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Christy Vickers, Lived in Suzhou for two years

在苏州住两年了



1:
Colleague: you are getting a little fat.
Me:...

同事:你有点胖了。
我:....

2:
Lady I met on a train: Hello
Me: Hello
Lady: what are you doing here?
Me: working here
Lady: how much do you make a month?
Me: X amount
Lady: Oh that is not enough
(this was actually a hilarious conversation on a K train in broken Chinese when I first arrived)

我在火车上遇到的女士:你好!
我:你好!
女士:你在这里做什么?
我:在这里工作。
女士:你一个月挣多少钱?
我:X金额
女士:哦,这不多啊..
(这其实是我刚到中国在一列快车上用我蹩脚的中文进行的一次搞笑对话)

3.
Colleague: you''re getting a little beer belly
Me: ...

同事:你有点啤酒肚
我:...

4.
Me: what is your fiancée like?
Colleague: Fat and not so handsome.

我:你的未婚妻长什么样?
同事:又胖又不帅。

5.
My friend: My girlfriend and I broke up.
Me: Oh no, how come?
Friend: I went to her home town for spring festival and her parents told her I didn''t have good enough prospects.

我的朋友:我和我女朋友分手了。
我:啊,怎么了?
朋友:我去她老家过春节,她父母告诉她,说我没前途。

6.
Colleague: I like your sweater
Me: Thank you.
Colleague: Why are you saying thank you?

同事:我喜欢你的毛衣。
我:谢谢。
同事:你为什么说谢谢?

7. (I''m sure everyone has this one)
Me: ni hao
any Chinese person I ever said this to: your Chinese is so good!

(我相信每个外国人都遇到过这个)
我:你好
每一个中国人都会说:你的中文真好!

8. ( as I''m in the process of buying two carrots)
Colleagues: Oh my god you''re buying carrots
Me: Yes I''m making dinner later
Colleagues: For (name of my girlfriend)?
Me: Well yeah she will also be eating.
Colleagues: such a great boyfriend.
Me: ???

(我在买胡萝卜的时候)
同事:哦,我的天,你在买胡萝卜。
我:是的,我等会做晚饭。
同事:是为了(我女朋友的名字)?
我:嗯,她也会吃的。
同事们:你真是个不错的男朋友!
我:???

9.
older colleague: This girl from X region has applied for a job can you help me reply to the email
me: Sure
Colleague (as we are working ): How dark do you think she''ll be?
Me: :o ...

老同事:这个来自X地区的女孩申请了一份工作,你能帮我回复下邮件吗?
我:可以啊。
同事(我们正在工作):你觉得她会有多黑?
我:.....

10.
Chinese teacher: How much do you pay for this apartment?
Me: x
Teacher: *shakes head* that is too much.

中国老师:这间公寓多少钱房租?
我:xxx
老师摇着头:那太贵了。

11.
taxi driver: I don''t like Obama and I don''t like Americans.
me *laughing*: My girlfriend (who is sat in the back) is American
Driver (to her):Ah but where are your ancestors from?
Her: Cuba, kind of.
Driver: Ah that''s why you''re OK.

出租车司机:我不喜欢奥巴马,也不喜欢美国人。
我笑:我女朋友(就坐在后面)是美国人。
司机(对她):啊,但你的祖先是哪里的?
她:古巴。
司机:哦,那你还好。

12. (in the sweltering heat of Summer)
Chinese grandma: can you please turn the air con to less cold, it will make my child sick
Me (not going to argue with a grandma: Ok.

(炎热的夏天)
中国奶奶:你能不要把空调调这么低吗?它会让我的孩子生病的。
我(不想和奶奶吵架):好吧。

13.
Every Chinese person: Drinking cold water is bad for your stomach.

所有的中国人:喝冷水对胃不好。

15: colleague: I''m so jealous of how white you are.

同事:我真羡慕你这么白。

16:
Lady: Suzhou has lots of good places to buy pearls. You''re English, all English people love pearls.
Me: They do?
Lady: Of course just look at the queen.

女士:苏州有很多买珍珠的好地方。你是英国人,所有的英国人都喜欢珍珠。
我:是吗?
女士:当然,看看你们的女王。

17:
Lady: I suppose people are a bit like rice.
Me: In what way?
Lady: Well European people are under-cooked, African people are overcooked and Chinese people are just right.
Me: .?!.?! I see.

女士:我想人就和米饭一样。
我:什么意思?
女士:嗯,欧洲人就是煮得太少的米饭(白),非洲的人煮过了(黑),而中国人刚刚好。
我:........我懂了。

18:
Lady: Europeans are much better looking than Americans.
Me: I see.

女士:欧洲人比美国人好看得多。
我:我知道了。

Robyn J Silverthorn, Another English Teacher in China (2011-present)

另一个在中国的英语老师

Taxi driver: are you married?
Me: No, I don''t want to
Taxi driver: (hearty laugh) Not possible!

出租车司机:你结婚了吗?
我:不,我不想结婚。
出租车司机(爽朗地笑着):那不可能的!

An American friend told me this exchange he had:
Taxi driver: Do Brits speak American?

一位美国朋友告诉我他有这样的经验:
出租车司机:英国人会说美国话吗?

More, off the top of my head:
Student/ shopkeeper/ whoever: Why is your skin so white?
Me: Umm... my parents?

更多发生在我身上的场景:
学生店主还有不知道是谁:为什么你的皮肤这么白?
我:嗯....可能是因为我父母白?

Me: I don''t eat meat
Chinese person: :O you just eat vegetables?
Me: well, there''s more to food than meat and veg...
Chinese person: oh, rice?
Me: um, yea...

我:我不吃肉。
中国人:你只吃蔬菜吗?
我:额,除了肉和蔬菜,还有更多的食物....
中国人:哦,米饭?
我:额....

Me: I don''t eat meat
Chinese person: oh, you can take the meat out of your food and put it in this bowl

我:我不吃肉
中国人:哦,你可以把肉从食物里挑出来,放在这个碗里。

Student: I like swimming (presumably outside)/ running/ etc, but it makes my skin black :(
Me: ...

学生:我喜欢游泳(大概是在室外游泳)或者跑步等,但这会使我的皮肤变黑。
我:.....

Me: what are your hobbies?
Student: eating and sleeping
Me:...

我:你的爱好是什么?
学生:吃饭睡觉
我:...

Student (at about 11:30): and now you go for lunch?
Me: i''ll exercise first
Student: :O Now? But it''s lunch time!
Me:...

学生(大约11:30):现在你去吃午饭吗?
我:我先去锻炼
学生:现在?但现在是午饭时间!
我:....

Student 1 to Student 2: You are a pig!
Me: :O
Student 2 to Student 1: No, you are a pig!
Me: :O
Students 1 and 2 laugh and hug and skip off into the sunset together

学生1对着学生2说:你是头猪!
我:喔!
学生2对着学生1说:不,你才是头猪!
我:喔!
然后学生1和2一起欢笑着走进了夕阳中...

Me: it''s so hot/ cold today/ i have a cold/ the world is ending
Caring Chinese friend: drink more water

我:今天太热了/太冷了/我感冒了/世界末日到了。
关心我 的中国朋友:多喝点水。

Stranger: hello
Me: hello
Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: England
Stranger: Do you have WeChat?
Me: no, sorry
Stranger: can you give me your phone number?
Me: I guess. ###
Stranger: we can be friends?
Me: Um... sure...
Stranger: let''s go to drink tea and eat local food
Me: i''m busy, sorry
Is that mean? I don''t even know the person...

陌生人:你好。
我:你好。
陌生人:你是哪里人?
我:英国人。
陌生人:你有微信吗?
我:对不起,我没有。
陌生人:你能告诉我你的电话号码吗?
我:我想是XXXXXXX。
陌生人:我们可以成为朋友吗?
我:嗯,当然....
陌生人:我们去喝茶吃本地菜吧。
我:对不起我很忙。
这啥意思?我甚至都不认识那个人.....

Julie Huang, Creator
Something that I often get from distant relatives in China.
"What did you study?"
Me: politics.
"You studied politics? So Are you going to side with the Americans if war breaks out?"
Me: .........

我经常从我的中国远亲那里得到这样的对话:
“你学的是什么?”
我:政治。
“你学的是政治?如果战争爆发,你会站在美国人一边吗?”
我:.....

"Oh you''re from America! Say something in English"
Me: hi?
"Teach me English"
Me: um.. I''m not a very good teacher.
"Why don''t you want to help me?"

“哦,你来自美国!用英语说几句话听听。”
我:嗨?
“教我说英语。”
我:额,我不是一个很好的老师。
“你为什么不帮我?”

"Why didn''t you come back to China to get married? Do you only like white people?"
Me: my husband is Chinese....
"Did he marry you for the green card?"
Me:.........

“你为什么不回中国结婚呢?你只喜欢白人吗?”
我:我丈夫是中国人....
“他和你结婚是为了绿卡吗?”
我:...

Or before I got married, the question was more
"When are you guys getting married?"
Me: uh.. haven''t considered that yet?
"Why don''t you want to marry him? Is his family bad?"
Me: ........

或者在我结婚之前,这种问题更多:
“你们什么时候结婚?”
我:额.....还没有考虑这个?
“你为什么不嫁给他?他的家庭不好吗?”
我:.....

Grace Fang
In China:
Man: Do you want to be my girlfriend?
Woman: Do you have a house?
Man: No
Woman: Don you have a car?
Man: No
Woman: I don''t care about these stuffs, I care about whether we have something in common.
Man: ( well, what a good girl.)
Woman: Do you like tomatoes?
Man: No.
Woman: That''s too bad, I can''t be the girl friend of someone who don''t like tomatoes.
Man: …
Do you know why girls ask for houses and cars? Simple, in China, most parents will give their money and houses to their sons. Daughters usually get nothing ( except that if you are the only child).
Some parents even ask daughters to pay for their brothers'' houses. Their reasons are ridiculous: girls don''t need a house because they will get one from their husband when they are married. If a boy doesn''t have a house they won''t find a wife.
So boys, don''t complain about girls'' requirements, cause they have been taken all the things by their brothers.
( My grammar sucks, feel free to correct the grammatical problems. Thanks for that.)

在中国:
男:你可以做我女朋友吗?
女人:你有房子吗?
男:没有。
女人:你有车吗?
男:没有
女人:我其实不在乎这些房啊车啊的,我只在乎我们有没有共同的爱好。

男:(多好的女孩啊!)
女人:你喜欢西红柿吗?
男:不喜欢。
女:那太糟糕了,我不能成为不喜欢西红柿的人的女朋友。
男人:....
你知道为什么女孩要房子和车子吗?很简单,在中国,大多数父母都会把钱和房子给儿子。女儿通常什么也得不到(除非你是独生子女)。
一些父母甚至要求女儿为他们兄弟的房子买单,她们的理由很荒谬:女孩不需要房子,因为她们结婚后会从丈夫那里得到一套房子。如果一个男孩没有房子,他们就找不到妻子。
所以男孩们,不要抱怨女孩的要求,因为她们所有的东西都被他们的兄弟拿走了。