Some of the most important truths in life don’t make sense on the surface, but once you get beneath it, the world will never look the same.
I noticed this the first time I fell in love. There was a girl in my high school class I liked a lot. Shoulder-long, brown hair, beautiful face, a heart-melting laugh, and eyes I could’ve stared into forever, or at least until the bell announced the next algebra session.
Like most high school kids, I thought I just needed to be nice and loving for her to reciprocate my feelings. Spoiler: It didn’t work. My advances got rejected more often than Mike Tyson’s credit card in 2003.
After another few similar incidents, I had enough. I stopped being a nice guy and started giving fewer fucks. I teased. I said mean things. I rejected the girls. And all of a sudden, I was drowning in female attention.
At first, I didn’t understand it, but later realized dating isn’t the only part of life with an inherent paradoxical truth.
Unfortunately, these are often hard to uncover because if you don’t understand them, it’s like flipping your kitchen switch to see your bedroom lights turn on. But it only works every second Wednesday during a full moon.
Yet, there’s also some good beneath all the confusion.
Once you get behind the mechanisms, you’ll understand life a lot better and will be able to navigate it with confidence instead of wrecking your ship on a cliff every two weeks without knowing why and how.
Here’s what I’ve learned about the paradoxical truths of life — may they open your eyes as much as they did mine.

生活中一些最重要的真理在表面上看起来毫无意义，但是一旦你深入其中，世界将不再是原来的样子。
我第一次恋爱的时候就注意到了这一点，高中班上有一个女孩，我很喜欢，齐肩的棕色头发，漂亮的脸蛋，令人心动的笑声，还有一双我可以永远盯着看的眼睛，至少可以一直凝视到下一次代数课的铃声响起。
像大多数高中生一样，我以为我只要对她好，对她爱护，她就会回应我的感情，（ 剧透：并没啥卵用）我的求爱被拒绝的次数比2003年迈克泰森信用卡被拒次数还多。
又经历了几次类似的事件后，我受够了，我不再做个好人，少给予，说一些刻薄话，我拒绝了女孩，突然间，我被女性的关注淹没了。
起初，我并不理解，但后来我意识到约会并不是生活中唯一的一部分，这是一个内在的矛盾真理。
不幸的是，这些往往很难被发现，因为如果你不理解它们，就像打开厨房开关却看到卧室的灯打开，而它只在满月的第二个星期三有效一样。
然而，尽管混乱而困惑，也有一些好处，一旦你了解了背后的机制，你就会更好地理解生活，并能自信地驾驭它，而不是每两个星期在不知道为什么和如何的情况下将其毁掉。
这就是我所了解到的关于生活中的悖论真理——愿它们能让你和我一样开阔眼界。

The More You Try to Impress, the Less Impressed Everyone Will Be
If you asked my girlfriend about the most impressive thing I ever did, the answer would be shockingly trivial.
We were cooking and one of my roommates had left a cold pack filled with gel on the counter. Without looking, I tossed it over my shoulder and straight onto a towel hook. My girlfriend stared at me with absolute disbelief.
The throw itself wasn’t impressive. But I made it look effortless — no-aim, no-look, just a casual toss.
Impressiveness = Result / Effort
This doesn’t only hold for throwing cold packs through your kitchen, but also job interviews, public speeches, first dates, and showing your boss you’re worth your money.
Nobody likes a tryhard. The more people see you struggle, the less fascinated they’ll be. If you want to be impressive, make it look effortless.
What You Hate Someone Else for Is Likely What You Avoid in Yourself

# 你越是想给人留下深刻印象，给人的印象就越差
如果你问我女朋友我做过的最令人印象深刻的事，答案会是令人震惊的小事。
我们正在做饭，我一个室友在柜台上放了一个装满凝胶的冰袋，我看也没看，就把它从肩膀上扔了过去，直接扔到了毛巾钩上，女友瞪着我，表示难以置信。
抛出的东西本身并不令人印象深刻，但我让它看起来毫不费力——不用瞄准，也不用看，只是随意一扔。
印象深刻 = 结果/努力
这不仅适用于在厨房里扔冰袋，也适用于求职面试、公开演讲、初次约会，以及向老板展示自己的价值。
没有人喜欢努力的人，人们越是看到你挣扎，他们就越不会关注，如果你想给人留下深刻的印象，就要让它看起来毫不费力。
你讨厌别人的地方，很可能就是你自己所回避的地方。

When I was a teenager, I was insecure about my body — big surprise.
I was tall but lanky and got teased for my scrawny appearance. I’ve always been sporty — swimming, running, soccer, tennis, skiing, you name it. But when one day I stepped foot into a gym, I knew I had found my athletic calling.
However, all the additional muscle mass didn’t do much in terms of body insecurity. I had deep, underlying issues that surfaced in very ugly ways: I talked shit about fat people.
Subconsciously, I projected my insecurities onto others, making fun of their bodies and how many burgers they had for breakfast. I was an idiot who was unaware of himself.
Carl Jung calls this reflection, Sigmund Freud projection, but the result is the same. You often avoid what you don’t like about yourself only to release the inner tension through another outlet.
You might not bitch about someone’s BMI, but about their lack of punctuality, bad presentation skills, or questionable taste in fashion.
Coming to terms with these requires you to drop your ego and be humble, but when you do, you can get to the root of the trouble and start working on yourself.
“The flaws you see in others are actually a reflection of yourself.”
— Eve Branson

当我还是青少年的时候，我对自己的身体缺乏安全感——很让人吃惊是不是。
我个子很高，但很瘦，我因为瘦弱的外表而被人嘲笑，我一直很喜欢运动，游泳、跑步、足球、网球、滑雪，凡是你能想到的我都有做，但当有一天我踏进健身房时，我知道我已经找到了我的运动天分。
然而，所有额外的肌肉质量并没有在身体的不安全感方面起到什么作用，我有深层次的、潜在的问题，以非常丑陋的方式浮现出来：我嘲笑胖子们。
潜意识里，我把自己的不安全感投射到别人身上，取笑他们的身体和他们早餐吃了多少汉堡，我是一个不了解自己的白痴。
卡尔荣格把这种反射称为西格蒙德 · 弗洛伊德投射，其结果是一样的，你经常回避你不喜欢自己的地方，只是为了通过另一个出口来释放内心的紧张。
你可能不会抱怨某人的体重指数，但是会抱怨他们不守时、不善于表达，或者对时尚品味的质疑。
要想接受这些，需要你放下自我，谦虚一点，这样做的时候你就可以找到问题的根源，开始在自己身上下功夫。
“你在别人身上看到的缺点实际上是你自己缺点的反射。”
—— 伊芙 · 布兰森

People Who Don’t Trust Can’t Be Trusted
In line with the above, here’s what this often looks like in practice.
We’ve all heard at least one story about a super jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, going through their partner’s phone and accusing them of infidelity, only to be caught in someone else’s bed a few months later.
You see the world through your perspective, just as everyone else views it through theirs. People often form assumptions about others’ behavior based on their own. If they don’t trust others, chances are it’s because they know others can’t trust them.

# 不信任别人的人不值得被信任
与上面的一样，这是在实践中经常出现的情况。
我们至少都听过这样一个故事：一个超级嫉妒的男朋友或女朋友，翻开伴侣的手机，指责他们不忠，结果在几个月后被发现在别人的床上。
你通过自己的视角看世界，就像其他人通过他们的视角看世界一样，人们常常根据自己的行为对他人的行为做出假设，如果他们不信任别人，很可能是因为他们知道别人不能信任他们。

You Succeed Not Despite Your Failures, but Because of Them
There’s a simple reason every successful person has failed hard before they became top dog. Without failure, success is impossible.
Jack Ma got rejected from KFC. Michael Jordan got kicked out of his high school basketball team. Elon Musk got ousted as CEO of his own company, had Paypal’s first product rated one of the ten worst ideas in business, and then promptly gout ousted again as CEO of Paypal while he was on honeymoon. Ouch.
Successful people aren’t successful because they failed so few times, but because they failed so many. Success comes from relentless improvement and failure is the best teacher.
Don’t be afraid to fail. The only bad thing about it is the narrative you still have in your head from school days when green checkmarks meant success and red crosses meant flipping burgers at McDonald’s.
The more you fail, the more you learn, and the more likely you are to succeed.
“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
— Stephen McCranie

# 成功并不回避失败，而且正是因为失败你才成功
每一个成功人士在成为领导者之前都经历过艰难的失败，原因很简单：
没有失败，就不可能成功。
马云被肯德基拒绝，迈克尔 · 乔丹被高中篮球队开除了，埃隆 · 马斯克被自己公司的免了CEO职位，Paypal 的第一款产品被评为商业十大最糟糕的创意之一，之后再次接手，马斯克又一次被赶下了Paypal 首席执行官的宝座，生艹。
成功人士之所以成功，不是因为他们失败的次数太少，而是因为他们失败的次数太多。
成功来自不断的进步，失败是最好的老师，不要害怕失败。
唯一不好的事情是你脑海中仍然有一个故事，那就是在学生时代，绿色的勾代表成功，红色的叉代表去麦当劳做汉堡。
失败越多，学到的就越多，成功的可能性也就越大。
“大师失败的次数比初学者尝试的次数还要多。”
—— 斯蒂芬 · 麦克兰

What Scares You Most Is Your Biggest Chance for a Better Life
Growth happens when you leave your comfort zone.
When I started dating, I was afraid of approaching women on the street since they could reject me. But once I did, my social skills and love life improved tremendously.
When I started my own coaching business, I was afraid to post on Instagram because people I knew from high school could judge me. But once I mustered the courage, I stopped worrying about what others thought of me and found a highly engaging community.
When I disagreed with others, I was afraid of apologizing and admitting mistakes because my ego didn’t take them well. But once I did, my relationships improved by a truckload.
I know this shit is hard. It took me more than 20 tries to first walk up to a woman and stammer a simple “Hi.” But growth is about leaving your comfort zone — and your fear is a great indicator for where it ends.
“What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.”
— Tim Ferriss

# 你最害怕的是什么，什么就是你过上更好的生活的最大机会
当你离开你的舒适区时，你才会成长。
当我开始约会时，我害怕在街上接近女性，因为她们可能会拒绝我，但一旦我这样做了，我的社交技巧和爱情生活都得到了极大的改善。
当我开始自己的教练业务时，我害怕在 Instagram 上发布信息，因为我的高中同学们会对我评头论足，但一旦我鼓起勇气，我就不再担心别人对我的看法，我找到了一个高度参与的社区。
当我与别人意见不一致时，我害怕道歉和承认错误，因为我的自尊心强，无法接受，但一旦我这样做了，我的人际关系就得到了极大的改善。
我知道这种事很难，我试了20多次才敢走到一个女人面前，结结巴巴地说了一句简单的 "嗨"，成长意味着离开你的舒适区，而你的恐惧是一个很好的指示标，告诉你成长的终点在哪里。
"我们最害怕做的事情，通常就是我们最需要做的事情。"
—— 蒂姆·菲利斯

The More You Can Have It, the Less You’ll Want It
My girlfriend is into luxury goods. I can’t tell a Chanel handbag from an Aldi one, but I’m still flabbergasted every time she shows me something.
Some of the handbags and watches sell for as much as a few million Euro, the equivalent of a Malibu beach front villa. How in the world do they get people to pay these prizes? One word: Scarcity.
You value things more when they’re less available. Subconsciously, your brain tells you this must be something special, so you better get your piece of the cake before it’s gone. It’s why manufacturers like Prada rather burn their handbags instead of selling them at a discount — it keeps supply low and perceived value high.
Life becomes a lot easier when you know about this trick. Not only can you spot attempts to lure you with limited offers, but it also explains why being too available kills sexual attraction, and saying yes to every request dues your time and work.
“Nowhere is water so beautiful as in the desert for nowhere else is it so scarce.”
— Edward Abbey

# 越是能拥有，越是不想拥有
我女朋友对奢侈品很感兴趣，我分不清香奈儿手袋和阿尔迪手袋，但每次她给我看什么东西时，我仍然目瞪口呆。
一些手袋和手表售价高达几百万欧元，相当于一套马里布海滩别墅，他们究竟是如何让人们愿意付出这样的高价的呢 ？
一个词： 稀缺。
当事物不那么容易获得时，你会更加重视它们，潜意识里，你的大脑告诉你这一定是某种特别的东西，所以你最好在蛋糕没了之前把它吃掉，这就是为什么普拉达等制造商宁愿烧掉自己的手袋，也不会打折出售的原因——它让供应量保持在低水平，而感知价值却保持在高水平。
当你知道这个窍门的时候，生活会变得容易得多。
你不仅可以发现用有限的工作机会来引诱你的企图，而且还可以解释为什么过于空闲会扼杀性吸引力，以及对每个请求都说好，会耗费你的时间，贬低你的工作。
“ 没有什么地方的水能像沙漠里的水一样动人，因为没有哪个地方的水是如此稀缺。”
—— 爱德华 · 艾比

More Choices Mean Less Satisfaction
I love restaurants because they serve good food and I’m a little fat kid at heart. But there’s one thing I can’t stand.
Long menus confuse the hell out of me. I’m there to eat, not to read a book. In the end, I always pick a random dish and spend half my time wondering what no. 83 would’ve tasted like and if I shouldn’t have ordered it instead.
In psychology, this is known as overchoice. The more alternatives you have the less satisfied you are with your choice because there could’ve been something better.
Keep it simple. Be pragmatic. Don’t overthink. Yes, you could’ve swiped through another 200 people on Tinder, watched another ten movie trailers, or thought about another 50 ways to spend your evening.
But more choices don’t always bring more satisfaction — sometimes they only bring regret.
“The fact that some choice is good doesn’t necessarily mean that more choice is better.”
— Barry Schwartz

# 选择越多，满意度越低
我喜欢餐馆，因为他们提供美味的食物，而我内心深处是个小胖子，但有一件事我不能忍：
长长的菜单总把我搞糊涂，我是去吃饭的，不是去看菜单的。
最后，我总是随便选一道菜，花一半的时间去想83号菜会是什么味道（如果我没有点它的话）。
在心理学上，这就是所谓的“过度选择”。
你的选择越多，你对自己的选择就越不满意，因为人总会感觉本可以有更好的选择。
保持简单，务实，不要想太多。
是，你可以在探探上再刷过200个人，再看10个电影预告片，或者再想出另外50种度过夜晚的方式，但更多的选择并不总是带来更多的满足感 ——有时只会带来遗憾。
" 有选择是好的，并不一定意味着选择越多越好。"
—— 巴里 · 施瓦茨

“The Only Constant in Life Is Change”
Heraclitus, the ancient Greek philosopher, was way ahead of his time when he said these famous words.
Nothing lasts forever. From the tiny cells in your body over the weather to the position of planets, everything changes all the time.
There are two lessons you should draw from that.
First, enjoy good situations while they last. The sun feels nice on your skin but clouds will soon cover it. The honeymoon phase feels amazing, but the wild emotions will calm down. Your investment does well, but after a bull market always comes a bearish one. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Second, bad situations aren’t forever as well — yay! Your long, boring workday will be over at one point. You won’t be heartbroken forever. Even your annoying neighbor will either move out or die at one point. Don’t despair — bad things aren’t here to stay either.
The only constant in life is change.

# “生命中唯一不变的就是变化”
古希腊哲学家赫拉克利特的这句名言远远超前于他所处的时代。
没有什么是永恒的，从你身体里的微小细胞到天气，再到行星的位置，一切都在随时变化。
有两个教训你应该从中吸取。
第一，趁着岁月静好，好好享受。
阳光照在皮肤上的感觉很好，但云层很快就会覆盖它，蜜月阶段的感觉很奇妙，但狂热的情绪会平静下来，你的投资做得很好，但牛市过后总会有一个熊市，趁着这段时间，好好享受吧。
第二，坏事也不是永远的。
你漫长而无聊的工作日会在某个时刻结束，你不会永远心碎，甚至你恼人的邻居也会在某一刻搬走或死掉。
不要绝望—— 坏事不会一直停留。
生命中唯一不变的就是变化。

Problems Make You Happy
I’ll question the mental health of anybody who says “I’d like another serving of extra-large issues with a side of difficult challenges please.” Yet, problems are crucial to your happiness, albeit not directly.
What makes you happy isn’t the problem itself, but solving it.
Trying to lose weight means problems. Hitting the gym is hard and diets suck. But if you push past the pain, you feel great about yourself and the way you solved your problems. You’re happy.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t last forever. A six-pack today won’t keep your happiness levels high a year from now. You need a new problem to solve.
If you didn’t have any obstacles to overcome, life would quickly get dull. What would you do without challenges? You can only enjoy Mojitos in the sun for so long until it gets boring.
The next time you face a problem, don’t get angry or sad. See it as what it really is — another opportunity for happiness.

# 问题让你快乐
如果有人说：“请再给我来一份特大号的问题，配上最困难的挑战。”我会质疑他的心理是否健康。
问题对你的幸福至关重要，尽管不是直接的。
让你快乐的不是问题本身，而是解决问题。
试图减肥就意味着问题——去健身房很难，节食也很糟糕，但是如果你克服了痛苦，你就会对自己和自己解决问题的方式感到很高兴，你会很快乐。
不幸的是，这种情况不会永远持续下去，今天的六块腹肌不会让你的幸福水平在一年后保持在高位，你需要一个新的问题来解决。
如果你没有任何障碍需要克服，生活很快就会变得枯燥乏味。
如果没有挑战，你还能座什么？你只能在阳光下长时间的享受莫吉托鸡尾酒，直到它变得无聊。
下次你遇到问题的时候，不要生气或者难过，看清它的真面目—— 一个获得快乐的机会。