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We love us some alternate history, but it always comes down to the same tired old ideas. What if the South had won the Civil War? What if the Nazis had won World War II? What if the Nazis had won World War II and then somehow the Civil War? But history almost went in some much weirder directions. We demand to see the following scenarios inspire some fresh movies and video games. And we would also like some somber reflection on the fragility of human progress, if there's time. But mostly new Bioshock, please.

我们喜爱我们可供替换的历史,但其总是变为无聊陈旧的观念。如果南方军赢得了内战会怎么?如果纳綷赢了二战会怎样?如果纳粹赢得了二战,然后南方军赢得了内战呢?只是历史几乎走入奇怪的发展方向。我们需要看到以下脚本引出了新鲜的剧情走向。如果有时间的话, 我们也希望对人类进步的脆弱性有一个反思。基本是新的《生化奇兵》,请观看。

5
The USSR Was In Serious Talks To Join The Axis

苏联认真考虑加入轴心国



So why did the dream team collapse? Too many arguments about what kind of mustache was better? Probably, but there were two other problems. First, they couldn't agree on how to divide the big Risk board that is Earth, with Bulgaria, Iraq, and Iran being particular sticking points. That might have been resolved -- what's a little Bulgaria between supervillains? -- but Hitler had a huge hate-on for the Soviet unx that simply would not go down.

那么,为什么梦之队破产了呢?关于哪种小胡子更好的争论太多了?也许吧,但是实际上还有两个问题。首先他们无法就如何划分地球达成一致,保加利亚、伊拉克和伊朗是其中的重中之重。这可能已经解决了——超级恶棍之间的小保加利亚是什么?——但是希特勒对苏联怀有的强烈的仇恨是不会轻易消失的。

The German ambassador to Moscow told Berlin that an invasion would end in disaster, and that Stalin seemed willing to meet whatever economic demands Hitler made, so long as war was avoided. The German foreign minister and other pragmatic high-ranking Nazis were so strongly in favor of cutting a deal that they even conducted talks behind Hitler's back. They saw Britain as the true enemy, and feared that opening a two-front war would be their doom (spoiler: they were right).

德国驻莫斯科大使告诉柏林说一场入侵将以灾难告终,斯大林会满足希特勒提出的任何经济要求,只要不开战就行。德国外交部和其他务实的纳粹高层非常支持达成协议,甚至背着希特勒举行了商谈。他们视英国人为最大的敌人,而且害怕开启两线战争将会成为他们的恶运。(剧透:他们是对的)

For his part, Stalin seemed content to sit on the sidelines and watch Churchill and Hitler tear each other apart. But Hitler thought that the guy who was sending him free food was a jerk (pot, kettle, black, etc.), so lil half-stache responded with a giant middle finger and an invasion. If someone had been able to talk some sense into Hitler, the whole war could have turned out differently (uh ... probably worse). Although any scenario that involves talking sense into Hitler is admittedly a stretch.

斯大林似乎满足于坐在一旁看着丘吉尔和希特勒互撕。但是希特勒认为送他免费食物的家伙是一个混蛋,所以小胡子用一个中指和一场入侵来回应。如果有人能对希特勒讲些道理的话,那么整场战争将不同,(也许会更糟吧)。虽然任何对希特勒讲道理的剧情都是延伸罢了。

4
Jamestown Was Almost Abandoned
Jamestown几乎被废弃了



Again, this is all highly speculative (it's that kind of article!), but somewhere out there is an alternate universe where you're all reading Gebarsten.com and watching Zaterdag Night Live broadcasts straight from New Amsterdam. And to think that all Lord De La Warr got for saving America was one of the most forgettable states being named after him. Guess which one.

这完全只是设想(这就是这种文章)但是如果是在平行宇宙中,你从新阿姆斯特丹阅读Gebarsten.com和Zaterday Night广播。会想因为拯救美国De La Warr所得到的就是一个冠于他名字之后命名的非常容易被遗忘的州。猜猜是哪一个。

3
Lincoln Seriously Considered Shipping Slaves Out Of America

林肯认真考过将奴隶用船送出美国

We're taught that Abraham Lincoln, known to history as the Breaker of Chains and Father of Stovepipe Hats, singlehandedly ended the Civil War, freed the slaves, and earned Daniel Day-Lewis his third Oscar. Except one of those almost didn't happen, and not because Joaquin Phoenix was superb in The Master. Lincoln was roughly as close to shipping all of the South's slaves off to another country as he was to issuing the Emancipation Proclamation.

我们被教导亚伯拉罕·林肯是历史上著名的锁链破坏者和烟囱帽之父,结束了内战,解放了奴隶,而且为丹尼尔·戴·路易斯 赢得了第三个奥斯卡。这其中除了一个基本没发生,并且并不是因为Joaquin Phoenix在The Mater中的超凡表现。林肯几乎就要像发表《解放宣言》那样要用船把南方奴隶送出美 国了。

Throughout Lincoln's career, he proposed the idea of "colonization," which would see slaves (freed or not) shipped to Africa, Haiti, or one of another half-dozen countries and colonies, all on the basis of his (then-common) belief that blacks and whites would live best apart. And this wasn't a private desire. It occupied space in his speeches, State of the unx addresses, and cabinet meetings.

林肯的整个生涯中,他提出了殖民地开拓计划,这个计划是把奴隶运往非洲、海地、或其它一些国家与殖民地,一切都是基于他黑白种族最好分开居住的理念。而且这并不是一种个人欲望,这在他的宣言、国情咨文和内阁会议中占据了一部分。

Literally, the day before the Emancipation Proclamation was, uh, proclaimed, Lincoln approved a contract with Bernard Kock -- a sort of 19th-century venture capitalist -- to ship 5,000 African Americans to an island off the coast of Haiti, where they would be given jobs and Haitian citizenship. Lincoln is also on record as saying, "I can hardly believe that the South and North can live in peace, unless we can get rid of the Negroes." Fearing a potential race war, Lincoln considered plans as far-fetched as sending 150,000 black unx soldiers to dig a canal through Panama, all while establishing a colony where their families could eventually join them.

实际上在解放宣言发表的前一天,林肯同一位19世纪的风险投资家达成一项协议,运送5000名非裔美国人到海地的一座离岸岛上,在那里他们会被提供工作与海地国籍。林肯同样说过“我很难相信南北人可以生活在一起,除非我们可以把黑人摘出去。”由于担心一场潜在种族战争,林肯考虑一项计划,不切实际到派遣15万联盟黑人士兵去巴拿马挖一条运河,同时建立一块殖民地,让他们的家人和他们在一起。

Historians have long debated how much of Lincoln's thinking was motivated by a sincere belief that it was impossible for free black people to peacefully and successfully integrate into American society, and how much of it was mere political expediency, making an end to slavery look more attractive to conservatives. (If you ever find yourself annoyed by modern politics, remember that "Ship all the uppity minorities to another country" used to be the centrist stance.) There's also been significant debate over whether Lincoln was ultimately deterred from this by bettering his own racial views, or just stymied by logistical issues.

历史学家长期以来争论林肯的思想多大程度上是出于一种真诚的信念,即自由的黑人不可能和平成功地融入美 国社会,其中有多少只是政治上的权宜之计,小腿肚结奴隶制看起来比保守派更有吸引力。(如果你发觉自己被现代政治所困扰,记住曾经“将所有的傲慢的少数族裔送到另一个国家”是中间派的立场。)一直以来同样有争论在于林肯是否是由于想改善自己的种族主义观点而放弃这样做,或者只是被后勤问题所困扰。



Hungary was also experimenting with communism like a freshman putting up a Che poster, and Italian workers started a solidarity strike which led to a period called the Two Red Years (the reaction to which prompted the infamous Oops, Now We've Got Mussolini period). A whole lot of people who had been fed through the meat grinder of World War I were in the mood to try something very different.

匈牙利同样在试验XX主义,就像一个大学新生张贴一个切·格瓦拉的海报,而且意大利工人开始了一场团结的大罢工,导致了一场称为Two Red years的时期(由此促成了著名的错误,墨索里尼上台了。)所有那些经历过一战的绞肉机的人都处于求变的情绪中。

Meanwhile, Lenin and friends shocked the Western powers by unexpectedly winning the Russian Civil War, then shocked them again by not stopping their revolution at the border. Lenin wanted to push all the way into Germany to support a communist uprising in the birthplace of Karl Marx. And so, despite concerns from some Soviet leaders that they would overextend their supply lines and fail to inspire Western workers, the Red Army went on the march. And the first stop on the Communism World Tour was Poland.
To cram hundreds of years worth of complex history into a single sentence, Poland had just been reestablished as an independent country and was not in the mood to fuck around. Despite having an economy that could barely support a series of lemonade stands, Poland's attitude toward the Soviets was "Bring it, bitches," and thus began the Polish-Soviet War.

同时,列宁和小伙伴们出人意料地赢得了俄国内战震惊了西方列强,之后马不停蹄输出革命又一次震惊了列强。列宁想方设法想在卡尔·马克思的家乡支持崛起。因为,尽管苏联领导人担心他们会过度扩张供应线以致无法鼓动起西方工人,红军还是向前进军。世界之旅第一站就是波兰。
为了打数百年的历史过程浓缩进一段话里, 波兰被重建成为一个独立的国家,并且没有四处闲逛的心情了。 尽管经济状况连一系列的柠檬水摊都开不下去了,但波兰对苏联的态度是“来吧,碧池”,于是苏波战争开始了。

The battle-hardened Soviets immediately swept across the country with ease and pushed toward Warsaw, where the Poles were expected to face a backbreaking defeat that would serve as a powerful communist rallying cry. At the Battle of Warsaw, the outnumbered, outgunned, demoralized, heavily disorganized Polish troops ... absolutely crushed Lenin's ambitions with a huge victory, turning the tide of the entire war and radically altering European history. It was basically the military version of Rocky IV. And as thanks for halting the communist advance, Europe spent the next several generations telling dumb Pollack jokes.

身经百战的苏军立轻易地就横扫波兰,并向华沙推进,波兰人都觉得会面临一场惨败,成为强大的GCZY者集结的号角。在华沙之战中,人数众多、兵器充足、士气低落、杂乱无章的波兰军队,,以一场大胜粉碎了列宁的野心,改变了战争全局,从根本上改写了欧洲历史,基本上是军事版本的《洛奇4》。作为感谢,欧洲花了几代人的时间讲述愚蠢的Pollack笑话。

1
A French Offensive Might Have Toppled Hitler In 1939

1939年法国的一次进攻可能终结希特勒

The most common narrative about the French in World War II goes that they were about as effective as throwing your grandpa into a Fortnite match. But they started on the attack thanks to the Saar Offensive, which saw 40 divisions march into Germany, all while the Nazis used the majority of their forces to pick on Poland (the Charlie Brown of nation-states).

对二战中法国的表现普遍的看法是他们就像是把你爷爷投进了Fornite比赛中。但是他们开始进攻要感谢萨尔攻势,发兵40个师进攻德国,当时德军主力都在波兰



And so Gamelin retreated to the Maginot Line, where he informed the Polish government that his half-assed invasion technically upheld the terms of the mutual defense treaty France had signed with them, so good luck with the whole Nazi thing. Even other French commanders were frustrated by what they saw as the squandering of a massive opportunity. After the war, surviving Nazi generals speculated that a committed French invasion in 1939 could have defeated Germany in as little as two weeks.

所以加梅林退到了马奇诺防线,他通知波兰政府他不完全的进攻从技术上履行了他们签署的共同防卫条约,所以纳粹们好运。甚至其他法国领导人也因为他们所见到的巨大战机的浪费而沮丧。战后,幸存的纳粹将领推测1939年法国发动的进攻可以在两周内击败德国。