段充满爱、信任、关心、分享的关系中，而且双方都想参与其中，如果有任何人有问题，我希望这些话能表达这样的意思:“宝贝，我讨厌离你这么远。我非常想念你。请过来看我吧!”于是两人都奔向对方的怀抱—这是爱。
如果它是一个呆滞的状态，“这对我来说真的很难，你知道吗?”它实际上是在说，“这太不方便了，我宁愿让它过去，打开新的可能性的大门。”但你挡了我的路，我没有勇气放弃，因为我知道因果报应很糟糕。
似乎并不是所有人都认识到一段关系已经走到了尽头，不管是不是异地恋。这并不意味着你无法挽回，但这需要两个无论发生什么都想投入到对方怀里的人。不是两个仅仅基于症状和第三方分析而想要礼貌的寻求他人建议的人。
距离使两颗心靠得更近。如果爱是强烈的，真实的，对双方来说都是最重要的。但这种爱也不适合所有人。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Farah Safira，在印度尼西亚大学学习心理学(2019)
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
The unsubstantiated suspicion on your partner
Draw conclusions without at least trying to find out in advance about the actual situation or your partner’s point of view
Not trusting your partner. That they love you, therefore, they wouldn’t do things that would upset you. OR saying you trust them in their face but doesn’t mean it
Listening to anyone commenting and judging on your relationship instead of having faith on you, your partner, and the relationship
Expect your partner to sacrifice things for you and the relationship meanwhile you refuse to sacrifice yourselves for them and the relationship
More judging than listening
Not respecting your partner’s needs for self-care thus forcing and pushing them to fulfill the needs of the relationship first if not every single time
The long-distance relationship itself isn’t unhealthy. What makes it become unhealthy is how wrongfully you treat yourself, your partner, and both of you within the relationship.
什么是不健康的：
对你伴侣未经证实的怀疑
在不尝试事先了解实际情况或伴侣观点的情况下得出结论
不信任你的伴侣。因为他们爱你，所以他们不会做让你难过的事。或者在他们面前说你信任他们，但不是真心的。
倾听他人对你们关系的评论和评判，而不是对你、你的伴侣和你们的关系有信心。
期待你的伴侣为你和这段关系牺牲一些东西，同时你拒绝为他们和这段关系牺牲自己。
判断多于倾听。
不尊重伴侣对自我照顾的需求，从而迫使和推动他们首先满足关系的需求，如果不是每次都是这样的话。
异地恋本身并不是不健康的。让它变得不健康的是你在关系中对自己、伴侣以及双方的不当对待。
I’m in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in America and I live in Japan. He goes to school to be a doctor and he’s been really busy with school and work and he doesn’t have time to talk to me. What can we do to make things work out?
if you really want things to work out, one of you will have to make a big sacrifice and move to be closer to the other one. Otherwise, how long do you plan to continue this? How soon before one of you meets someone who lives a lot closer and decides its better to be with someone they see all the time than someone they rarely see?
我住在日本，和一个住在美国的男人发生异地恋。他上学是为了当医生，他一直忙于学习和工作，没有时间和我说话。我们能做些什么来解决问题？
如果你真的想让事情顺利进行，你们中的一方将不得不做出巨大的牺牲，并向另一方靠近。否则，你打算持续多久？要多久你们中的一个人会遇到一个住得很近的人，并认为和一个经常见面的人在一起比和一个很少见面的人在一起更好?
Rinku Gala, 13年的营销传播经验
我已经在一年多的时间里处于异地恋了，这很艰难，但并非不可能。如果爱的两端都很强烈，异地恋就会有结果。另外，在你们的关系中，你最想要什么。如果是身体上的接触，它肯定会破裂，如果你们一起努力建设一个未来，那么它可能会有结果—只要你们相互承诺，共享同一个目标。如果你做不到，请尽早放弃，以节省你和他/她的时间和精力。
I think that the distance between two people sometimes gives more time to relax, to be themselves, and get to know each other with time between visits to digest what they learn and begin to feel for each other; Without the great expectations to quickly make a decision to commit. When they travel to see each other they know their time is limited so they cherish what they have together as a special treat.
我认为，两个人之间的距离有时会给他们更多的时间去放松，做自己，在两次探访之间花时间去了解对方，消化他们了解到的东西，并开始感受对方；不用快速做出承诺决定和抱有巨大期望。当他们旅行去看对方时，他们知道自己的时间有限，所以他们珍惜在一起时的特殊待遇。
普里蒂·罗伊，加尔各答大学学士
When I informed my friends about him they said that this relationship won't work but still it's working. He is caring and loving . Physically we are not together but emotionally we are together . He is mature and I am immature .
I am sick he is there for me . He is the first person after my mom asking about my health . He motivates me for everything's . He scold me .Yeah I wait for his phone calls mostly . He is my bestfriend I can share anything with him. He fights with me but end up hugging me . He never ask me about my male friends . My exam he is ready to sacrifice his sleep . He stay busy but never forget to ping me asking about my study .
当然，每段关系都需要努力、花时间、沟通和爱。如果你们相爱，距离并不重要。我就在异地恋，相信我，我们就像普通夫妻一样。我们彼此思念，却无法相见。我们想拥抱对方，但我们不能。
当我把他的事告诉我的朋友们时，他们说这段关系没有结果，但仍然有效，他充满关怀和爱心。身体上我们没有在一起，但情感上我们在一起。他成熟而我不成熟。
我病了，他在我身边。他是继我妈妈之后第一个问我健康问题的人。他激励我做任何事。他骂我。是的，我大部分时间都在等他的电话。他是我最好的朋友，我可以和他分享任何东西。他和我打架，但最后还是拥抱了我。他从不问我关于男性朋友的事。我的考试他牺牲睡眠给我做准备。他总是很忙，但从不忘记打电话给我询问我的学习情况。
A long-distance relationship can be a bright spot in our day .. especially if we don’t have much of a life or are not interested in much. It can also give us a dream of a better-future to hang onto. LDRS can be positive during a pandemic lock-down, when we CANNOT get out and live a full life, and when we have NO idea what tomorrow will hold.
But for normal living conditions, they are not very advisable.
First of all, they are not actual relationships. Since 90% of what we grasp about and share between us and another comes NOT from the VERBAL content, but from the NON-VERBAL cues .. you can only relate 10% to someone you are not with in-person. LDR’s DO create a sense of “pseudo-understanding” that can be very appealing, that we WANT to believe in .. but it is not about reality.
So most of long-distance ‘relationships’ are little more than a shared fantasy. We don’t even know for SURE if the person’s situation is what they claim it is .. let along having the opportunity to learn WHO they are BY observing them in person, as they relate to others, make decisions, and react to annoyances.
异地恋可能是我们生活中的亮点。特别是当我们对生活不感兴趣或者对生活不感兴趣的时候。它也能给我们一个更美好未来的梦想。在大流行封锁期间，当我们无法出去过充实的生活，当我们不知道明天会发生什么时，异地恋的人可以是给与信息的。
但在正常的生活条件下，它们是不可取的。
首先，它们不是真正的关系。因为我们所掌握和分享的90%都不是来自语言内容，而是来自非语言线索。你和没有和你在一起的人只能有10%的关系。异地恋确实创造了一种“伪理解”的感觉，这种感觉非常有吸引力，我们想要相信，但这与现实无关。
因此，大多数远距离“关系”只不过是一种共同的幻想。我们甚至不确定此人的情况是否与他们声称的一样。让我们有机会亲自观察他们，当他们与他人相处，做出决定，对烦恼做出反应时来了解他们是谁。
The more attached we become to the fantasy, the more we hate our REAL life and the more unhappy we become.
Since there is only 10% communication, most of what we think is going on is our own wishful thinking superimposed over reality.
Misunderstandings are difficult to fix, since there are none of the non-verbal cues to create a sense of reassurance.
And if we DO get together with them, our fantasy about them will carry us along for a while .. but as that starts to disintegrate, MOST LDR’S become very difficult and painful and end badly. Because the fantasy we have become so attached to cannot live up to the reality of who the other person actually IS.
Finally, many men are motivated to seek a relationship for the physical contact. They cannot get that from an LDR, and sooner or later some lady WHERE they live catches their eye and they drop the LDR.
异地恋的缺点是：
我们越是痴迷于幻想，就越讨厌现实生活，也就越不快乐。
由于只有10%的交流，我们认为正在发生的大部分是我们自己叠加在现实之上的一厢情愿的想法。
误解很难消除，因为没有任何非语言的线索来产生一种安慰的感觉。
如果我们真的和他们在一起，我们对他们的幻想会带我们走一段时间。但随着这一点开始瓦解，大多数异地恋变得非常困难和痛苦，结局很糟糕。因为我们过于依赖的幻想无法与另一个人的真实身份相匹配。
最后，许多男人寻求一段关系的动机是身体接触。他们无法从异地恋中获得这一点，迟早，居住在他们附近的某位女士会引起他们的注意，并放弃异地恋。
Why is the long-distance relationship too difficult to handle?
Cause you can’t see that person physically in front you. You start missing the presence of that person.
Things like the way that person made you smile, sometimes cry, when you got really pissed, if you visit a place the two of you frequented you become nostalgic.
And it becomes even more difficult when you aren't going through the best of times and the person you rely on isn't next to you.
They are difficult to be in but not impossible ! All you need is a faithful and loving heart :)
That's why long distance relationships are hard.
为什么异地恋太难处理？
因为你看不到你面前的那个人。你开始想念那个人。
比如那个人让你微笑，有时让你哭泣，当你真的生气时，如果你去一个你们经常去的地方，你会变得怀旧。
当你没有度过最好的时光，而你所依赖的人又不在你身边时，这会变得更加困难。
他们很难有结果，但并非不可能！你所需要的只是一颗忠诚而充满爱的心。
这就是为什么异地恋很难。
What are the ways in which you can make your boyfriend feel loved and special in a long distance relationship?
A2a.
There are so many ways, you can make him feel special.
I’ll share what I did.
I took craft papers and wrote up all happy moment we shared together, though I’m not a good writer. It took much time and effort to recollect all sweet memories and put down on craft paper. It was around 50 pages, I bond them with gift wrapper flower and sent to her.
If you are not kind of creative person, you can send him gift and cake. You can take help of his colleague or roommate to surprise him on birthday.
在异地恋中，你可以通过哪些方式让你的男朋友感到被爱和被格外看重？
有很多方法，你可以让他感觉被格外看重。
我会分享我所做的。
虽然我不是一个好作家，但我拿着手工艺纸，把我们一起分享的快乐时刻都写了下来。回忆起所有美好的回忆，并把它们写在手纸上，花了很多时间和精力。大约有50页，我用礼物包装纸把它们粘在一起，然后寄给她。
如果你不是一个有创造力的人，你可以送他礼物和蛋糕。你可以在他的同事或室友的帮助下给他一个生日惊喜。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
It sucks!
I tell you from my personal experience.
Initially, it feels good to text or talks to her, but as the time passes you will get bored to talk about the same stuff.
You will start avoiding her calls or texts and You will take her for granted.
You never know with whom she is being dated.
Sexting and nude video call will too get bored day by day because it will become routine.
Everything will be through call or text. Right from romance to fight.
Lots of trust issues will be developed.
You will never know with whom she is texting till midnight.
No touch, No kissing, No hug and No bonding!
糟透了！
我根据我的个人经验告诉你。
起初，给她发短信或聊天感觉很好，但是随着时间的流逝，你会对谈论同样的事情感到厌烦。
你会开始不接她的电话或发短信，你会认为这是理所当然的。
你永远不知道她在和谁约会。
发色情短信和裸体视频电话也会变得越来越无聊，因为这将成为例行公事。
一切都将通过电话或短信进行，从浪漫到争吵。
大量的信任问题将会产生。
你永远不会知道她在和谁发短信，直到午夜。
没有接触，没有亲吻，没有拥抱，没有感情！
You stay in Bangalore and she in Chennai, the same routine old story.
“Good morning or good night text.”
“Hmmm”
“You say something, I don't have anything new to say.”
“Had your dinner?”
Life becomes routine and it starts stinking. You should kiss, hug and go on roaming the city every weekend. Explore new cities and places together. Go on the trip frequently. The more you understand, the more comfortable your life will be.
Say no to a long-distance relationship. It never works out. There should be something exciting in life. To live, to love and to laugh.
Keep your life exciting.
(Your little appreciation and honest feedback make me write even more. A person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected.)
见面越多，一起探索的地方就越多。你可以为每一个记忆感到高兴。
你待在班加罗尔，她待在金奈，还是老故事。
“早安或晚安短信。”
“嗯”
“你说点什么，我就没什么可说的了。”
“吃过饭了吗？”
生活变成了例行公事，开始变得臭烘烘。每个周末你们都应该亲吻、拥抱并在城市里漫步。一起探索新的城市和地方。经常去旅行。你理解得越多，你的生活就会越舒适。
对异地恋说不，它永远不会有结果。生活中应该有令人兴奋的事情。去生活，去爱，去笑。
让你的生活充满激情。
你小小的感激和真诚的反馈让我写得更多。被欣赏的人总是做得比预期的多。
Sushant Goyal，德里大学医学院工商管理硕士(2024年)
He: What??! I am coming to meet you.
She: No you have such an important exam next week. Just study and come after that.
He: Hm I know…or maybe I don't know, please just take care of yourself.??
Next morning,
He: Hey! I am in the hospital waiting area. Just tell me you are in which room.
她：在接下来的几天里，我可能无法经常沟通，今天出了点小事故，住进了医院。
他：怎么了！我来见你。
她：不，你下周有非常重要的考试，好好学习，然后再来。
他：嗯，我知道，或者也许我不知道，请照顾好你自己。
第二天早上，
他：嘿！我在医院候诊区。告诉我你在哪个房间。
He: You know it has been too long since we met. I just wish that we could meet once.
She: We will soon I promise. Now it's already 2 a.m., just sleep otherwise you won't be able to wake up in the morning.
He: I don't know when that 'soon' will actually come. Goodnight!
Next morning his phone rang at 6 a.m.,
She: Sorry to disturb your sleep but I will be at Rajiv chowk metro station in an hour. I know this looks stupid but I just wanted to keep it as a surprise. Can you come fast? Please…
Things might look tough but all this touch of care and loyalty makes it worth living. The right person will always make it more blissful for you be it any kind of relationship.
P.S. - It's not a fairytale, just a glimpse of some beautiful moments from my past relationship.
另一起事件：
他：你知道我们已经很久没见面了。我只希望我们能再见面一次。
她：我们很快就会见的，我保证。现在已经凌晨2点了，睡觉吧，你早上就醒不过来了。
他：我不知道“很快”什么时候会到来，晚安！
第二天早上6点他的电话响了。
她：很抱歉打扰你睡觉，但我一小时后就会到拉吉夫地铁站。我知道这看起来很蠢但我只是想给你个惊喜，你能快点来吗?
事情可能看起来很艰难，但所有这些关心和忠诚让生活变得值得，无论是哪种关系，合适的人总会让你更幸福。
附言：这不是童话故事，只是我过去恋情中一些美好瞬间的一瞥。
Ankita Srivastava，临床营养师学生(2019年至今)
What time will I hear from him again ? Is he asleep ?
Did he eat ? What did he eat ? Etc etc.
I can feel the blood rushing all over my body and head in this very moment writing this answer for you. It just brings back memories I don’t want to remember.
I don’t want anyone to feel like I am against long distance relationships or I don’t believe that they work. To me love always wins and distance means nothing.
But, it takes twice the effort. Him and I both should be willing to equally sacrifice and compromise.
On some days, when you’re down I will pick you up and on other days you do it for me.
But if I am the one who is constantly giving out a hand for help and not getting any when I need one makes me feel like shit.
一开始，我只是看我的钟，我不停地在脑海里计算英国的时间。
我什么时候能再收到他的信？他睡着了吗？
他吃了吗？他吃了什么？等等。
在为你写这封回信的这一刻，我能感觉到血液在我的全身和头上奔涌。只会勾起我不想记起的回忆。
我不想让任何人觉得我反对异地恋，或者我不相信这种关系有结果。对我来说，爱能战胜一切，距离毫无意义。
但是，这需要两倍的努力，他和我都应该愿意做出同样的牺牲和妥协。
有时候，当你失意时，我会扶你起来;有些日子，你会为我扶起。
但是，如果我是一个不断伸出援手的人，而在我需要帮助的时候却没有得到任何帮助，那我会觉得很糟糕。
In a long-distance relationship you have the chance to see the true meaning of love beyond the physical, a love so powerful that it can conquer and overpower the challenges of time, distance, and everything that comes it's way.
Being in a long-distance relationship will test your courage, patience, and maturity.
A long-distance relationship can be a happy and fulfilling one, but the distance will cause occasional moments when the individuals have pangs of loneliness.
在一段异地恋的关系中，你有机会看到超越物质层面的爱的真正含义，一种强大的爱，它可以征服并战胜时间、距离和它所带来的一切挑战。
异地恋将考验你的勇气、耐心和成熟度。
异地恋可能是一段快乐而充实的关系，但这种距离会让人偶尔感到孤独感。
Distance brings you emotionally and spiritually closer.Distance makes you realize it's only love that matters eventually. No amount of expensive gifts can make up for the physical absence of your bae.The longing is real…This longing is love..The longing turns into prayer even without you realising it…Long distance relationships are a beautiful promise of love,faith and understanding.
I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over seven years now.Long distance relationships are complicated with less communication and the actual physical distance. It's not easy.Trust me.There are days when you are ok with it but then there are also days when you miss your significant other so much that you want to take them out of pictures and memories and hug them so tight to never let them go.You laugh heartily together and you cry your eyes out together.
Apart from all these difficulties,LDRs have an air of mystery around them.You learn to value each other. You don't take each other for granted. Little things such a random call from them and a cute long message from them can keep you going strong for days together.When you finally get to meet,it's like a dream come true.You feel truly blessed to actually live in the moment together.Their hugs,kisses and company is all that you wish for.
真正重要的只有爱。再多昂贵的礼物也无法弥补爱人不在身边的伤痛。这种渴望是真实的，这种渴望就是爱，这种渴望在你意识不到的时候就变成了祈祷，异地恋是爱、信仰和理解的美好承诺。
我和我的男朋友保持了七年多的异地恋关系。异地恋关系是复杂的，沟通和实际的物理距离较少，它不容易。相信我。有些时候你可以接受，但也有些时候你非常想念你的另一半，以至于你想把他们从照片和记忆中带走，紧紧拥抱他们，永远不让他们离开，你们一起欢笑，一起哭泣。
除了这些困难，异地恋还有一种神秘感。你们要学会珍惜彼此。你们不会认为彼此是理所当然的。他们的一个电话和一条令人愉快的长消息这样的小事可以让你们在一起坚强几天。当你终于见面时，就像美梦成真。能真正生活在一起，你真的感到很幸福。他们的拥抱、亲吻和陪伴是你唯一的愿望。
Me: Kabhi bhi gussa nahi ata mere upar??Itna shaant kaise reh lete ho??(Don't you get angry/upset with me sometimes??How do you maintain your calm all the time??)
Him: Ek pal k gusse k liye main tujhe khona nahi chahta dumbo.Kya pata meri gusse me kahi hui baat Ko tune sach maanke dil se laga liya aur mujhse dur ho gayi to..Main ji nahi paunga.Tu mere liye sabse zyada precious hai.Aur mujhe tujhpe gussa ata bhi nai.(I don't want to lose you in a moment of anger.If I end up saying something in fit of rage and you believe it, you'll act distant.I can't live without you.You are the most precious asset in my life)
Me: In tears. How can you be so mature!! I wish I could be half as good as you.
Him: You're better than me.
I know my man is for keeps.What if it's a long distance relationship,love is as real as the distance and ultimately love will conquer this distance too.
He's my first love.He’s my only one till forever n eternity.I love you future husband..I don't know if there is an afterlife or not,but if something like that exists,I wish to live in this relationship with you for eternity and infinity <3
Long distance relationships make you realize that it's not the body you fall in love with,it's actually the soul…
我要跟你们分享一个小故事。今天我和我的宝贝通过语音通话，我偶然问他为什么他对我从不发脾气和失去耐心(显然我的男人从来没有对我大喊大叫或在发怒时对我说过刻薄的话。7年来一次都没有。我脾气不好。他耐心和成熟，神啦，我真幸运)
我：你不是有时会生我的气吗？你如何一直保持冷静的？
他：我不想在生气的时候失去你。如果我生气时说了什么而你相信了，你就会表现得很疏远。没有你我活不下去。你是我生命中最宝贵的财富。
我：流下了眼泪。你怎么能这么成熟!!我希望我能有你一半好。
他：你比我强。
我知道我的男人是永远的。如果这是一段异地恋，爱和距离一样真实，最终爱也会征服这段距离
他是我的初恋情人。他是我的唯一，直到永远。我爱你未来的丈夫。我不知道是否有来世，但如果有类似的东西存在，我希望和你一直保持这种关系，直到永远。
异地恋让你意识到你爱上的不是身体，而是灵魂。
Snehal,二元同步通信。皮莱艺术、商业和科学学院IT专业(2018年)
最难经历的事—总是让人感到孤独、无助、粘人，以及所有你能想到的不好的事情!
Well I have recently published my first novel based on a true love story that is based on long distance love. Well I would not call it a relationship because my novel is all about “ LOVE IS NOT RELATIONSHIP” . The novel is SHE STOOD BY ME and it has hit the Amazon best seller chart in the first week itself. People are loving it more than I had expected.
我最近出版了我的第一部小说，它是根据一个真实的爱情故事改编的，它是基于异地恋。我不认为这是一种关系，因为我的小说是关于“爱不是关系”的。小说《她站在我身边》在第一周就登上了亚马逊畅销书排行榜，人们对它的喜爱程度超过了我的预期。