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WE NEVER FIGHT

西班牙美女的中国日记:爱情篇(五)我们从不吵架/我的中国公公

WE NEVER FIGHT

1.我们从不吵架



Recently I witnessed an online discussion in which some women were talking about the problems they had with their boyfriends/husbands. Almost all of them mentioned having arguments and fights with their partners. Others replied that it is perfectly normal and healthy that couples fight.

最近我在网上看到一些讨论,一些女人在讨论她们和她们的男朋友/丈夫之间的问题。几乎所有人都提到她们和伴侣之间有过争论和吵架。而其他人则会回答说,夫妻吵架是完全正常和健康的。

Then it dawned on me: I am not normal.

然后我突然意识到:原来我不是正常人。

C. and I have never fought.

C.和我从来没有吵过架。

In fact, I don’t think I have ever fought with anybody (except my brother when we were kids, maybe). I am usually very quiet. I rarely raise my voice. I don’t remember yelling at anyone, at least in the last few years. And I am completely sure I have never punched anyone or broken dishes in a fit of rage (my roomate in Shanghai fought with her sister and did that. I was very scared).

事实上,我认为我从来没有和任何人吵过架(也许除了我小时候的哥哥)。我通常很安静。我很少提高嗓门说话。至少在过去的几年里,我不记得对任何人大喊大叫过。我非常肯定我从来没有因为一时的愤怒而揍过任何人或者摔过盘子(我在上海的室友和她的姐姐吵架,并且那样做了,我非常害怕)。

It’s not that we agree on everything. But I just don’t feel the need for fighting! Calmly talking about it seems like a much better option. But I can think of a few instances in which C. and I did not agree, and they mainly have to do with our (his) apartment.

并不是我们在所有事情上都意见一致。但我就是觉得没必要吵架!平静地讨论似乎是一个更好的选择。我能想到一些C.和我意见不统一的事情,这些事情主要和我们(他)的房子有关。

I never really considered the option of owning real estate. I like to pay for the things that I buy with money that I actually own. And recently, in Spain, we have heard a lot of cases of people buying property, getting a huge mortgage and then losing their job and being unable to pay. And, as a result, being evicted (which doesn’t cancel the debt with the bank, by the way). Let’s say that I just couldn’t see the point, apart from the fact that I don’t even know where I will be in 5 years.

我从来没有真正考虑过拥有房子。 我喜欢手中有现钱来买东西。最近,在西班牙,我们听到很多人为了购买房子,进行巨额抵押贷款,然后失去工作,无力偿还的案例。结果就是被驱逐(顺便说一句,这并不能抵消银行的债务)。我真的不明白为什么一定要买房子,事实上,我甚至不知道在5年后我会在哪里。

But for C. this is another story. He, as a Chinese man, needed to own an apartment. Chinese people are obsessed with buying property! When he started talking about buying I was not too happy about it. But he insisted so in the end I told him it was his money and he could do whatever he wanted with it. Yep, the apartment is 100% his and I am totally fine with this! No reason for fighting here.

但是对于C.来说,这就是另一个故事了。作为一个中国人,他需要拥有一套房子。中国人痴迷于购买房子!当他开始谈论购买房子时,我很不高兴。但是他很坚持,所以最后我告诉他这是他的钱,他想怎么花就怎么花。是的,房子100%是属于他的,我完全没问题!没有理由因为这个吵架。

Then, after purchasing the apartment, we had to buy some furniture. We went to Ikea as I couldn’t think of any other furniture store where the things don’t smell like poisonous chemicals or are ridiculously barroque or overpriced. The major point of disagreement was the sofa: he wanted to get a leather one. My parents had a leather sofa when I was a teenager and I hated it with all my heart. Try sitting there when it is hot and not ripping the skin in your legs off when you stand up! I managed to convince him of this one and we got a regular fabric sofa. He later admitted it is super comfy! Ikea also witnessed some other disagreements, mainly caused by his poor taste (what can we do, he is a man!)

在购买了房子之后,我们不得不买一些家具。我们去了宜家,因为我想不出还有哪家家具店的东西闻起来不像有毒的化学物质,或者是形状奇怪或者价格过高。我们主要的分歧点是沙发:他想要一个真皮的沙发。我十几岁的时候,我的父母有一个真皮沙发,我非常讨厌它。试着在天热的时候坐在那里,站起来的时候千万不要把腿上的皮扯掉! 我设法说服了他,买了一个普通的布艺沙发。后来他承认坐上去非常舒服!我们在宜家还有其他一些分歧,主要是因为他的品味太差(我能说什么呢,他是个男人!)

We have also had some other small disagreements that were quickly solved with a few words. For example, when he wanted to wear sport pants with a woollen jumper. I said I would pretend I didn’t know him if he went out like that. Then we also discussed if we should trim Nico’s fur. I was in favour, he was against. Finally we only trimmed it a little bit. We also get overexcited sometimes when we talk about politics but I tend to shut up on this one as I am not really well versed on the matter. Overall, I think we don’t fight because we have learned many valuable lessons from past relationships. He learned that picking fights or responding to provocation doesn’t lead to anything good. I learned that I have to be more vocal about my feelings instead of burying them. We are doing good.

我们还有其他一些小分歧,不过讨论了几句,很快就解决了。例如,当他想穿运动裤配羊毛套头衫时。 我说如果他穿成那样出去,我就假装不认识他。然后我们还讨论了我们该不该修剪Nico(他们家的狗)的毛。我赞成,但是他反对。最后我们只剪了一点。当我们谈论政治的时候,我们有时候也会辩论得过于激烈,但是我倾向于适时闭嘴,因为我对这一块儿不是很了解。总的来说,我认为我们不吵架是因为我们从过去的关系中学到了很多宝贵的经验。他认识到挑起争端或者对挑衅做出反应不会带来任何好结果。我认识到,我必须更直言不讳地表达自己的感受,而不是把它隐藏起来。我们都做得很好。

We mostly support and respect each other but I am sure we will have many more disagreements in the future, especially if we have kids. I just hope we can face them in the same calm manner as now! Because I can’t really see myself throwing things!

我们大多数时候都是相互支持和尊重的,但我相信如果我们将来有了孩子,我们会有更多的分歧。我只希望我们能像现在一样平静地面对它们!因为我真的不想看到自己摔东西!

MY CHINESE FATHER-IN-LAW

2.我的中国公公

When we talk about our Chinese in-laws, our dear mother-in-laws are usually the protagonists. I have written about my Chinese MIL before (and it is one of my most viewed posts ever), but my FIL has never been properly introduced on this blog. It’s time to put an end to that!

当我谈论我们的中国姻亲时,我亲爱的婆婆通常是主角。我以前写过关于我的公公的文章(这是我最受欢迎的文章之一),但是我从来没有在这个博客上正式介绍过我的公公。是时候结束这一切了!

C.’s father has a small convenience store in the alley where he lives. He mainly sells drinks and cigarettes to the neighbourhood people, mainly old people and migrant workers. He sits in the store all day, watching dvds on a portable dvd player, listening to the radio or chatting with the passersby. Before, he used to be a sales representative for a Chinese watch brand, so when C. was a kid he went to many places in China with his parents. But when foreign brands started coming to China, this watch factory couldn’t cope with the competition and had to close, so he lost his job.

C.的父亲在他居住的小巷里有一家小小的商店。他主要卖烟酒给邻居,大多是老人和农民工。他整天坐在商店里,用便携式dvd机看电影,听收音机或者和过路人聊天。之前,他曾经是一个中国手表品牌的销售代理,所以当C.还是个孩子的时候,他和他的父母去了中国的很多地方。但当外国品牌开始进入中国时,这家手表厂无法应对竞争,被迫关闭,他也因此失去了工作。

When people see C. and his dad together, they always say that C. resembles his father. So I know what I will have to face when we get old! Their physical resemblance is truly remarkable: before C. got his braces almost 2 years ago, even their teeth were extremely similar.

当人们看到C.和他的父亲在一起时,他们总是说C.很像他的父亲。所以我恐怕知道了当我们变老时我要面对什么!他们的外表相似之处确实令人感到惊讶:在C.两年前戴牙套之前,即使是他们的牙齿也很像。

Every time we go see him at the store, he always wants to give me some drink, ice cream or snack. Other times he wants to give us a potted plant (the plants and animals market is at the end of their alley) or frozen dumplings. The first word I learned in Suzhou dialect was “fie”, which means “I don’t want (that)” [like bu yao in Mandarin] because that is what C. always replies…

每次我们去商店看他,他总是想给我一些饮料,冰淇淋或小吃。有时候,他还想送我们一盆植物(动植物市场就在他们巷子的尽头)或速冻饺子。我在苏州方言中学到的第一个单词是“fie”,意思是“我不想要(那个东西)”[就像普通话中的不要],因为C.总是这样回答...

If he is not in the store, you can probably find him playing mahjong with some neighbours. He loves dogs and is very fond of Nico. He can cook some dishes (and often puts too much salt for my taste) . His Mandarin has a strong Suzhou accent and sometimes I can’t understand when he speaks.

如果他不在店里,你可能会发现他正在和邻居们打麻将。他喜欢狗,也很喜欢Nico。他会做一些菜(但是盐放得太多,不合我的口味)。他的普通话带有浓重的苏州口音,有时候我听不懂他在说什么。

C.’s father is always smoking and when we go to a restaurant he always brings his own alcohol, 黄酒 huangjiu or yellow rice wine (bringing your own drinks is acceptable in many restaurants in China). When there is a special occasion, like Chinese New Year, he likes wearing his gold watch and ring. We joke and tell him he looks like a mafia boss.

C.的父亲爱抽烟,当我们去餐馆吃饭时,他总是自带白酒、黄酒或米酒(在中国的许多餐馆,自带酒水是被允许的)。在一些特殊的场合,比如春节,他喜欢戴着他的金表和戒指。我们开玩笑说他看起来像个黑手党老大。