印度男人的烦恼：过了30岁还能找到老婆吗？
Is it difficult for Indians to find a spouse post 30?
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印度男人的烦恼
正文翻译
Turning 29 in a few weeks and just got out of a toxic relationship. I'm losing hope. I always thought I would find the 'one' but I feel lost at the moment. All friends getting married.
我几周后就要29岁了，刚刚结束了一段糟糕的关系。我失去希望了。我一直以为我会找到“那个人”，但现在我感觉很失落。我所有朋友都结婚了。
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I'm male btw.
顺便说，我是男的。
顺便说，我是男的。
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I will be turning 29 in few month, faced the same situation and the same question recently. But was lucky enough to move past this, and hope you do as well.
再过几个月我就29岁了，最近我面临着同样的情况和同样的问题。但很幸运，我熬过这一关了，希望你也能这样。
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享受你的生活和你朋友的婚礼吧，当你觉得准备好了再去结婚。朋友结婚或你30岁不应该成为结婚的理由!!
Thanks for this bud
谢谢你的话，兄逮。
Literally everyone I know from family and friends got married at/after 30. Most wanted to settle down financially, some had no interest whatsoever and where forced into marriage, some wanted to find a compatible partner and so on.
我认识的每一个家人和朋友都是30岁或30岁以后结婚的。大多数人想在经济上安定下来，有些人根本没有兴趣，结婚纯属被迫，有些人想找到一个合适的伴侣，等等。
一些已婚夫妇甚至选择不生孩子。还有我的CA叔叔，他很快就要33岁了，正在等待PS6的发行。
Amazing mindset your family got. Love it!
你们家的心态真棒。爱它!
Then there's my CA uncle who's turning 33
Someone who will be 31 soon, this makes me mad. 33 olds are now uncle?
作为一个快31岁的人，这话让我很生气。33岁的人现在都是大叔了?
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get married
settle down financially
How does that work?
结婚
在经济上安定下来
这是什么道理?
It is better to marry late than to marry wrong
晚婚比找错人好。
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Powerful
强大。
Also dont marry just for the sake of getting married.
也不要为了结婚而结婚。
Also it’s almost impossible to know if the person you married is right or not. People change
而且，你几乎不可能知道你结婚的那个人是否是真命。人是会变的。
This
是的。
Dude I am literally in the same position, except that I am 30. I live in Boston, have all the credentials that prospective brides family will look for, but I still have a lot of issues in finding the right one. It is traumatic, not for me but from the societal pressure that comes from all the direction in your way. But I’m holding strong, not to marry the wrong person.
伙计，我的处境和你差不多，除了我已经30岁了。我住在波士顿，有未来新娘家庭所需要的所有资格，但在找到合适的那个人方面，我仍然有很多问题。这件事让人恐惧，不是对我，而是来自社会压力，来自前进路上的各个方向。但我很坚持，不会跟错误的人结婚。
If you don't mind, what are the issues that you are currently facing?
Wow! Boston! You'd be having a queue of girls lined up already!
如果你不介意说的话，请问你目前面临的问题是什么?
哇! 波士顿! 已经有一大堆女孩在排队等你了!
You do realise women want more than a great city to live in right?
你知道女人想要的不只是生活在一个大城市吧?
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Yeah, much more.. like emotional support, communication, empathy, independence, fallback partner, respect, love, stability etc but a guy living in Andheri earning 30k a month with all of these amazing qualities as a partner is not getting the bride who’ll choose him above Boston
是的，她们要更多……比如情感支持、沟通、同理心、独立、应变的伴侣、尊重、爱、稳定等，但如果一个男人住在安德里，月薪3万，拥有所有这些令人赞叹的作为伴侣的品质，也娶不到一个选择他，而不选择波士顿的新娘。
Its a sad materialistic world we live in. Women are valued for how they look and men for what they bring to the table.
我们生活在一个可悲的物质世界里。女人重视对方的外表，而男人重视对方的嫁妆。
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that a great city is equivalent to getting a decent girl. All I’m saying is that I normally pass the credentials that family look for in terms of stability. All the qualities that you listed I tend to view superior than having a good bank balance . All I’m looking for is a like minded person with a good vibe , but that is apparently tough.
不要误会我的意思，我并不是说身在一个大城市就等于能找到一个好女孩。我想说的是，我通常能通过家庭所期望的稳定性的要求。我认为你列出的所有品质都比拥有良好的银行存款要好。我所寻找的是一个志同道合的人，有着良好的感觉，但这显然很困难。
What are the problems you seem to be facing? Are you unable to find someone compatible? Or do you somehow fall short in the physical categories?
你面临的问题是什么?你找不到合适的人吗?还是你在物质范畴上有所欠缺?
I dont think I’m falling short in physical categories. It’s about compatibility and nature.
Installed bumble and got a handful matches and went on some dates too. But the one I liked was just looking to hookup and rest I didn’t like .
我不认为我在物质方面有欠缺。而在于兼容性和天性。
我装了bumble（婚恋软件），有些人匹配上了，还去了一些约会。但我喜欢的那个人只是为了勾搭，其他的我不喜欢。
Maybe it's the availability in Boston then. If you were to come back to India, I'm sure your parents would be able to whip up a lot of women who would love to go out with you.
也许是因为波士顿男人太多。如果你回到印度，我相信你的父母能找到很多愿意和你约会的女人。
你在波士顿这件事会增加你的机会，而不是造成阻碍。你似乎已经是一个很好的选择，如果我认识你，我会试着给你安排一下，哈哈。加油吧! 你一定会找到适合你的人!
FOMO is tempting but in terms of marriage can lead to a disaster, not every marriage is a happy one either. I also have no doubt that most of your friends are having arranged marriages which personally I consider not to be very good. Live a fun meaningful life, if it's meant to be then you'll find someone.
害怕错过的心态很催人，但就婚姻而言，它可能会导致一场灾难，并不是每段婚姻都是幸福的。我也毫不怀疑，你的大多数朋友都是包办婚姻，我个人认为这不是很好。如果你想过一种有趣而有意义的生活，你一定会找到对的人。
Yes I think I dodged a bullet. Will wait and do other stuff
是的，我想我躲过了一劫。我会等待并做其他事情。
You're tempted to get Married because of your friends? There's more to life than getting married.
你想结婚是因为你的朋友结婚了?生活中有比结婚更重要的事。
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It's the FOMO and also inner fear to not find the right one
是害怕错过的心态，也是内心的恐惧，害怕找不到合适的人。
Farhan Akhtar & Shibani Dandekar just got married and they’re 48 & 41 years old respectively. You can’t force when you’ll find the right person, but makes no sense to marry some idiot just because of your age.
Farhan Akhtar和Shibani Dandekar刚刚结婚，他们分别是48岁和41岁。你不能强迫自己什么时候会找到对的人，但不能因为自己的年龄就嫁给一个白痴。
Not everyone is celebrity.
不是每个人都是名人。
Been there, done that. Trust me, it's better to wait till you find the right person rather than rush into something because of external pressure. I got married at 33, having started the search at 28. Totally worth it, since I think I met the perfect woman for me. Just put your head down and power through it.
我经历过，也结过婚。相信我，最好是等到你找到合适的人，而不是因为外部压力而仓促行事。我28岁开始寻找，33岁结婚。完全值得，因为我遇到了最适合我的女人。只需要低下你的头，用力经过这一段。
Not really. The educated ones tend to marry late. If you have a sense of vision about what you want to do before you put down roots, you marry late.
并不然。受过良好教育的人往往晚婚。如果你在扎根之前对自己想做的事情有一个愿景，你就会结婚晚。
Yes. I get this. I am trying to lay a foundation and concentrating on my career.
是的。我明白。我想打好基础，专注于我的事业。
Nope. Both my siblings got married in early 30s. There was no dearth of potential matches.
不。我的兄弟姐妹都是在30岁出头结婚的。并不缺乏潜在的匹配对象。
我个人认为20多岁是发现自我的时候。一个人应该在30多岁或快30岁时才会选择包办婚姻。在这个年龄之前，大多数人都不知道该在伴侣身上寻找什么。
Aspire to be the cool uncle for all the kids of your friends.
立志成为你朋友的孩子们的酷叔叔。
Depression +100
抑郁值+100
I’m 34 and I found gem of a person !! Will marry her later this year!! Don’t feel low or give up!! It’s never late to find your one and only!
我34岁了，我发现了一个优秀的人!! 今年晚些时候和她结婚!! 不要灰心或放弃!! 找到你的唯一永远不会晚!
Congratulations man!! So happy for you!
恭喜你! !真为你高兴!
Thanks bro!!
谢谢兄逮！
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Is it difficult for Indians to find a spouse post 30?
In a country of 1.4 billion? Nope. Such ideas come from people with a narrow field of vision. You can find a spouse at any age, provided you know what you're looking for and have the confidence to go for it.
在一个14亿人口的国家? 不。眼界狭窄的人才会有这种想法。你可以在任何年龄找到配偶，只要你知道自己在寻找什么，并有信心去追求它。
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1.4 billion minus the people of the gender you wish to marry, minus the people ready to have a marriage rn, minus the people you'd like to marry. It's down to ten thousands by now if not thousands
14亿减去你不想与之结婚的性别，减去已经结婚的人，减去你不想与之结婚的人。这个数字已经降到了几万，甚至是几千。
So a thousand choices is not enough to make a decision?
一千人的选择还不够你下决定吗？
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It's not my choice the same division will happen from your spouse's side. And further you should somehow be able to meet each other.
Plus that's not my point I'm saying that the guy with first comment in this thread is illogical in 1.4B claim. That's all
不是我的选择，同样的分歧也会发生在你的对象那边。更进一步说，你们应该能够以某种方式遇见对方。
另外，这不是我的观点，我是说这个帖子里第一个评论说的14亿是不合逻辑的。仅此而已。
I didn't say 1.4 billion people are your potential spouse, smh! You brought down 1.4 billion to a few thousands, that's far more illogical. If marriage was such a game of numbers as you're portraying, we would hardly see any happening.
我没说14亿人是你的潜在配偶!你把14亿降到几千，这就更不合逻辑了。如果婚姻像你描述的那样是一场数字游戏，我们几乎不会看到任何事情发生。
I mean you do want a successful marriage and not parents fighting each other and being toxic to their children.
我的意思是，你真的想要一个成功的婚姻吗？而不是成为互相争斗的父母，并且毒害你们的孩子。
Yes. Be it 15 or 45, always have the confidence to get married.
P.S. Learnt it from my time in Rajasthan
是的。无论15岁还是45岁，都要有结婚的信心。
附言:这是我在拉贾斯坦邦时学到的。
The last line is what makes this so much difficult.
最后一行是让这件事变得如此困难的原因。
Haha yes!
哈哈，是的！
if you are feeling loneliness and cannot handle it. Then get married to the best partner you can find in reasonable short time.
如果你感到孤独，并且无法承受，那就在合理的短时间内和你能找到的最好的伴侣结婚。
如果你能忍受孤独或者喜欢独自生活，那么就不要为了结婚而结婚。而是因为你找到了值得的人才结婚。
如果你因为某种压力而结婚，你以后会后悔的。
Yes. Going with someone worthy
是的。与值得的人结婚。
Nah, My brother-in-law got married at 29. Another cousin at 31. Another at 33. All arranged marriages, btw. Don't fret about it, things will work out.
不，我姐夫29岁才结婚。另一个表亲31岁。另一个33岁。顺便说一下，都是包办婚姻。别为此烦恼，事情会解决的。
If you're in India, yes. Most marriage proposals through arranged situations you get are from divorced with kids, unemployed or with secondary education degree, if you're a woman.
如果你在印度，是的。如果你是一名女性，那么大多数通过包办方式求婚的人都是离了婚，有孩子，没有工作，或者只受过中等教育的人。
这发生在我妹妹身上。她希望父母为她安排一个男人，而不是自己找一个男人。我们的父母忙着互相吵架。最终，30多岁的她还是单身。当我们的父母终于意识到他们的女儿单身太久了，她太害羞了，以至于自己找不到男人时，他们在流行的婚恋网站上为她开了账户。
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大多数对她感兴趣的男人都有孩子，年纪太大，没有工作，或者没有受过专业教育或有正当职业。她认为合适的那个人则要求以“零用钱”来伪装嫁妆。最终，她放弃了寻找，决定离开这个国家，因为她无法承受来自社会的压力。她希望在加拿大找个人。既然我在那里，我可以给她提供支持。
This was very insightful. Thanks for this! Hope you can help her soon!
很有见地。感谢!希望你能尽快帮助她!
Is there some competition with your friends to get married ? I got married at 32
你和你的朋友在结婚问题上有竞争吗?我是32岁结婚的。
It's just the FOMO that's getting me
我只是有点患得患失。
Thank you. I am 31 and it's hard some times. Everyone around including friends just keep asking when I am getting married. They don't talk anything else.
谢谢你！我31岁了，有时这很难。周围的人包括朋友都在问我什么时候结婚。他们别的什么都不说。
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From my perspective in this case your friends whole personality is revolving around their marriage that’s why they don’t have anything to talk about? It sounds pretty boring to me. But of course I am not an expert and in my early 20s still.
在我看来，在这件事里你朋友们的整个人格都围绕着他们的婚姻，这就是为什么他们没有什么可谈的。 听起来很无聊。当然，我不是专家，我才20岁出头。
My ex-boyfriend 22yo wants to get married just to have sex...gajab aadmi hai
我的前男友22岁，他想结婚只是为了做爱……
Hi, just turned 30 (f) and im unmarried. Rejected a few marriage proposals. My mum is losing her shit cause she thinks I'm reaching my expiry date :D but she's trying to be cool about it. Am I worried? I guess. But I'm not ready to commit to just anyone. I'd be more miserable that way. Heck, my uncle even told me that while I'm waiting for Mr. Right, even Mr. Wrong will leave LOL. But my dad also says the early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten by the bird. My point is ------> 20 years later you might be sleeping on a bed, staring up at the ceiling, your wife asleep next to you, and neither of you are happy. But you can't divorce cause you've got kids. You're miserable and wish you waited longer to meet a person you really click with. So don't rush into it, bruh.
嗨，我刚满30岁（女），而且还没结婚。拒绝了一些求婚。我妈妈气疯了，因为她认为我快要过期了，哈哈，但她努力对此事保持冷静。我担心吗? 我猜有点。但我还没准备好随便找个人。那样我会更痛苦。嘿，我的叔叔甚至告诉我，在我等待真命天子的时候，即使是错的人也会离开，哈哈。但是我爸爸也说早起的鸟儿有虫吃，但是早起的虫儿被鸟吃。我的意思是------> 20年后你可能会睡在床上，盯着天花板，你妻子睡在你旁边，你们俩都不开心。但你不能离婚，因为有孩子。你很痛苦，希望自己当年能再等一段时间，遇到一个真正合得来的人。所以别着急，兄弟。
天啊，我写了那么多。这很唐突，但我就讲到这里吧。
Wise words said here. Read quite a few incidents about how couples laying next to eachother and not feeling happy at all. That part hit me.
Thanks for the encouragement!
这些话很有道理。度过不少关于情侣们躺在一起时感觉不快乐的事件。这部分触动了我。
谢谢你的鼓励!
I'm 31. No plan of marriage in near future bcoz I'm not ready mentally and financially. Gotta think about everything before making a huge commitment like marriage.
我31岁。近期还没有结婚的计划，因为我在心理和经济上都还没有准备好。在做出像结婚这样的重大承诺之前，必须考虑周全。
Are you kidding me....age as a barrier is only for females generally...Most of the cases men enjoy the privilege of marriage whenever they want. The little pressure you have I you are in late 30s. That too if you are rich than that's also not a problem.
你在开玩笑吗……年龄通常只是女性的障碍。在大多数情况下，只要愿意，男人都享有结婚的特权。等你快40了才会有点小压力。如果你很富有，这也不是问题。
然而，我觉得如果你早点结婚，那么在孩子出生之前，你就会有更多的时间留给自己和妻子。而且，就像我们的父母一样，在你退休的时候，所有的责任都结束了。
但是，不管怎样结婚唯一的原因是爱。
Bruh if something is a barrier for females, it automatically becomes a barrier for males as well.
噗，如果某件事是女性的障碍，那么它也会自动成为男性的障碍。
因为如果女人到了一定年龄就急着结婚，那就意味着这个年龄及以上的男人会看到他们的约会对象迅速减少，除非你是卡萨诺瓦类型的人，在这种情况下你是一个例外。
Ok, sure..but that's not true from where I come from.
好吧，当然，但在我的家乡不是这样的。
No. It's just peer pressure. Upto 32 years, it's no problem. After that you need to have good package. It's better to get married early so that you can support your kids while they grow otherwise it will be the other way round.
不。这只是同辈的压力。最多到32岁，没问题。之后你需要有一个好的包装。最好早点结婚，这样你就能在孩子成长的过程中养活他们，否则事情就会反过来了。
That thought process was valid in the 50s, not today. People used to have children early because the life span of the average citizen was not that high. Today people live to about 75-80 easily.
这种思维过程在50年代是有效的，而不是今天。人们过去很早就生孩子，因为普通公民的平均寿命并没有那么长。今天，人们很容易活到75-80岁。
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在安定下来之前，人们应该好好享受二十几岁的时光，经历不同的事情，认识不同的人。
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Well his 20s are going to end soon. Plus, i have spent many years taking care of my ill parents who are in their late 60s. My life would have been better if i was born in their late 20s or early 30s instead of late 30s. Everyone has their own opinion based on their story. You might have different story, hence different opinion.
他的20多岁就要结束了。另外，我花了很多年照顾我的父母，他们都快60岁了。如果我是在他们将近30岁，而不是将近40岁出生的，我的生活会更好。每个人根据自己的故事，都有自己的观点。你可能有不同的故事，因此有不同的观点。
Agreed, everyone’s circumstances are different. I have seen people who’s parents are well into their 70s and are totally fit/independent.
同意，每个人的情况都不一样。我见过一些人，他们的父母都70多岁了，还完全健康/独立。
这件事真的要看情况而定。我只是在表达我的观点，没有必要过早结婚，这样你就完全错过了20多岁的生活。同样，每个人的思维过程是完全不同的，环境也不同。
我只是想说，如果OP因为同辈的压力和社会的看法而考虑结婚，在我看来，这些原因应该不重要。
Yes makes sense
是的，有道理。
All friends getting married
To strangers? lol
都跟陌生人结婚了？哈哈。
If you have good career, good looks and interesting personality, have good circle of friends and family around you then no it's not difficult, else it's difficult at any age
如果你有不错的事业，漂亮的外表和有趣的性格，周围有很好的朋友和家人，那么这并不难，否则在任何年龄都很难。
First three points are valid. The friend circle part is where I have a massive disadvantage. No friend circle at all! Family is there. Always have been grateful for that.
前三点是有效的。朋友圈是我最大的劣势。我没有朋友圈! 但是有家人。我对此一直心存感激。
Two swords do not fit in one scabbard. Enjoy your freedom as much as you can.
两把剑不能插在一个剑鞘里。尽情享受你的自由吧。
Getting married because everyone is else is, is not a solid foundation for a relationship.
a FOMO Shaadi for sure.
因为别人都结婚了而结婚，并不是一段关系的坚实基础。
你肯定是个患得患失的家伙。
I am 32 and I found my partner post 30 and I am glad I waited for the right person. I got out of a toxic relationship at 28 and I was in the same boat, worried about finding a person. More than that, I felt I had no energy to invest in a relationship all over again but I believed in meeting someone organically and so I did.
我今年32岁，我在30岁之后找到了我的伴侣，我很高兴我在等待了那个对的人。我在28岁时结束了一段糟糕的感情，当时我也处在同样的境地，担心能否找到一个合适的人。更重要的是，我觉得我没有精力再投入一段感情了，但我相信自己会有机地遇到某人，所以我就这么做了。
我仍然没有结婚，但我的头脑从来没有像现在这样有安全感。相信我，让你的生活自己展开。你会遇到完美的人!
Well, what are you waiting for?
嗯，那你还在等啥？
Bro 29 here. My cousin got married at 35.
我29岁。我老表35岁结的婚。
I know it sucks and that everyone here has really great points but ultimately, 29 is a fine age. So is 30. You will find someone (arranged or not) who will see past your age or at the least, think of it as an added bonus (wisdom of the 30s, anyone?) You don't need to rush or feel stressed. I hate to say this but it is India, even with the amount of pressure you might feel looking around you, society is way more brutal to woman and you will never be seen as inferior for not getting married early. Just establish yourself in your career, stay open to love and connections and you'll get married when it's the right time for you and I'm sure that will be soon :)
我知道这种感觉很糟糕，这里的每个人都有很棒的观点，但最终，29岁是一个不错的年龄。30也是。你会找到那个人（无论是否包办），她会把你的年龄看成过去，或者至少认为这是一种额外的奖励（30岁的智慧，对吧？）。你不需要匆忙或感到压力。我不想这么说，但这是在印度，即使你环顾周围，可能会感到巨大的压力，社会对女性更残酷，而你永远不会因为没有尽早结婚而被视为低人一等。只要确立自己的事业，对爱情和人际关系保持开放的心态，你就会在对你来说合适的时候结婚，我相信那很快就会到来。
Not at all, you're at the age where lots of women will absolutely go for you. This is my personal opinion, I believe women hit peak arranged marriage age at around 28 in India, and men at around 30-32.
一点也不，在你这个年纪肯定会有很多女人喜欢你。这是我的个人观点，我认为印度女性在28岁左右达到包办婚姻的高峰年龄，而男性在30-32岁左右。
Wow. I like the numbers.
哇。我喜欢这些数字。
Nope, not for a man. Better if you marry when you’re ready and find the person who is right for you and vice versa.
不，不适用于男人。如果你准备好了就结婚，找到适合你的人就更好了，反之亦然。
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
In the same boat as you OP. But you are a man in India, it'll be easier on you than it's on me.
Plagued by the same fear as yours, not finding the right one.
And at this point I have just given up, whatever will happen, will happen at it's own pace. Till then live to your fullest.
Wish you all the best!
我和你处境相同，但你是印度人，对你来说比对我容易。
和你一样，被同样的恐惧所困扰，找不到合适的人。
在这一点上，我已经放弃了，无论发生什么，都会按照自己的节奏发生。在那之前，好好生活。
祝你一切顺利!
原创翻译：龙腾网 http://www.ltaaa.cn 转载请注明出处
Thanks a lot! Hope you too find what you're looking for! ??
谢谢!希望你也能找到你想要的!
Was in exactly ame situation last year. Found someone in a few months. Hoping this one lasts. But learnt my lessons from the last one and living in the moment. Feeling much better in general.
去年的情况和现在完全一样。几个月后就找到了。希望这次能持续下去。但我从上一次中吸取了教训，活在当下。总的来说感觉好多了。
How did you manage to socialize in the pandemic?
你是如何在大流行期间进行社交活动的?
She was an acquaintance I started talking to on text and call and finally met couple of months in the safer interval after 2nd wave. While meeting f2f was important, it wont have mattered if we hadn't bonded before that. So it basically boils down to the chemistry you have with the other person.
她是我的一个熟人，我开始通过短信和电话联系，最后在第二波疫情结束后的安全间隔时间里认识了两个月。虽然面对面见面很重要，但如果我们之前没有建立联系，这也就不重要了。所以这基本上归结为你和另一个人之间的化学反应。
Only if you were Mukesh Ambani.
除非你是穆凯什?安巴尼。
Hell no. I’m seeing a shit ton of women that want to get married.
Are you rich? Are you in shape? Have a good friend circle? A good job? Obviously those things will factor in because partners obviously don’t want to struggle.
Edit. Just read your name. Not mukesh ambani. So not as rich as him or not as ugly as him?
才不是，我见过一大堆想要结婚的女人。
你有钱吗?你身材好吗?有一个好的朋友圈吗?有一个份的工作吗?很明显，这些都是考虑因素，因为伴侣们显然不想努力奋斗。
编辑。读出你的名字。你不是穆凯什?安巴尼。那你是不如他有钱，还是不如他丑?
Rich? No fucking ways.
In shape? Yes ser.
Friend circle? I have disappointed my ancestors.
Not rich as Mukesh but less ugly.
富有？根本不是。
身材好？还行。
朋友圈？辜负了祖宗。
不如穆凯什那样富有，但没有他丑。